I've been lonely for too long!

[hgme]

Hi everyone, this is my first post.
I separated from my once DH 2 years ago.(still separated applying for divorce asap now 2 yrs is up) I could go over the whys and wherefors leading to the split, but you know what, that's in the past now and it's taken two difficult years for me to put it there so I'm not going to waste any effort typing it up. the future is what I want to look forward to. Getting out and about meeting new friends and maybe Mr Right. I spend every other weekend by myself when my 3DD's are with their dad and I feel so lonely. I only have a handful of friends and most of them are busy with their own families. I took my girls to alton towers and spent most of the time wishing I had someone's hand to hold as we walked along. I really don't want to have to go to the flicks alone but I fear its going to have to happen one day soon. I would love to be more active but have no-one to do things with and so the weight is piling on...food is my only friend and comfort!!! I feel really stupid but basically I want to shout out .....will someone be my friend!!! I'd love to meet people, try new things maybe walking, sightseeing, shopping, hobbies anything really to get me out of the house but dont know how to make it happen. I'm worried I will sink back into depression through lonliness.

[humptydidit]

didn't want you to go unanswered although god knows I don't have the solutions!
I suppose you;re supposed to take up a hobby etc and be brave and go along and just put yourself out there. But I know that's easier said than done, I recently moved to a different area and although I have met lots of people, I am still sitting home on my own every night...
Will watch to see what anyone else suggests, sorry not trying to be difficult, just to say I know what you mean!!

[hgme]

thanks for commenting humptydidit , I know I have to be brave but I seriously dont know where to go!!! I searched the web and thought I'd found a great site with loads of activities which really appealed to me then realised it was for 50+. I never thought that at 40 I'd be too young!!! I made a promise to myself never to decline an offer of a night/day out and so far I haven't but they are very few and far between.

[humptydidit]

my situation is slightly different cos my kids are all small, youngest is 1 so I have braved the toddler groups etc but it's still bloody hard. You try to be friendly but you don't want to come across as being too full on... What about zumba or something like that? Don't know if they do that on the weekend? Or enrolling for a course at a college, even if you don't want to learn anything in particular? My mum is doing beginners french and got invited to someones house for drinks and to practise speaking french to eachther... sorry probably not being v helpful

[humptydidit]

Actually, what about volunteering for something? Like a charity shop or a charity itself?

[BearGrylls]

Hi hgme, sorry to hear you are feeling lonely but there is plenty out there, the first steps are the hardest! Fitness is a great way to meet people, and has the obvious benefits, enjoy being alone with your own company for a while and getting to know yourself again. Revel in having the time to do the things you have always wanted to do. Whilst the world is pretty scary sometimes, you'd be surprised at how many people are in your situation. What about a hobbie group? Get into something you really fancy and you'll meet people with whom you will have common ground. See whats going on in your local area, check out local education centre websites, community pages etc. Above all - have fun! Its a hard adjustment to make, but you will get there. Good luck :)

[hgme]

gosh i wouldn't have the time to volunteer, i want to find some thing that entertains and interests ME. i know i need to find somewhere to go for myself, i made a pact with myself never to turn down an invitation and so far i havent its just they are few and far between. trouble is because i only get every other wkend free it kind of restricts courses and activities that require regular weekly commitment. i know it sounds like im making excuses but i've really tried and searched for clubs, groups activites etc that fit in with my arrangements. i get really sick of not having anyone to moan to about these things, sorry. someone suggested mumsnet

[humptydidit]

What about organising something at your place? A party or some people I know do a come dine with me style thing where they take turns cooking dinner for eachother?
Not trying to sound smug, just racking my brains here

[loverboys]

hi - i feel you, have you tried this site?

www.meetup.com/

have a look at what is local, its full of groups of single dads/ mums etc. hope this is useful for you

[hgme]

humptydidit BearGrylls
the ball is in my court I know... i will do my best to try and find something. thanks for taking the time to reply i really appreciate it. it's good to get it off my chest. thanks i'll keep you both posted.

any other ideas and suggestions that spring to mind i would gladly listen to
:-)

[loverboys]

or you can start your own group too

[hgme]

loverboys
wow that looks really good, are you a member of any of the groups ?

[loverboys]

hi - yes i joined a parenting group and have met them too theyre were brilliant, though i can only join in when they meet on the side of london which i live. some of the groups i notice only have a few members - i joined one of them and they arent meeting up until the group gets more members. its really something to do at the weekend with the children, i did see one started by a single dad who had no one to join him when taking his child out at the weekend. there seems to be every type out there, so you see everyone is in a similar boat as you, youre certainly not alone in what youre feeling. yeah i was surprised when i saw that site didnt know it existed there are even groups that meet when pregnant which i known sooner becuase i had a crap experience with the NCT thing

have you seen anything locally you could join in with?

[humptydidit]

loverboys that website is fab, have saved to my favourites!

[loverboys]

its a little known gem i think

[notgreat1]

Hi hgme, I could have written your post too :(
My dc are teenagers so don't really need me, and I spend lots of time wondering what to do with myself.
I have joined a choir, which is great for having an interest, but even after 9 months I haven't really clicked with anyone there to progress to meeting at other times.
I go to a zumba class in my village but everyone goes with a friend, and I stand there on my own. So even if you follow the well meaning advice, it doesn't always work, but I live in hope, and at least I have a new hobby , and am getting fitter, so there are the positives.
I just wanted to say I understand, and you are not on your own, I just wish I could help.

[Primalscream]

Are you in London?

I'm meeting up with all my twitter mates on Sat 25th June ( picnic in the park and then on to god knows where ha ha ) - they're all total nutters but very lovely - you are more than welcome to come and join us - PM me if you're interested.

[mumonline65]

www.spiceuk.com/home?handshaked=true

This looks good.

I'm in the same position as you. My children are teenagers so I don't want to take them with me (and they obviously don't want to come with me either) but I do need to do things for myself.

[atswimtwolengths]

OP, please could you post the details of the site you found for over 50s? Hate to say it, but I fit into that category!

[rogerfed]

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban called their daughter Sunday because when they were both single that was the hardest day of the week for them. Everyone was busy with family and didn't have time for them. When I read that I realised that even movie and music stars deal with the same issues that we do. Lonliness is so tough to deal with even if it is only for a few hours on a weekend when it seems like everyone else is having fun.

What I do is invite people over for dinner! Very few people like to turn down a home cooked meal. The company makes me feel great - I even enjoy the clean up afterwards! And then there is always the likelihood of return invites.

Anyway, you're not alone.