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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

My partner is an arse right?

83 replies

uniquegeek · 07/04/2011 04:59

I posted recently on AIBU re my boyfriend who didn't buy me a birthday card or present but happily let me pay for his spa on my birthday.
When I got upset about his lack of consideration he got angry.
Anyway last night I read his facebook page and he'd posted a public statement about if he should move towns or not. I got upset about this as I felt he should talk to me first. This is the first I'd heard of it.We had a row. I said I really needed him right now as my mum is dying. I asked him to come round so at leat we can talk about our differences. My dad told me yesterday and we are devastated.He didn't come round and comfort me but instead ignored my calls and de=friended me on facebook. Whenever we row he stonewalls like mad. i don't feel anything. I'm numb. This man is a not worth it is he?

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uniquegeek · 07/04/2011 05:03

I now can't sleep as I am so devastated that he could ignore me like this when I need him most.

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Livinginoz · 07/04/2011 05:07

I think you know the answer to this don't you. If he can't be there for you when your mum is ill, when is he going to be there for you?

Maybe its time to give up, stop calling him, and spend time with your mum and dad who are obviously more important and need you more that this twunt does.

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nothingnatural · 07/04/2011 05:09

Oh you poor thing. He does sound like a right fuckwit tbh. If he's de-friended you on FB, didn't buy you a present and ignores your calls then he seems to be a bit of a non-boyfriend really.

It's horrible timing but can you see this as a bit of a wake up call and kick him to the kerb. It sounds like you need to focus on your mum and family.

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QwertyQueen · 07/04/2011 05:21

sorry, he does sound like an a*hole.... very selfish and zero compassion.
So sorry about your mom, I know what that is like :(

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Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 07/04/2011 05:25

Nope, not worth it. Your mum is dying and he ignores your calls and defriends you on Facebook? Childish, immature and selfish, and sending a pretty strong signal that you're not important to him and don't feature in his life plans.

I'm so sorry about your mum.

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GotArt · 07/04/2011 05:28

No, he's not worth it. Spend time with your parents; they need you.

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uniquegeek · 07/04/2011 06:05

Thanks all. I know that this isn't right. He does have problems with work at the moment and when I did speak to him earlier he said he didn't want to make my problems worse as he has plenty of problems himself. (I am not the only one with problems apparently) .
I then had to explain to him that one of the nice things about having a partner is SHARING problems.
It seems to me that he only wants to be around when HE is feeling positive. It makes me feel that as a long term prospect he's no good because life isn't ALL positive and I need someone to be there through the bad times too. He's in his cave but I think he needs to get abgrip really.
I know I should chuck him but gosh- I love him so it's going to be hard. i am seeing him tomorrow. I just find the ''we must be positive at all times'' irritating and unrealistic tbh. he can't cope with the emotional nuances of life. I am not fake. I can't be positive if I am not feeling positive.

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uniquegeek · 07/04/2011 06:08

Oh and because he has a tummy bug I have to be eternally sympathetic even though I had the exact same bug a week ago and just got on with it. (I do sympathise as it was nasty.)

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nothingnatural · 07/04/2011 06:21

Sorry uniquegeek but I don't get it. How can you be positive about your mum dying? Sorry but life isn't relentlessly positive is it. Sometimes it's a bit shit and when it is you need someone who is kind and loving. Otherwise what's the point?

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compo · 07/04/2011 06:23

I don't think you can move past this

he doesn't love you Sad
he's basically split up with you the cowards way

so sorry to hear about your mum

I'd concentrate on her and your dad now and forget all about the bastard

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PeterAndreForPM · 07/04/2011 07:33

nah, he's not worth it

dump the sack of shit, and concentrate on yourself (and your poor mum) for a while x

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Fallingstars · 07/04/2011 08:00

Uniquegeek-I'm so sorry to hear about you mam. I couldn't agree more with the others here that you need to forget about this 'man' and concentrate on spending as much time with your mam as possible.

