Sorry, I am now probably officially a regular on this board. I have found so much help and support here and a chance just to vent a bit, and it's really helped me. Back story is my ex left me and the two children now almost four months ago and we are getting our life back on track apart from his twattery and mind games, especially with the children who do not want contact due to his past abusive behaviour.
I am feeling in a low place today with nowhere really to turn. I am not coping with things very well and constantly feel on the verge of tears or shouting. I am really worried about several things at the moment which are
a ex and him wanting contact with the children and the effect of this on the children (on a positive though looks like I finally have some counselling sorted for dd to start after half term)
b ex and his general behaviour which seems designed just to make things more awkward and difficult for me in any way he can think of
c money
d my mum, her behaviour and health
e whether or not we should move
f, g and h money
My mum is staying with us at the moment as I asked her to come down whilst ex picked up some stuff earlier in the week as I didn't want to be in by myself then. However, I think she is making me feel worse. She has been ill lately with her thyroid medication being the wrong dose and is also having problems with her sight, op scheduled for July, but she is also very low in spirits and also very snappy and irritable particularly with my son. She is on anti-depressants. She is always making little snippy comments to him and telling him off for silly little things. Obviously he is picking up on all this and thinks my mum doesn't like him (a fair assessment going on her behaviour) and has started really acting up at her, which turns it all into a vicious cycle as she is "proved right" about him. She complains to me about him, he complains to me about her and there I am in the middle. I have spoken to her about her behaviour to him before this visit as he's only five and is a lovely good boy, very loving and good humoured althoug he can be a bit cheeky at times. She just doesn't see the good side and has said herself she is not used to boys (?). He asks her to play with him, she says no. He asked her to watch him swim, she said no. It is so wearing and awful.
She hardly speaks, just sits around looking at me and not talking. It's really awkward. She started to clean a room in my house for me yesterday, which involved moving everything to one side of the room out of its place, filling the sink with china etc "to soak" and then leaving it all for me to clear up and sort out when I got home from work, plus I had to make tea, wash up, take ds to swimming, see my financial advisor etc. It is really not helpful. I told her one fairly quick job I would like her to do if she really wanted to help but she did not do that, instead she made all this mess and work.
It has also emerged that she really can't see very well at all but she is still driving her car and over Easter drove her car with my children in. I have told her she should stop driving until after her op but she just walked out and I know she will take no notice.
She is also drinking a lot and starts drinking around 4.30 or 5 pm. My son was drawing pictures and drew one of a glass of squash for me and a glass of red wine for my mum! I am not comfortable with her drinking this much but she takes even the smallest remark as an insult and will go into a sulk. She keeps saying she will be better soon but there is no sign of this.
I was hoping to move house to be nearer to her but because of my work arrangements it would mean that I would have to rely on her for help with the children on a regular basis. She agreed to this but I don't think it is going to happen. I was looking forward to moving for a fresh start for me and the children, plus some family support and company, but how my mum is at the moment this is looking less and less likely and now I'm feeling trapped into staying where we are ie near ex.
Ex is a whole other story and is really acting the arse at the moment. He will not give me his new address which I need for the solicitor.
He turned up (for the second time) earlier this week to collect furniture and again turned up without a van, which makes the whole exercise a bit pointless. He took a few bits and pieces but is now e-mailing about when he can come again. I told him last time that I wanted him coming once only as it's really disruptive (emotionally) but he is just not listening.
I am seeing the solicitor on Wednesday about his stupid games where he has stopped paying the mortgage on the buy to let property, leaving it for me to pick up, and won't get it valued/on the market. Hopefully this will help sort him out but at the moment it just seems one fight after another and all this is costing me money I don't have.
Right, this is really long and I am going to stop now but it has probably done me some good to write it all down.
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Relationships
Don't know where to turn
OhWesternWind · 13/05/2011 10:56
And....breathe!
Feeling any better?
Sometimes it just feels like everything bad happens all at once doesn't it?
Sounds like the ex stills wants to be in your life?
It will all pass, vent as much as you need.
It could be worse....you could have earache as well! 
Better out than in, eh?
It is getting a bit overwhelming, to be honest, and I'm finding it difficult to stay positive and keep going.
Ex only wants to be in my life in a negative way - I know it sounds a bit paranoid, but he is acting like he really hates me and just wants to make everything more difficult. Anything he can cause problems with, he is doing. I was with this bloke for seventeen years and it's like he is now a totally different person. He is showing his true colours now.
I feel very lonely and sad - but at least no earache
Oh what a nightmare! Do you have any girlfriends that could help you out in anyway? Think you are going to have to have a blow out at your mum and let her sulk and mull it over, clear the air as they say.
Your ex is a control freak but you know what comes around....
Do you not know a cm who could do school runs for you and have them extra hours to help you out?
Think you really need to put the feelers out for some extra support, get someone around with a bottle of plonk and put the world to rights.
Fingers crossed for you
You stick to your guns with your mum, the longer she's not talking to you the better by the sound of it!
Glad you DD had a lovely day, hope DS did too with your mum lurking?
Long may your slightly better feeling last
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