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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Quantity or quality?

12 replies

FAB5 · 17/04/2011 17:10

DH tell me when it comes to sex he thinks quality is more important than quantity. I am sure he is right but on the basis that sex with him is fabulous 99 times out of 100 why even think about quantity? We have totally mismatched sex drives and sometimes it makes me . He is nicer than me. If I say no that is the end of it, if he says no to anything I sometimes sulk [bad wife]. It is my own fault as I did know all this but I married him for love, not sex and back then it seemed less of an issue. Now I just felt pathetic for wanting more sex than him and it seems like we only ever have it when he wants too. I told a friend that he can't do it when he has had a drink and she laughed but he knows when he can and when it isn't going to happen. I really hope I don't regret posting this . Maybe I am just unreasonable.

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FabbyChic · 17/04/2011 17:17

You have to reach a middle ground, just because he doesn't feel like it there is nothing to say he can't pleasure you.

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FAB5 · 17/04/2011 17:21

Oh I know and he would but I want us to be closer and also I feel a bit cheap when it is all for me. That is my feeling though, not anything dh has said or done.

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GypsyMoth · 17/04/2011 17:22

is there any chance he could read this?? cant believe you would post details here,poor man!!!

why dont you talk tp him,not a load of internet strangers!!!

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FAB5 · 17/04/2011 17:27

He knows and we have talked. It is anonymous and I am clearly being unfair so wanted some advice, Tillytulip.

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GypsyMoth · 17/04/2011 17:29

well go with what he says....you actually sound quite needy.

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FAB5 · 17/04/2011 17:41

Guilty as charged.

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RingEir · 17/04/2011 18:18

Feeling sexually dissatisfied is not a trivial issue, but are you sure it is the sex you are after or the intimacy? If it's the sex, could you not just pleasure yourself? It sounds a bit as though you are hurt when he rejects your sexual advances. Maybe you could try not to initiate things for a while, if sex is less easily available to him, he might want it more?

I don't think there is any harm in posting about this here btw, even if your DH were somehow to come across it you haven't said anything mean or negative about him.

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FAB5 · 17/04/2011 18:26

It isn't just sex though of course that is nice and so is an orgasm or two. I like feeling close to dh and wanted by him.

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RingEir · 17/04/2011 18:40

If he genuinely has a lowish sex drive then that's nothing to do with you, so you should try not to take it personally. Putting him under pressure (by sulking etc) is not attractive, in fact it's a real turn off.

Is he affectionate in other ways? Can you get that close feeling through hugs and kisses and not just sex?

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FAB5 · 17/04/2011 19:44

I know sulking is stupid. I am being totally unreasonable. He is just so damn gorgeous!

Anyway, we have had a chat and we will be fine. We have been through worse.

Thanks .

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RingEir · 18/04/2011 05:42

No need to put yourself down Fab5, and I am sure your DH loves you as much as you love him. Glad you were able to work things out. He sounds lovely :)