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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

holiday with ex and daughter

19 replies

scorpion1 · 25/05/2011 11:43

My partner has been seperated from his wife for a year and a half they still do things as a family but this i feel is different. They have today gone on to Cuba for two weeks, sharing the same bed. He says nothing in it as they shared a bed for years when they were married and nothing happened. We don't live together just taking it slow at the moment, but this has really upset me. He says he is doing it cause he has just took vol redundancy so has some money ( the ex has paid her half) Should i be worried they will get back together so just enjoy my two weeks and wait for him to come back?

OP posts:

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zikes · 25/05/2011 11:49

Er, well, you have his word that they had a sexless marriage. I don't know how much I'd trust that.

It seems very odd to me that they would holiday as a family and share the same bed - confusing messages for their child I'd have thought, and certainly suggests they may be on a path to reconciliation.

I don't think you're unreasonable to be upset. I don't think I'd be kicking my heels waiting for him.

Dinosaurhunter · 25/05/2011 11:54

Oh op I think you know the answer deep down , he shouldn't treat you like this it must be really upsetting for you and you deserve better.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 25/05/2011 12:00

Ha! Are you kidding me? I'd be highly, highly suspicious. I can't think of any situation where that happening would be acceptable to me. I wouldn't want him going on the holiday without me, I just find that disrespectful in itself.

But sharing a bed? My husband wouldn't even suggest it out of respect for me.

loopylou6 · 25/05/2011 12:06

Sorry op but it sounds like A, they've never been split, or B, this is a holiday to try and work things through. Either way I wouldn't be investing anymore hope/time/emotions in this man.

chris123456 · 25/05/2011 12:08

How long have you been together, were you consulted. I can't imagine any circumstances where I would agree to anything like this

mrsbiscuits · 25/05/2011 12:10

I think it is great that he and his ex get on so well. It means that the children get both their mum and dad on holiday - but I think there are lines to be drawn and I wouldn't be happy with the same bed arrangement at all ! Do you seriously believe that after a few mojitos in the sun after the kids have gone to bed nothing is going to happen?! If it was a case of going to the same resort( but different rooms) so they could share in a family holiday together with their children then I can see how that might be ok but same room, same bed no way Jose ! x

ZZZenAgain · 25/05/2011 12:12

some reason why they have to share a bed?

scoutingthomas · 25/05/2011 12:13

What would he say if you said you were going on a 2 week break and sleeping in the same bed as another man? Perhaps one you had a previous relationship with or used to have a crush on?

Even though there was no need for you to actually share a bed?

Hmm... Thought so.

Time to move on, I'm afraid.

ZZZenAgain · 25/05/2011 12:26

I am not so sure this is necessarily a trial get-back-together set-up. If they had separate rooms, they could still get together for sex if that is what they wanted - more easily perhaps.

So I am assuming this is a family room with a double bed and one single. It is not sending me a great message in terms of his consideration foryour feelings OP but quite possibly it is as he said a realtionship that for quite some time has been non-sexual.

step back a bit if this is not how you want things.

Portofino · 25/05/2011 12:36

I would not beleive a word of it! He is stringing you along whilst he makes his mind up.

neverforgethowmuchiloveyou · 25/05/2011 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheHumanCatapult · 25/05/2011 12:42

never forget has beat me to it thats what i would do

ShoutyHamster · 25/05/2011 12:51

Doesn't matter what he does or doesn't do - the sharing a bed is utterly unacceptable and shows a total lack of respect for you and any idea that you have a couple relationship. It's not a necessary evil - he is choosing to maintain a level of intimacy that he doesn't have to. He certainly isn't sending any kind of message to her that he is now 'separate' or 'off limits'.

Either they are still intimate - in which case, I would wave goodbye right now - or he has no idea of what the appropriate boundaries are now that he is in a new relationship, in which case I predict a whole load of heartache for you with this man - in which case, I would also wave goodbye right now!

Can't quite believe you've accepted knowing that, actually - sharing a bed? Er, no!! Have the distinct feeling he's gone merrily off to Cuba like a dog with two dicks thinking great, I can have it all! Do wipe the smile off his face, won't you?

scorpion1 · 25/05/2011 12:51

I did ask the question about one of them sharing a bed with their daughter he said it hadn't been discussed! Thing is they didn't have a joint holiday last year so why now? could it be cause he still feels quilty (we had an affair) and wants to treat them cause he has money? Im probably just a mug. Thank you all

OP posts:

homeboys · 25/05/2011 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheHumanCatapult · 25/05/2011 12:58

sorry but sounds like he may well be considering if it is worth giving it another shot .Cuba is not he first place I would think of a child friendly holiday .which is the reason ex w and exH go on holiday together

TheHumanCatapult · 25/05/2011 12:58

normally*

lindsell · 25/05/2011 13:13

When I got together with my now dh, he and his ex-w who'd been split for years went on holiday together with their dds every year, they shared a room but always had twin beds. Once we'd been together a few months and knew it was serious between us I said I really wasn't comfortable with the sharing a room - he stopped doing it as he knew it was important to me.

If I was in your position OP I would be asking why he felt the need to share a room let alone a bed. He can still go on holiday with them but IMO there is no need for the level of intimacy involved with sharing a room/bed.

ShoutyHamster · 25/05/2011 14:54

Ah - so you two started as an affair, and they split because he cheated on his wife?

Well there's your answer then, really - he's a cheat. So goodness knows what's going on in his mind or what the situation really is between them. The point is, you know he's capable of lying to her and betraying her trust - so I'm sure he wouldn't be shy of doing the same to you if it benefited him. Not saying he is sleeping with her - he could be dangling his availability as a carrot so he gets to go on holiday with his daughter, he could be just trying to keep a foot in both camps - point is, you'll NEVER really know to your satisfaction because you'll NEVER really be able to trust him - a man that would cheat on his wife. You're now 'the wife'. Why would you be any different?

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