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If you have or had a good relationship with your Dad, come and tell me about it

(92 Posts)
BertieBotts Thu 12-May-11 19:37:56

Because I'm not sure I know what one is like sad and I think I should, for DS' sake. And I'm interested smile

Doha Thu 12-May-11 20:35:44

I has a wonderful relationship with my dad (adopted dad). he was my best friend as l was growing up and l can honestly say he is the only man in my life who has never let me down.
He was always there for me as a child and youn adult, when l moved away from home at 17 to live in nursing residencies, he phoned every night and also wrote me wee short letters which he posted, so l would have mail to look forward too.
The day DH and l got married, after everyone had left for the church and it was just him and l in the house he asked me if l was sure about getting married and that it was not too late to change my mind. He would have happily have cancelled everything if l had wanted.
I miss him and have done every day since he dies 10 years ago

Ormirian Thu 12-May-11 20:41:19

My dad is clever, funny, loving, honorable, trustworthy, generous and is fascinated and in thrall to the world around him. He is also irritating, a little self-centred and sometimes thoughtless. But because I love him so much I can overlook the bad bits.

He loves me a great deal more than I deserve and has been the best father I could ever have had.

Sadly I am coming to realise that he wasn't such a good father to DB and that there are hidden fissures in their relationship that I think are starting to open up.

SpareOhs Thu 12-May-11 20:46:31

I adore - and respect - my dad (and he feels the same way about me).

We had a few ups and downs when I was a teenager, and I know he's despaired of a few of my choices in life smile. But he's been my rock, and he's never, ever let me down. I know he's very proud of me, even if my life's not quite turned out the way he would have chosen.

He is the most loyal, trustworthy and loving man I've ever met. Even my friends think he's wonderful. He's been through an enormous amount of emotional upheaval in the last 10 years and yet he has never not been there for me.

(I do sometimes wonder, though, if my relationship with my dad has adversely affected my romantic relationships with men! No-one quite lives up - can anyone say Electra Complex?! grin)

I dread the day that he's not there anymore.

PaigeTurner Thu 12-May-11 20:53:07

My BD was a rubbish alcoholic. He's now passed away, I didn't see him much.

But my stepfather was amazing. He came along while I was an unhappy 8 year old and changed my life. He totally 'got' children, he knew how to have fun (unlike my mother). When I was a TERRIBLE teenager we'd have 'dad' nights where we'd watch gory films, or when I was going to clubs (as a 14 year old) he'd come with me and we'd have a laugh (and he could obviously keep an eye on me). When my mum and he split up when I was 17, I went totally off the rails for many, many years.

Twenty years later he is back in my life, and we have a great relationship, he has helped me with so many practical things without a second thought, and we go out to breakfast (with my DC) once a week. He's very forgetful though, so we often talk about the same things...

Just proves to me that blood is not always thicker than water.

davidtennantsmistress Thu 12-May-11 21:32:42

my dad is fab.

he's there for me so much more now as an adult than as a child. he worked a lot which for him was him doing his bit & providing for us, mum was there for the emotional stuff, however he was there for money advice, he was firm but fair, (not that we always understood that). immensly proud of us, even when we both screwed up big time - not once were we told we'd screwed up - much less told right this is your problem how are you going to fix it and sort it out - i'm here but it's your thing to sort.

(apart from the time DB came home with a t shirt ripped by another boy's dad - dad matched down to this man's house with DB in tow and basically told him not to lay a hand on his son again and if there was any issues he'd have to take it up with him) - only time i've seen him semi violent.

he gave me away on my wedding day & literally at the church in a dress with a horse & trap after spending out over £15K said to me 'it's not too late to change your mind'

when things when wrong with XH I rang him and he was upset on the phone with me (have tears atm thinking about it) came home and he tried to talk sense into me - ie if XH wanted to try again I should etc. then when I started opening up about what XH had been like & what had been going on, he said 'you're never to go back to that man again' and from that moment to this he's taken both DS & I back under his wing again. i've been supported & guided as an adult, DS has had a strong father figure who he respects. he's got more patience with DS than he had with DB & I, he loves telling us about his gardening & encourages the grandchildren out in the garden as well to plant & do things.

he's always there with a hug - even when I was being silly with an x BF pre DP & post xh, he said to me quite firmly, I don't know this boy but I don't like him (I was 27 he was 30) he didn't like the boy who'd upset his daughter said he wasn't good enough gave me a big hug & that was that.

