'Too busy' to see the grandkids

[nethunsreject]

My bloody in laws.

There are ongoing issues, but this is the latest and I am just moaning really.

They live 10 miles away and are retired. They drive. I do not. It is a nightmare to get there on the bus with my 2 and would take a few hours due to buses - yep, seriously.

Anyway, this week they are too busy to visit because they are bowling. Wtf? And then they wonder why the baby is shy of them? And why the 4 yr old doesn't want to go out with them.

[crazynanna]

My grandkids are my 2nd lease of life I would even cancel a date with Jonny Depp to seem them...indeed I have!

[witchwithallthetrimmings]

sits down offers and allows op to rant away while nodding with sympathy.

[nethunsreject]

crazynanna, are you actually my Mum?

I have managed to post this twice!

[crazynanna]

nethunsreject Probably..I've got kids everywhere! That Jonny is unstoppable!

[Jojay]

You know that you're going to be told that YABU, don't you?

And I know this isn't in AIBU.

They don't have to visit you every week, or even every month if they don't want to - they've done their child rearing, perhaps they think it's time for other things.

But I wouldn't bust a gut to get there on the bus either. Just accept htat you may not see them so often - it's not a huge deal is it?

My kids see their grandparents once a month max, due to the distance, but they all get on very well when they do get together.

[nethunsreject]

lol, that's why I didn't post in aibu.

I am not looking for childcare anyway. I am just hurt that they are not more interested in their grankids. They don't have to be interested, but it would've been nice.

Thankfully my Mum is so they get a lot from that relationship.

[Meow75]

TBH, I wouldn't be impressed if this was my grown-up child's attitude, but then again I also wouldn't be surprised or moaning that my relationship with my GC's wasn't as good as I expected.

Remember, you can't MAKE them want to order their life around your kids, but also STOP getting the bus journey from hell to visit them. They know where you live, let them get on with their lives - with or without their GC's.

Oh, and learn to drive - best skill someone with kids can have. What do you plan to do if one of your kids has a minor injury that needs a bit of medical attention but doesn't require an ambulance? Not criticising you, but even if you only have a bit of disposable cash, I'd be putting it away to learn to drive - and not JUST so that the kids can see their GP's more easily!!

[nethunsreject]

I am learning to drive.

I take a taxi if the lids are ill enough to warrant emergency treatment, or a neighbour helps out.

Yeah, they can get on with their lives without us. No loss to me, but I expected more as they used to be up here a lot before they retired. Just disappointed.

[nethunsreject]

lids?! Kids, obviously!

[crazynanna]

nethunsreject We call them lids down here (dustbin lids)

[nethunsreject]

Because they make a rracket?

[expatinscotland]

Don't bother getting a bus to go to theirs.

[crazynanna]

No,because we are Londoners,and can be sometimes verbally challenged

[nethunsreject]

Oh, no, definitely not going to get the bus.
Sod 'em!

[TooManyPufflesInMyIgloo]

If they moan that the children aren't friendly to them, tell them the truth - "oh they're very friendly to the people they see a lot of, it's just that they hardly ever see you".

And then get on with your life and rejoice that they have one lovely caring set of gps (or grandma, at any rate).

My parents whine and moan that they don't get to see enough of my children. When we visit they sit and talk about themselves and ignore the children. There have been occasions when they have sat on my sofa for three hours and not said a single word to my son. I've tried meeting them in parks and museums - they wander off by themselves and leave me alone with my children, wondering why I bothered. I haven't seen them for 6 months, and none of us are missing them.

I agree, it is disappointing.

[Trifle]

What on earth happens so drastically every month that warrants such a high level of intervention on the gp's behalf? They may well be interested in their grandchildren, just not find it necessary to spend tedious amounts of time discussing little johnnie's new tooth.

[pinkhebe]

my children see both sets of grandparents roughly every 6-8 weeks. They have a very close relationship with them. It's not the frequency of visits which enables a close friendship.

[kerala]

We last saw ILs at Christmas. First the excuse for being hands off and never offering a scintilla of help was their business. Now they have retired their excuse is MILs mother (who lives overseas anyway and is pretty independent). Now she the mother has just died I am fascinated to hear what the next reason is for their being crap GPs

[ilovedora27]

You cant make them do it and unfortunately some people and selfish and not family orientated. I think GPs should be very keen to do anything to see their GCs and thats how my parents are and definitely how I will be as a nan.

[TryLikingClarity]

OP - (if this were AIBU) I'd say YANBU.

Don't put yourself out for them, but be open with them and try to grit your teeth when you do see them. It's for the sake of your DC, I understand that.

You say they are your IL's. What does your DH say about it all?

You do have my empathy though, I am sort of in a similar position with my IL's but that is a whole other story it itself!

[nethunsreject]

Thanks for the replies.

Appreciate the chance to get it off my chest. Sure, it's not a huge issue, but it is nice to offload!

Dh is really annoyed, tbh. The thing is that they make this whole fuss about family yet when it comes down to it, they can't really be arsed. Yet if we don't do what they want they sulk!

You can choose your friends...

Trifle - 'high level of intervention' - get real! I'm talking about a cup of tea in the back garden. And I don't expect endless discussion of the kids' developments, etc. I'll happily chat about anything. Talk about projecting your own issues!

[nethunsreject]

I wish they were moving to Australia.

Instead, they are turning into The Sunday Post.

[MigGril]

nethunsreject - I know exactly where you are coming from. My IL's are just like this, they make a big fuss about being all family orentated, couldn't wait to be GP's kept asking when we where going to have kids ect ect.. But when it's come to it we see them less know then we did before we had DD, they've hardly seen DS.

There just to busy with there own lives (Plus the two dogs they got last year which seem to be far more important then there GC) Would bother me so much I think if they hadn't made such a fuss about wanting GC to start with. Luckly we didn't just have our children for them I get to enjoy them everyday.

[2rebecca]

I never saw my grandparents every week and my kids don't see their grandparents every week so I don't understand your weekly obsession. What does it matter if they only see them every 2 or 3 weeks?
Are you bored and needing company? You don't sound as though you like them so I'm not clear what the issue actually is.
I think it's great they have their own lives and aren't trying to live proxy lives through their children and grandchildren.