I can't deal with this anymore please help

[lubeybooby]

Dumped out of the blue on Saturday after a year.

Spent Saturday night crying and texting him in a pathetic way

Sunday I muddled through and got on with stuff. he came to pick up his things, we had some semblence of closure. Was a bit numb after that. Didn't contact him

Monday I was sort of ok despite this being the first day I woke up and sort of forgot for a second what happened then had that awful realisation moment. Had this feeling of pain/nightmare in the background but kept trying to ignore it. Showered, make up on hair done met friends, did the garden, paid bills, did housework, kept functioning, only snivelled a tiny bit. Again no contact

Today I had that horrible realisation again a few seconds after waking up. I can't stop bloody crying and it's not even 9am yet. I had the option of keeping busy and stuff I could have done like yesterday but I have cancelled everything. Haven't contacted him and I won't either but god this just hurts so much and I just want to stay in bed all day

Why is it now that I start falling apart after functioning ok Sunday and Monday? I thought it would keep improving. That I was managing and was going to be able to keep on the up.

I say functioning, I haven't eaten since Saturday apart from a doughnut on Sunday and some toast yesterday and have barely slept, tossing and turning and having nightmares.


I have had breaks ups before and my method of keeping going and pasting on the smile til the smile becomes real again has always worked, but this is different, so devastating, I just don't know where to start. Please help me if you can :(

[lubeybooby]

.

[FabbyChic]

Hey there, really sorry you are going through this, your head and your heart has to go through a grieving process, initially you were probably in shock but as time has gone on the emotions have come to the surface and your body is trying to deal with them.

Things will get better but it will take time. Time is a great healer.

[lubeybooby]

Thanks. I just don't feel like I can do it today. I forced myself to get dressed to try and stop the temptation to go to bed but that's me spent now. I'm all alone but can't face not being alone. The blow was just so cruel, how am I meant to be ok. Oh that doesn't even make sense. arghhhhhhh

[aleene]

Sorry this is so painful for you right now. Is there a friend who can listen while you get it all off your chest? Talking it through might help.

[lubeybooby]

was meant to be doing that but I cancelled it

[FabbyChic]

It's good to cry to let it all go, take each day one at a time, baby steps, you feel shit today, you will feel shit tomorrow, but gradually over the coming week things will get better, and before you know it you will have forgotten how bad you felt.

[FabbyChic]

Change your bedroom round so it no longer looks the same as it did when he was there, maybe redecorate it and change the colour.

It works and is very therapeutic.

[piratecat]

changing things around can be cathartic. it goes with changing things round generally. and a physical change, or a visual change could help.

it will get better, but it sounds like it was a huge shock op. you don't have to follow a script, when it comes to grieving your relationship.

you direction has been altered, and it will take time. x

[Butterbur]

Keep as busy as you can. The feeling of loss is most overwhelming when you have time to think. Arrange to see friends, especially those you might have neglected while you spent time with this man, start an exercise routine change your job, or retrain for something new, book a holiday.

With hindsight, I think that the times after a devastating breakup can be the most productive and life-changing, if you can harness that strange nervous energy.

[CoteDAzur]

It will get better. You are now grieving this loss, but soon you will start to feel anger and then acceptance, all of which is normal.

Try to be gentle with yourself until then. Eat, shower, put on make-up. Take care of yourself because you are worth it. He didn't leave you because you are worthless. He left because relationships sometimes don't work out for whatever reason.

Tell yourself that a year from now, you will look back on these days, laugh, and wonder why you were so silly.

[lubeybooby]

I have realised I was just passing the time til he contacts me or comes back. I went to bed for an hour but couldn't sleep. Got up feeling a little better, decided to go and buy some weedkiller and some nytol, but I think that is to do with just passing more time too. How do I stop basically waiting for him to come back? :(

[zikes]

Hey, it's only a couple of days since. Keep passing the time. You will get through it.

[NanaNina]

Lubeyloo - you are bereaved - many people think this is just in relation to a death, but any loss is a bereavement, and it is a journey you have to go on. There are various stages of grief, with denial being the first, which is why you are waiting for him to come back - your mind is denying that this is happening. Very painful but a normal feeling in the very early stages of bereavement. There will be many other feelings, anger, sadness, sense of betrayal, and you will take one step forward and 2 steps back, until eventually you will reach the acceptance stage of bereavement. So sorry I have travelled this journey and it took a long long time, and I don't think you ever "get over it" - it just becomes more manageable over time. Keep you self respect - don't beg him to come back. That gives him too much power.

Get some good therapy for yourself and read up on bereavement and coping with grief. You will heal in time, but it will take as long as it takes.
Sending warm wishes.

[lubeybooby]

Thanks everyone.

I have no idea how I have got through today so far, it's been by far the worst day yet. I am dreading tomorrow.

[atswimtwolengths]

Lubey, what do you think happened to make him leave like that? It's such a horrible feeling; I hope you have some RL friends who can be with you.

[lubeybooby]

On the day he dumped me he had a meeting with his ex for a few hours... well I say a few he was gone about 6 hours. I wasn't worried, wasn't expecting him back at a certain time or anything I just figured he had got caught up or stopped off somewhere shopping for bits for dinner or something. During this time they talked, and he apparently realised he still loved her. I don't know what really happened and never will but just the day before we were mega happy, big happy grins, loads of affection, great sex, lovely lunch, giggles etc no hint anything was wrong, we had booked a holiday and ordered our new washer dryer.

[lubeybooby]

sorry that was in answer to atswimtwolengths

[TheOriginalFAB]

It won't seem like it now but if he still loves his ex he is better off leaving you so you can find someone who will love YOU.

It will hurt like hell for a while and then one day you will wake up and it won't be the first thing you think of.