He's a man of few emotions as he's very down the line & has a v v clear view of waht's right and wrong with a stiff upper lip to a degree but has become softer over the years. Oh is also a good cook as well (but we don't tell mum that lol).

I think the main point is he's allowed us to be ourselves, with guidance respect loyalty and love. couldn't ask for a better dad. a lot of DP's quirks remind me of him as well which is nice in a lot of ways.

oh and finally, after I came home for a bit (moved out at 17) we had a family meal in a pub, I asked for a half a guiness & he said 'don't you want a ladies drink like a vodka or something' grin love my dad - plus we have the same dry humor.

mrswarthog Thu 12-May-11 21:43:27

my dad has always been funny, naughty, entertaining, a rock & utterly dependable. He has been married to my mum for 42 years & they still hold hands. He has always said that the world is built on a woman's work & is enduringly proud of my sister & I. He adores my brother & is at ease in all companies. Has said his life is based on his family, faith & football. His grandkids adore him, & he them particularly my DD. When he had a series of strokes two years ago (which has left him with some dementia) we thought our world had ended. Despite some difficulties he is outstandingly still my dad & a lovely man.

Saffysmum Thu 12-May-11 21:43:37

I adore my dad. He's my rock. He has always loved me unconditionally, and I have loved him the same. I am so grateful that my sons are so much like him and take after him. I cherish every day with him. I love his dry sense of humour, his laid back attitude, and the fact that as I fast approach fifty, I'm still his little girl. If I can be half the parent he is to me, to my kids, then I would be happy.

munkymaz Thu 12-May-11 21:49:05

what Saffy said. Though I'm only just 21 40 ish....

squeakytoy Thu 12-May-11 21:59:03

I was adopted, and I was a total daddys girl. My dad was fantastic when I was a kid, always happy to take me and my friends swimming or to the park, and spent loads of time with me. He was the stereotypical strict Dad when I hit my teens, but he was also fairly reasonable too. We had a very close relationship and I will always regret not spending more time with him as I got into my later teens, but I didnt know then that he would die before I was 25. sad

I still miss him terribly and am now 42.

Flippingebay Thu 12-May-11 22:00:43

Gonna sound corny but my Dad is my hero! He's the one person I know I can always rely on, he'd put his life on the line for me and loves me above anything and anyone - and I'd do the same for him.

In my opinion he's the funniest, most handsome, intelligent, caring, thoughtful man I've ever known. grin

I'm thankful every day for the relationship I have with him....

I bloody hated him as a teenager mind you wink

Mollymax Thu 12-May-11 22:03:24

My dad died 10 years ago and i still miss him each and every day.
We fought like cat and dog while i was growing up, but he was my rock, my constant, he never let me down.
He was always there to bail me out of trouble.
I have some wonderful memories.

My dad (and mum too for the record, but you're not asking about her) is wonderful. I've always been the most important thing to him, he has always been calm, caring, involved in my life - knew the details of my friends at school, homework etc. He always knows the answer or the right thing to do, without being smug about always being right! Some songs I listen to just make me think of him. he has had a health scare recently and I have realised he is not immortal and thought about what the world would be like without him and it is a scary place. My dad/parents getting old and frail terrifies me. But when he was telling me he was downplaying it and telling me not to worry becuase "he isn't" - yeah right, dad.

oh squeakytoy, sorry sad

wearenotinkansas Thu 12-May-11 22:05:07

my dad was/is much more flawed than many other posters it seems. Apparently he had numerous flings (which I can't remember anything about), is pretty rubbish with money and could have a nasty temper - especially with my Mum - but then she wasn't that easy either. He can drive me nuts, we often debate or bicker and he has an irritating habit of winding me up (and any everyone else) for effect.

BUT I've always had a great relationship with him. He was really good at Dad Stuff when I was a kid, would be a human climbing frame, always told brilliant bedtime stories, looked after me when I was ill - and would move heaven and earth for his kids if there was a crisis. I was once very ill when abroad and he pulled every string he could to get Mum and me on the next flight home.

And above all he always believed that I could achieve anything I wanted to - even when the evidence was to the contrary! He never saw being female as a bar to success - so much so that sexism was a real shock to me when I started work.

