mu mum's 80th birthday - speeches

[sonearsofar]

My mum's 80th birthday party is coming up. The whole family is going, and my mum said that what she wanted for her present was for us all (including my husband and children, who are all in their 20s) to do a recitation, or play music or something like that. I'm not keen, as, unfortunately, I've always found my mum difficult and controlling and think this is an uber example of this. However, I've said to my children (not that they are children now) that she would like it and if they would care to etc. I'm playing something.

Anyway, now my that my lovely (not meant ironically, she is lovely, and, unlike my brother and I, gets on well with my mum, which is good) sister has suggested that we all do a little speech as well.

Am I being an ingracious cow if I don't want to. Why isn't enough for us all to be together without all this. I get on OK with my mum but feel like I'm being manipulated into something I don't feel comfortable with. Has anyone else done a speech at their mum's 80th?

[strawberry17]

I personally think it sounds excrutiating and I would be horrified (but then I get very nervous about things like performing and speaches).

[aylsham]

Just ask if you can make the toast to your mum at the end of the performances/speeches, instead of a speech!

[GettinganIcyGrip]

Oh god, this would be typical of my controlling mother too. Luckily she is so into herself (narc)that she hates any mention of her age (very elderly) so would not want this particular occasion emphasised!

Everything had to be choreographed to within an inch of its life. Every single photo from my childhood (not many of me I might add) was organised and set-up. Nothing spontaneous at all. No-one is allowed to just relax and enjoy themselves, it all has to run to a prior script, written by her.

Nowadays I call her up on it...as I do on everything, but that is after nearly two years of psychotherapy!!! Have you got time for that????!

Can you all just say no? Or can you have the celebration in a hotel or somewhere this would not be possible?

I have started wondering what will happen at my mother's funeral, as I have no desire whatsoever to make any kind of speech , as I just don't trust myself to not let it all out! I have to say that the rest of my family are all the same as her, to varying degrees, so this would just never happen! None of then are capable of saying nice things about any of the others!

If you all just take your life in your hands and say no, what is likely to happen? Could your lovely sister do a speech 'on behalf' of all of you?

xxx