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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Long term single and really wanting a 'special' man hug

15 replies

allmyfriendsaremarried · 12/05/2011 21:59

I posted on here some time ago about how most of my friends are married and my longterm singledom. Anyway it has not got any better, now been single with no interest for 6 months and it was 18 months before that (and I don't really count that as it was an ex who I stupidly got involved with again just causing the same old heartache all over again).
I've had a makeover etc and just go out to have fun. TBH I go out thinking I am pretty but as the night goes on it is clear I don't even get a friendly chit chat off a bloke, even though I am the most approachable person and so I go home feeling like shit. On more than one occaision last year I had blokes start talking to me, asking if my friend was ok as she looked miserable for them to then go and snog her face off! So I don't know, no one else does either.
Anyway main problem ATM is I have really high sex drive that really is just not satisfied 'Ahem' by myself. It is just not the same. And this doesn't help the 'meeting a nice man' quest as I just want to get any of them into bed, but have learnt to hold back these days as I invariably feel shit afterwards as I then get dumped quickly. So I am stuck, shagless but feeling rampant. Eugh. Anyone else feel the same or am I just odd?

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FabbyChic · 12/05/2011 22:02

You are looking in the wrong places, people really go out to socialise with friends now not meet someone. Most people seem to use the internet to date, have you tried it?

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allmyfriendsaremarried · 12/05/2011 22:06

I have been on Match.com for a year and not one date. I was really active, looking at people's profiles, clicking on them, emailing etc. I tried plentyoffish and muddymatches but only met one guy off MM who turned out to be dating a whole load of girls at once and boy was I glad that I did not shag him. I have interests and hobbies and go out loads with a varied circles of different friends. Most come up with the 'I've got a nice friend who will like you' but as yet none of these initial leads lead to a meet up or even a phonecall.
So where else do I look, I work 7 days a week and part of year on nights so going out lots is difficult but I get out as much as I can.

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wearenotinkansas · 12/05/2011 22:16

Is there a Cercoc or other dancing type club near you? These have advantages of ;

you can safely go on your own - so no risk of your target snogging your friend
You get to meet loads of men in quick succession when you dance with them but don't have to talk to them for any length of time if you don't want to.
There are usually several blokes there on the pull
You can make new friends.

Watch out for the creeps though. There are always a few - and any woman who has been a few times will point them out.

And make sure you can get home safely of course without relying on someone you don't know very well for a lift.

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allmyfriendsaremarried · 12/05/2011 22:21

I wanted to try Salsa but was rapidly put off by a male 'friend' who was one of the creeps you talk about, he also said men:women ration was way in his favour and having been in those situations a lot before I am a little unsure as to how I would get on

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allmyfriendsaremarried · 12/05/2011 22:22

Said male 'friend' was the type who dates a load of women at once until he decides which one he likes best then gives all the others the flick, hence my concern.

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wearenotinkansas · 12/05/2011 22:51

I know the type. IME salsa tends to attract more creeps than other classes - although they can be better looking. Mind you, it's a few years since I've done any of this - so perhaps looking through rosetinted glasses!

This is going to be controversial, but if I were you I would settle for a half decent semi-relationship - for the sex - but keep looking for Mr Right. Might sound appalling but it worked for me!

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allmyfriendsaremarried · 12/05/2011 22:56

LOL - I am trying - given that the only offer that has come my way recently was a drunken friend of friend who is 20 years old than me and married (although I have heard that she cheats on him as much as he does to her, not that is excuses anything) and that is a road I really do not want to go down no matter how desperate for shag I am!

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wearenotinkansas · 12/05/2011 22:58

oh dear! I wouldn't go there either. Am slightly out of ideas now... Will rack brains for other possibilities!

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allmyfriendsaremarried · 12/05/2011 23:19

Me too, at uni was all so easy but that is a while ago now and most of my friends are either married or in serious relationships so not of much help either apart from saying either 'it'll happen when you least expect it/not trying' to those that say I'm not trying hard enough but since I can't do both am flumoxed. Am always the gooseberry at meet up these days, not that all these people are happy but it would be nice to not go home to an empty house, to bed on my own and wake up alway on my own as well as the whole pleasure thing which is driving me crazy.

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gawdonbennett · 13/05/2011 09:32

Get yourself some ugly mates to go out with.
That way the blokes will bypass them and snog you instead.
Simples.

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allmyfriendsaremarried · 13/05/2011 12:53

Hmm - if only it were so simple. I was never a super popular child and didn't have 'proper' boyf until I left uni so I guess that is part o the problem.

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gawdonbennett · 13/05/2011 14:21

Why would that have a bearing on meeting blokes now?
I often hear really attractive women say that they don't get chatted up because men find them intimidating or that they'll have no chance.
Could this be your problem?

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Celibin · 14/05/2011 19:17

Do you work? Is there anyone nice there you could start a friendship with initially?

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Toadinthehole · 14/05/2011 19:52

Man's perspective here.
What you need is to join a social group of some sort where you can meet and suss people out. Not so easy these days as such things are unfortunately out of favour as people are so busy (as you appear to be). You haven't said what your hobbies are. Still, the following thoughts spring to mind: evening classes, charities, political groups, religious groups, even dance classes might do the trick if you find one that is social enough. A friend of mine met his wife through involvement in St. John's Ambulance as a volunteer first responder.

None of my female friends have had any success through internet dating. Ninety percent of the men are disaster areas or / and only after a quick shag. As for clubbing, forget it. Fine if you're on the pull, but I've heard that statistically one is more likely to meet one's life partner in the supermarket.