dp keeping things from me... its causing him stress, but i don't know what is going on

[juicychops]

dp is keeping things from me. he has been for months. He's a very private person and finds it hard to open up, but its getting worse. ive tried talking to him about it but he just clams up more

there is problems with his work, but i dont know what they are. there are problems with his ex and their kids, which is causing lots of probs for him, but i dont know what they are. one of his kids are having issues at school, which ive found out snippets of information over the weeks, but still have no idea what the problems are. ive found prescribed viagra in his bag in the last couple of months but he's not brought it up with me so i can't talk to him about it. i dont want to be the first to mention it as i dont want to embarrass him. He also has a lot of money worries and im worried he's getting more and more in debt and not telling me, but i dont know what the extent is.

i dont know what to do any more. He is so down all the ime. he doesn't sleep, he's stressed, his face has just aged so much in the last year. he seems so distant

i know its terrible, and i feel terrible for it, but this evening i had a little look in his bag just for a clue as to what is going on. I found a letter in the envelope still. it was unopened but had been ripped a bit so i had a look. Its divorce papers dating back to beginning of Jan which he hasn't opened or dealt with in any way.

i dont know what to do to help him with any of this. its like he cant cope with it so he's just burried his head in the sand.

we dont live together so his money issues dont directly affect me, but i want him to open up to me. its hurtful he doesn't want to share anything with me. He's told me in the past its not that he doesn't want to share, its just that he doesn't want to talk about it.

i have to see his stressed and down and tired all the time but i can't help him. i dont know how to support him and i dont know how to help him deal with anything as he wont let me in. Im completely shut out

any advice?

we've been together 5 years and i have no intension of walking away from him. I love him with all my heart and want to help him so that we can be happy together. But i dont know how

[juicychops]

bump??

[tigana]

unless there are issues ith alcohol...I'd usggest plying him with 2 or 3 glasses of wine then saying to him outright " You are stressed, looking exhausted and I know you are not okay, tell me what is going on" id he says "nothing" then persist.

[juicychops]

that wont work as he doesn't drink

[tigana]

dammit.
ok
you'll have to do it without the alcoholic leverage then.

You can't help unless he opens up...point out that you are there for him, that you KNOW something si wrong and you want to help, even if all you can do is be there for him, but you can't do that unless he talks to you about it.
Tell him strong and silent and stiff upper lip is over-rated as it too often ends in breakdown ( both nervous and relationship)

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

It might be worth pointing out to him that you appreciate him trying to protect you from all of his worries but in fact he is doing more harm that good because you care about him and don't expect him to shoulder the burden alone.

You can persist in asking him what is wrong but don't be surprised if it ends in a bloody good row. However, that might not be a bad thing