He's really not perfect, but I definitely have a good relationship with him.

"would move heaven and earth for his kids if there was a crisis"
I think that's all that matters really. My dad would drop anything to help me when I needed it.

And agree about the sexism thing. I have realised my dad's dad in particular is quite sexist (just in an 80-year-old-man way) and yet I never felt held back by any sort of expectations as a child. In fact the opposite - the assumption was that I was "bright", that I would do well academically and would go to university and have a career. From everyone, but mainly my parents.

squeakytoy Thu 12-May-11 22:11:43

I was a horrendous teen, and I would love to be able to tell him (and my mum) that I am sorry for all the shit I put them through. My mum was able to see me grow up (it took a while!) and get married, and died knowing that my life was on the right tracks.

I would love for my dad to have met my husband as I know he would have approved, they are very alike (not always a bonus!)...

My dad certainly wasnt perfect, but I always knew he loved me and would have always done anything to help me out, and if I was in trouble, it was always him I confided in, rather than my mum.

diggingintheribs Thu 12-May-11 22:13:36

would do anything for us kids, worked hard to give us the best education, travelled and introduced us to many cultures doing so, lots of fun memories, encouraged us academically, fantastic grandad

(would say same about mum btw)

In my family there is an ongoing sense that no DH can live up to your Dad - so just think how amazing my great great grandfathers were!!

I think Dads just know and accept that. No apologies usually required smile

PeppermintPasty Thu 12-May-11 22:14:24

a good or great relationship with your dad should feel safe and should make you feel like you can take on the world because you are fab and your dad has told you so. a good dad really listens to you, reads to you, reads your teenage poetry, tells you not to worry about love and that it can sometimes make you feel like a ship being tossed about in stormy waters, going this way then that, but that eventually things will be calmer.

he will sit and listen as you grow up when you have something you are bursting to explain and no one else cares. he'll teach you how to punch properly if the school bully should get to you(how to hold your fist so you don't break your thumb!), he'll tell you secrets and listen to yours and he won't tell your mum.

he'll teach you how to do cool things, whether you're a boy or a girl. he understands how lonely leaving home can be, but you know he's always right there for you. he actively wants to spend time with you, talk to you and learn from you, hug you, laugh with you and even get tipsy with you .

if he's all these things and a million more i haven't listed, then that's what a great relationship with your dad is like, and you'll cherish it forever and miss him every day when he's gone. but you'll also pass on his love and wisdom to your children. you hope.

catinthehat2 Thu 12-May-11 22:24:31

my dad is now very very elderly, and was not young when I came along
totally impressed and amazed with anything & everything I ever did or achieved(!)
loved to play with me when I was little
made me toys like stilts and a sledge
I loved to get up really early so we could hang out together before everyone else got up, just doing stuff like adding up (!!)
always liked my company so I could hang out with him if he was gardening or making something
expected me to do grownup stuff properly & was proud of the results (eg painted the garage door as an under 5)
let me use grownup tools & equpiment, not kiddy versions, though didn't ;let me damage myself
talked to me as a person even as a small kid
had no expectations of me as a girl only as a person
read me bedtime stories from birth
secretly made me sandwiches out of white bread and sliced fry's chocolate cream
told me all sorts of stuff about being a kid in Acton in the 20s & 30s

endless stuff. just a kind guy.

PeppermintPasty Thu 12-May-11 22:27:03

are we sisters catinthehat!!wink

catinthehat2 Thu 12-May-11 22:30:20

also, made sure I had my own personal tin of washers and greasy mechanical bits & pieces in the garage which were for my use only and always accessible by me. though he only had (survivng) brothers he just wanted his daughter to enjoy the same things he & they liked to muck about with, and it never occurred to him that girls had to have anything different.

davidtennantsmistress Thu 12-May-11 22:32:41

'a good or great relationship with your dad should feel safe and should make you feel like you can take on the world because you are fab and your dad has told you so. a good dad really listens to you, reads to you, reads your teenage poetry, tells you not to worry about love and that it can sometimes make you feel like a ship being tossed about in stormy waters, going this way then that, but that eventually things will be calmer.'

totally agree.

catinthehat2 Thu 12-May-11 22:34:02

possibly not, as my dad is insanely practical & I LOL at reading him my teenage poetry! close cousins I should think grin

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