AIBU to feel totally powerless and like a crap mum?

[unsurevalentine]

I had a crap day and I need to rant.

Ex's partner has been constantly slating me to the kids the last few
weeks.  Every  time they come back they?re upset because she?s said this or that or the other, one week she told them that we could have had loads of exotic holidays and could have bought them loads of nice clothes etc  if I didn?t spend all my money on crap.  Unless she knows the contents of my bank account or stalks me when I go shopping how would she know and what business is it of hers and how untrue?  I work really hard to give the kids the things they need. 

She?s just mean and a controlling bully to them when they are there, Ds2 sais the other day he can?t wait until hes 16 so he can tell her what he thinks of her

Despite this they are adamant they still want to go and say they will
have a relationship with him in spite of her which I do admire and think is very mature but it makes me feel so sad they have to go through all this crap just to have a relationship with their dad.  She is doing this to them deliberately to try and wind me up.
 
It?s all come to a head this week as the kids are on holiday.  Ds2 is in
football club all week and ds1 and DD are at home (Ex won?t help and I
have taken a weeks leave next week to take advantage of the Bank Holidays).  They have the swimming time table, packed lunches in the fridge, money to go swimming, 3 phone numbers for me, credit on their phones and I phone the several  times  a day to check in with them.  Ex's partner has told the kids that it is illegal  for me to leave them and that I could get arrested

Obviously I know it isn?t but its caused the kids so much anxiety and worry.  I sent ex an email asking him to please have a word with her and pointing out that it isn?t in fact illegal and that I do not want to be in a position where I have justify my decisions, (which I feel totally undermines my  authority) to the kids and it is in fact nothing to do with her anyway.  He hasn?t replied,
instead when the kids went round there last night he has read them the email
 
Just feel so disappointed that ex is being so controlled and manipulated to
the determent of the kids and I feel powerless to do anything, other than to
stop them going which they don?t want anyway.  She keeps telling Ex that
Ds1 is really messed up and in turmoil which I addressed in my email and ds1 questioned this when it was read to him and she has told him that he is indeed a very troubled child
 
She speaks about me to them like I am unclean and useless and worthless and he does nothing to intervene and it is really getting to me as I do my best all the time to be a good mum to the kids and they know how much I love them.

 
Just wonder how long before she divulges stuff to them about my past ? which leaves me questioning whether I should be straight with them in case they hear another version from her.  I don?t want to tell them that stuff though as I am not ready and they don?t need to know anyway. 

 
I have no rights or power to do anything and if I so much as complain she
threatens me with legal action (for what I don?t know).
 
 

[Diggs]

I dont think id let them go anymore . I think id insist that their dad comes and sees them at your place or not at all . She doesnt get special rights to emotionally abuse them becauses shes dads girlfreind . If this was a woman down the street what would you say ?

Have you considered seeing a soliciter ? You do have rights , and plenty of them . She on the other hand has none.

[mamas12]

Agree with diggs.
Tell the dcs you are not stopping them from seeing their dad but you are protecting them from this vile woman.