feeling sad 37 weeks and dp looking at websites

[xmasbunny]

so ive been with dp 6 years and dc 2 is due in 2 weeks

the interney wasnt working the other day so i tried his ipod to see if it was just my pc (as normal) or a broadband issue before i phoned them and looked stupid. i swear i wasnt snooping or suspicious till his point !!

so his email pops up and it seems hes joined numerous dogey sites. these sites seem to be girls putting pics up to be found by men in the local area they describe themselves as dating sites rather than porn sites iyswim there are emails from girls in his inbox but i cant see what they say/ if he replyed without logging in. i put his pc on and his historys full of these sites as well as google serches for get laid tonight in x town.

i knew he looked at videos (found evidence before and just left it ) that doesnt realy bother me but i feel like this is something else. the fact hes looking at specific girls in our town and has put his email address in to get messages from them feels so wrong. im fairly sure he wouldnt actully cheat but at least then i could actuly have a right to feel betrayed

he normally stays up till 3 in the morning whist i go to bed at 11 or so, so i guess thats when hes looking at this. it hurts hed rather look at these girls downstairs while i sleep rather than be in bed with me.

i had a threatened mc as well as a previous mc and spd so our sex life has been crap during the last few months before we used to have sex 5 times a week or so. Iknow i look terrible but do i really deserve this?

i feel like i dont want him near me again or at the birth what if it puts him off me even more?

i cant even coinfront him cus itll look like ive been snooping and i really dont have anyone in rl to turn to

i dont know what i expect you to say just wanted to rant somewhere

[BattenburgAnyone]

Men googling porn? Women for that matter.......well, it's not everyone's cup of tea but it's "harmless", some might argue (I would not)

Your partner on what sounds like a contact directory of available girls for the purpose of sex, is something very different.

You must try very hard NOT to confront him about this right now because you are 37 wks pregnant. You must try to look after yourself. Can you confide in someone who is capable of supporting you at this time and who will not be judgemental and tell your partner?

When you are well enough, I'd confront him then. It's reasonable to check the internet connection if you thought it wasn't working. You need to know (when the time is right - most important thing is you and baby) WTF is going on!!

[xmasbunny]

no i litrally have no one gave up work to look after ds as we couldnt afford childcare(was working shifts) so any freinds i have are very vague aquaitances i could discuss other stuff with but not something deeply personal like this. my mums dead and i dont really have any other family (a brother halfway around the world) and obv cant discuss with his family!

i feel like it is partly my fault that if i was good enough he wouldnt need to look like i gave up my identity when i gave up work and now ive lost any looks i had through this pregnancy and theres nothing to me anymore :(

[Cruntie]

xmasbunny don't forget that there is an awful lot of porn stuff online designed to look like a 'real' person is involved; fake banners, fake chat pop-ups and fake webcam feeds that are in reality nothing more than heavily-disguised links to run-of-the-mill grotty sites.

The "get laid in [YOUR TOWN] tonight" stuff is particularly common, and you don't have to stray far from the respectable parts of the web to run into them. They're just porno site links, nothing more. Hubby could just have been looking for bittorrent links or live streams of the footy and come across (no pun intended) them that way.

If I were you I'd be more worried about the PC contracting viruses than I would him sloping off for a one-night stand with Kinky Katerina.

[xmasbunny]

well he seems to have created profiles with his details and given his email address and town which is where i saw the stuff in the firstplace and it was a google search hed done for get laid in X so thats what makes it seem to me more than just accidental running in to them.

[xmasbunny]

anyone got a simalar experience?

[ASecretLemonadeDrinker]

Welll, I get emails like this all the time - how they know my town and name is beyond me, it's usually just spam from another website.... usually. I'd just ask him. Tell him what you told us, ask for his log in details to double check any stories(keep PC/phone in sight at ALL times!) and it might be 'innocent', he might refuse to log in... you can't tell either way until you ask. It may be pretty innocent and will put your mind at rest for the birth xxx

[xmasbunny]

its not just emails though hes set up a profile on at least 2 websites and girls are messeging his email via that iyswim thats how they know his details and then when i looked at his pc hes clearly been visiting these websites and viewing other profiles

thing is i dont know whether to wait till im not pg and hormonal to ask him or do it now?

[SpringchickenGoldBrass]

Have you previously discussed with your DP the fact that you don't like porn and would prefer him not to look at it? if it's never been discussed between you and he is otherwise a wonderful partner, it is possible that he is looking at sites like these and having a wank because he knows you are tired, PG and not in the mood for sex so he wants to deal with his own libido and not bother you.

As to sites that offer the opportunity to MEET LOCAL WOMEN FOR SEX NOW they are usually scams. While there are women who like swinging and NSA sex they generally look for partners on swingers' sites. And these scammy sites and 'adult services' such as sexy text and chat lines do spam people constantly, sometimes quite convincingly.
Think about his behaviour towards you in general, is he affectionate, kind, does he pull his weight domestically and act like he loves and respects you? If not, you've got more to worry about than porn.

[suburbophobe]

i feel like it is partly my fault that if i was good enough

Ok, stop right there!!

You have to stop this train of thought, are you enabling him to access these sites? No, thought not!

You ARE GOOD ENOUGH!

[wendihouse22]

Wake up would you? Not good enough? You presumably are carrying a lot of weight now, YOU ARE ABOUT TO GIVE BIRTH!!

The simple fact is, if he IS trying to access sex on these sites, he is a shitty sleazeball and he is not worthy of YOU. What you do with that (when you're in a position to) is up to you.

Grow some self-confidence, would you? You're about to be a mum and that's incredible!!! If he can't see that, get rid.

[wendihouse22]

P.S Am not suggesting that if you are weighty at the moment, it would be a reason for your not feeling attractive/good enough..... could be other things but, my point? If he's doing this, you're worth more.

xx

[mirikiri]

Hi!
just to let you know that I was exactly in the same situation as you, except that I didn't know it at the time. I only found out 2 weeks ago and dd2 is 6mths, but the email exchange had also started when I was pregnant. I posted here before (see thread: dh use of sex dating sites "only a fantasy"???) and you might find some of it helpful.

I'm coming to terms with it. I agree with the person who said that if you look to have a sexy chat with someone, many sites will default to people near you but it is still disturbing when you find out that your partner has been "advertising himself" on the net and not even thought about protecting his identity. I remember thinking, well if he didn't intend to cheat on me, why did he tell them where and when he could meet and that he'd like to do it for real? but then, if he's capable to lying to me, isn't he just as likely going to lie to them, because it's part of the game, part of the thrill?

After reflection and also because my partner has been very supportive since I confronted him, I am glad i confronted him. We're slowly getting stronger and it helped that he wrote me a letter about how much he regretted hurting me etc... Although some trust has gone, I still wanted to hear from him what exactly he wanted and i believe him when he says that his family means everything to him.

You are the only one who can decide whether or not you need him and if all the rest of him (except his dirty secret) is worth it.

I wish you lot of strength and luck.