This man is cruel, thoughtless and staggeringly immature. As a long term prospect this man is a dreadful bet. He sounds almost identical to my ex boyfriend and I had to leave my relationship because even though I loved the guy very much he was literally draining every last bit of my strength.
Talking to him will make bugger all difference, I am telling you now he is the type who won't listen and will turn it round to make you think you are in the wrong.
And by the way, de- friending me on FB would be enough to make me dump him in itself, how old is this guy? 14?

As PAFPM bluntly puts it, dump the sack of shite. Your mam and your own emotional wellbeing is the most important thing at the moment, not some immature little boy who does nothing but make a horrible situation worse for you.

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yousankmybattleship · 07/04/2011 08:04

I'm sorry, but it seems to me that he's finished with the relationship in his head but is too cowardly to finish it properly and is trying to get you to dump him. Time to move on I think - hopefully someone much nicer and more mature in your future x

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MinnieBar · 07/04/2011 08:20

Umm, if he's ignoring you and has defriended you then hasn't he passively split up with you already??
Good riddance. Don't chase him anymore, don't even call or text him, focus on your family.

Good luck.

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Baggypussy · 07/04/2011 08:30

Seriously- get rid. He sounds a wanker. He'll be the one that ends up lonely & miserable, trust me.

Get rid. If not for yourself, then in your Mum's honour. No mum wants to think her daughter embroiled with such a twat.

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Jux · 07/04/2011 08:33

Almost the same thing happened to me with a bf, but it was pre-facebook. My dad died, I rang my bf and asked if he could take me out that night. Cue lots of excuses and blah about work and then he disappeared for about 3 months. Re-emerged saying he was scared of commitment, massive apologies, promises things would be different and so on. All bollocks.

Get rid. You're better off with no one to rely on than with someone who pretends he is but isn't. iyswim.

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/04/2011 09:20

No he is not worth it. Love your own self for a change as well as your Mum and Dad.

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welshbyrd · 07/04/2011 09:40

Poor you OP

I rarely swear on MN, but what a cock

Get rid

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Smum99 · 07/04/2011 09:46

So sorry about your mum, very sad.

Your relationship is not right and I don't think you need to find reasons why he's acting as he is..In his cave..errr No, it's more likely that he doesn't really care. Not maybe what you need to hear but his actions demostrate that.

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merrywidow · 07/04/2011 10:29

I know its hard to get rid, however a good few years down the line and a couple of kids later with this tosser behaving in the same way as he is now, you will wish he would just disappear.

Get rid, men are like buses, another will be along soon and make sure its a good one. You don't need this man to make you feel miserable.

Sorry about your mum; spend the time with her not on the waster who couldn't give a shit.

And , you only think you love him, its an illusion.

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OrangeBernard · 07/04/2011 10:33

Hell yeah, he's a complete arse.

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Sativa · 07/04/2011 10:35

I'm so sorry for you. You're worth so much more than this. If he can't be here for you now then when will he be ?

Is this how you imagined a partner would be ? I doubt it. Get rid of him and put him out of your mind completely otherwise he'll sap all the precious energy you'll be needing for your dear mum and dad. Delete him, ignore him, forget him.

The only people worth loving are the ones who love you back.

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Ephiny · 07/04/2011 10:41

Doesn't sound like he's worth it. What do you get out of this relationship? it sounds like not much, and I'm not talking about whether or not he buys you presents, but love and respect and companionship and being there to support you through difficult times.

If this is the early days of a relationship, not living together, not married, no kids, you have no reason to be tied to him. It doesn't sound as though you even like each other very much (and I can see why, on your side at least!)

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HerHissyness · 07/04/2011 10:47

He's an INSULT to arses actually!

How many threads have we had here relatively recently where the OP has has a life crisis, HE's not there for her, and then during that aftermath, he ends up going off and having an affair.

That is all that is missing from this tosser's tale. Him giving himself permission to drive the knife all the way in.

Tell him to move towns, you'll help, by calling him a cab. Today.

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slug · 07/04/2011 11:12

DeFriending you on Facebook is the modern equivalent of getting his mate to tell you he's dumped you.

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