he wont tell them about us yet

[cannydoit]

i posted this in aibu and got no love, someone pmed me and said i might get more luck on here, any and all opinions greatly received as i am a bit confused by this.
been together 9 months give or take, he has met my kids, they get on really well. we have even been on holiday together to meet my family in ireland (his idea).
i was very strict about him not meeting the kids as didnt want anyone that wasn't serious in their lives, but when i knew it was it was fine, he is building a relationship with them and i want the same opportunity to do that with his kids, but he says he doesn't want to till his divorcee come through in case his ex becomes difficult about custody.
i can see his point and that is why i haven't said ant thing to him but i feel that the longer we leave and the closer he gets to my kids when we finally do all get together if ever wont it be odd for them that he has a relationship with mine and we dont know them at all?
i have met them as daddy's friend in the park, i just feel that he is in every part of my life and i am being left out of such a big part of his. so am i bu or totally over thinking it?

[buzzsore]

I think 9 months is actually quite early into the relationship, especially with the baggage he has (divorce isn't finalised etc). I'd take it slower, as he seems to be doing.

[cannydoit]

i would totally be fine with that buzz accept it seems a bit of a one sided slowness if you see what mean, which is what has me a bit apprehensive i suppose.

[davidsotherhalf]

my xh used this against my dd when he was in a new relationship, he would arrange to have dd for w/e and phone her up at last minute saying he can't see her, excuses made her ill, he would say i'm taking dp out with her son...he's my future your my past, or would phone and say u know how you always wanted to go to disney etc well i aint seeing u this w/e i'm taking dp son to disney....he would also say dp hates you! even though they never met dd, dp said i'm not allowed to see you....i just hope his dc don't feel left out over the past 9 months.

[Dozer]

Can see why he's worried, expect that he is worried about access etc. Think that you are taking too much of a risk in him getting to know your DC when it isn't reciprocal and that it would be sensible to back off so that they see less of him until his stuff with his ex is more resolved and that you can get to know each other's DC at a similar pace.

Also agree that 9 months isn't long. Did you know him before you got together? If not, then even more reason to take things slowly.

[buzzsore]

What I meant was, you seem to be taking it too fast - I think you're in the wrong gear and he's in the right one. 9 months when you both have children and are relatively recently(?) out of relationships? It seems mighty quick to start getting serious and introducing the children, to me. IMO. Sorry.