I've had alot to deal with over the last 5 yrs or so...DH and I have been together for over 10 years, when DC1 was born I was over the moon and just couldn't be happier. Then it all came crashing down..
DH lost his driving licence for drink driving. He did stop drinking for a long time but started again and has had a prob with binge drinking. After alot of pressure from me, he has tried very hard to control it.
After DC2 came along he became obsessed with a hobby. TBH I feel like he's conned me into a relationship as he wasn't obsessed when we first got together (for at least 5 yrs). It all started at a point when we already had enough on our plates. I honestly wouldn't have entered into a relationship with him if I had known, and had always avoided relationships with people obsessed with football etc.
Next came the porn usage, which apparently he'd been hiding from me for years but for some reason suddenly decided it was time to make it more obvious, e.g. leaving a phone on the bed with a porn vid on, pics on the computer, internet history, etc. Like with the drinking it has now stopped but I just can't get over that it happened in the first place.
To top it all, I had an unplanned pregnancy which ended in a very early miscarriage, which was definately a good thing given the state of our relationship but at the same time I'm utterly devastated. DH's way of dealing with it was lok go downstairs and look at porn while I was in bed sobbing myself to sleep.
Mentally, I'm completely shattered. I am now completely at my wits and and think I'm seriously loosing it. The house is a mess and has been for months, I have difficulty organising general things like shopping, washing, getting the kids to school on time. I was self-employed but gave that up after the MC. I have a couple of temp part time jobs but TBH with the main one I think I should leave as I'm not doing the job properly and with the other thing I am due to miss a deadline. My self-confidence at work and is general is at rock bottom. Before all this happened I had a successful career and easily managed working and juggling everything when DC1 was small. I also think I've started to distance myself from friends and avoided making new ones as I find it hard to be around people who are happy and have a good relationship.
I was brought up in a single parent household and would NEVER have had children if I thought this would happen. I don't want to leave but I just can't live with it anymore and think I have to but am worried about how I'll cope given the state of my mental health now. I know I need to go to the GP and I do need medication (again something I really don't want to do but I don't see any other option).
WTF has happened to me? I am so worried both for mysalf and my poor poor DCs.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I think I've finally broken
ShinyRedShoes · 28/05/2011 13:24
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