sneaking suspicion DH has forgotten my birthday

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

DH left for a business trip to America last weekend and doesn't get back til 22nd May. I start a new job next week so doing full time work and looking after a toddler at the same time, I'm also 11 weeks pregnant so it's not an easy time!

It's my birthday next Thursday and I just know he's forgotten to organise anything, I've been doing a big old spring clean and there isn't a card anywhere. I don't need or want a big present but a bloody acknowledgement when I'm running our home and family all alone whilst feeling like I'm going to throw up every second of the day wouldn't go amiss.

I'm not even angry, just really sad that he hasn't even bothered to think about me before he left.

[SpringHeeledJack]

oh, tell him

I have been with dp for 11 years now (and it don't seem a daaaay too looong)

I forget his birthday every year as I'm so shit with dates (I know it's January )

...to be fair, I forget the dcs DOBs as well. I had to make a hosp appointment for dd tother day and couldn't remember it when the receptionist asked me



this in no way is a reflection of how I feel about them, honest. I'm just crap with dates/time/numbers. Possibly your dp is, too?

[Allora]

No point in stewing about it and then getting really upset on the day - what will you gain from that?

When you tell him he will be so relieved and then he WILL be able to make a fuss of you, just like you deserve

Loathe to patronise but your post definitely smacks of first trimester hormones to me...

Good luck with your job and happy birthday :)

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

no, he's just shite. He always knows when my birthday, our anniversary, mother's day etc is coming up but every year I manage to not get a card on at least 2 of those occasions. I'm feeling a little taken for granted.

It's the fact he never thinks maybe he ought to sort something out in advance. On Monther's Day his mum's card arrived on the friday, mine was left on his desk at work.

He's in West Coast America. I just know he won't have thought to buy a card over there to get sent to me in time, he won't have thought to do anything until the day before when of course it'll be too late.

I've emailed him saying how I feel shit I'll be on my own at home for it...hoping that'll galvanise him into bloody doing something, but it's just rubbish I have to do that.

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

yeah you're probably right allora and I'm knackered on top of it all

except he's always like this. Hmmm, not true, he was amazing before he fucking married me, now it's like I'm not worth the effort

humph......hopefully he'll get the message, it'd just be nice if for once I didn't have to point stuff like this out to him. He was AMAZING at this kind of stuff before we got married. Promises promises....

[Allora]

doesn't even matter if it is the hormones or not - feeling uncherished and knackered and alone and over burdened is horrible.

just tell him straight - then hopefully he will have no choice but to pull his finger out and will come back laden with gifts and affection.

oh and book in some time off at the weekend if and when you can - a massage or even just a nap or something. You need to catch up with yourself. is there anyone else who can look after your toddler for an hour or two?

11 weeks pregnant is horrendous! Full sympathies. I think my DH just felt like he had lost me when i was in the throes of sickness. He was utterly crap at looking after me. I honestly just think he didn't get it, plus he doesn't like me not being me i.e. strong and together and HAPPY. pathetic but true.

He was amazing after that though so hopefully yours will rally too! If a man had morning sickness...hmmmm there would probably be an increase in mandatory sick pay or something. Things would be different anyway that's for sure. but that's for another thread!

ramble ramble.
Hope you feel better soon.

[2rebecca]

I'd tell him exactly what you want. Getting grumpy because you suspect he'll forget but not doing anything to remind him is just being silly and a bit martyrish.
Not sure why he gave you a mothers day card when you aren't his mum so not surprising he prioritised sending his real mum a card.
I think blokes aren't that bothered about cards compared to women, and probably think blokes have a more balanced attitude.
If he's generally loving and affectionate and generous then I'd just accept he doesn't really "do" cards and if you're desperate for one remind him.

[natwebb79]

I think lots of husbands/partners buy their other half's MD cards, to say thank you for being a wonderful mum to their child or on behalf of the child if they are very small. I think it's a lovely gesture.

[perfumedlife]

How do you know he won't send flowers on the day though?

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

this is true perfumed I don't know for sure but am pretty sure, maybe I'll be surprised. I know how his mind works though - I'm working full time so he'll know not to send any to our house and I travel by bike to work (which is in a theatre) so he knows I wouldn't have anywhere to put them (we don't get offices) and wouldn't be able to transport them home.

Thanks allora and Natwebb, I mainly needed to sound off which I think you btoh recognised. Am feeling a bit better today but generally down which I know is massively due to 1st trimester hormones, but also feeling very lonely without him hence feeling even crapper about my birthday

*rebecca our son is 2 so not really able to go out and buy me a card himself, Dh and I get each other cards from him on our birthdays and Mothers/Fathers Days to show we at least appreciate each other, most couples do, I think its a nice gesture!!

The thing is when he does 'do' cards he goes all, spends HOURS in paperchase choosing the right one, writes long lovely messages etc. It's not about getting a card or a present, it's just about some sort of acknowledgement at least in advance! He does care and I know he does, I suppose I just wish I felt like he cared in advance rather than thinking "oh fuck" the day before. And I have reminded him a few times when my birthday is, before he went away and since, besides he doesn't forget dates, he's just not crap at things like that. Jut lazy.

Ho hum....back to my martyrish ways I suppose

[nje3006]

Don't be a martyr, just remind him. I don't let DP forget my b/day, I just remind him (months) in advance. I would feel shit if he forgot, so would he, I just avoid that situation - it's not a test...

[florencedougal]

maybe he has organised flowers


ffs let him fail before you hang, draw and quarter the poor sod

[clam]

I decorate DH's work diary with reminder messages on the run-up to my birthday! To the extent that his entire office know when it is!
Last week, he was trying to fix up a meeting with a colleague and they looked over his shoulder and said, "oh dear, maybe not that day as it seems it's your wife's birthday!"

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

love it clam!!

nje I have reminded him, last month, before he went and since

don't worry everyone, I think we've already decided it's a case of 1st trimester hormones, was just sounding off and now feel shit so going back to fluffier threads

[HerHissyness]

Why not book a treat for you and him to do when he gets back and tell him upfront that it's a belated birthday celebration. Give him a second bite at the cherry?

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

ok - 1st trimester hormones it was, i ouht to have more faith, Came out and asked him straight on skype - my card is written and sat in his apartment (he can't find stamps?!) BUT he did order me a present which si due to arrive on my birthday....well done DH

[franke]

Aww, I've just seen this. It's shit being 11 weeks pg, and must be even worse with everything else you've got on.

Hope the present gets there on time