I can't stand smoking and over the past few months DH has come home stinking of cigarettes. I've jokingly asked him if he's started smoking, and he always said no and said it was someone he worked with. On Sunday he said that he needed to get something out of the garage. He was gone ages and I wanted to ask him something, so I went out to him. I found him standing by the garage smoking a cigarette. Obviously it's up to him whether he smokes or not and, as long as he doesn't do it around DS or me, it's his choice, but why lie? I was really angry because he'd lied to me and I asked him what else he was hiding, and went through his pockets. I found tobacco, cigarette papers, filters and I also found condoms, a vibrator and lubrication gel. There were 4 condoms - 3 in a strip and 1 on its own so at least 2 had been used. DH insists that he hasn't used them although he admits to buying them. On the previous Friday he told me he was going out to get fuel for his car. The petrol station is only a mile away but he was gone for 2 1/2 hours. I tried phoning him but got no answer. He eventually phoned me and said that he'd had a phone call off a friend, and went to see him. He said he left his phone on the passenger seat and only noticed my missed calls when he got back to the car. I gave him the benefit of the doubt at the time but after my discovery on Sunday I think I was wrong to.
The thing is this isn't the first time something like this has happened. When we got engaged 10 years ago his Dad was dying of cancer and DH had an affair with 2 other women. I gave him a second chance at the time as he said it was because he was overwhelmed by what was happening with his Dad. I had 1 of the other women get in touch with me after and say that she was sorry but DH had told her he was single, and if she'd known the truth she would never have got involved. When DS was around 6 months old, DH used my computer to email a couple to offer his services to spice up their sex life. As he used my computer the default email account was mine, so I got the reply off the couple and his original message, in which he again claimed he was single.
I've got to the point where I just don't trust him anymore and I'm not sure what to do for the best. DH says that he wants to stay and he's sorry. We have a 6 year old DS who is autistic and has a physical disability. As much as I'd like to tell DH to go I've got to think of DS too. There's also the financial situation to think about too because I gave up work to look after DS and so am dependant on DH. The house we live in used to belong to my Dad. When he died he had an outstanding mortgage on it and no life insurance, so the bank allowed me to take over the mortgage. We've lived in this house for 6 years so I presume it would be classed as the marital home even though there's only my name on the deeds. I feel as though I should tell him to go as he's had enough chances in the past but I'm scared as to how I'll explain to DS, how I'll manage financially, whether or not DH will try to claim half the house - all those sort of things. Plus I'll be completely on my own with DS as I have no family around.
Any advice would be really gratefully received. Thanks.
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Relationships
Feeling confused
15 replies
AbundantBee · 07/04/2011 21:20
OP posts:
Malificence ·
08/04/2011 08:10
Hello AB, so pleased you decided to take up my suggestion of bringing this over here, might be best if you have a different name than this one though, the same posting name everywhere isn't such a good idea 
.
Sorry to see that you've still not got the truth out of him.
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