Someone give me a slap!

[LifeMovesOn]

Just struggling a little bit - this is the first time since the Twunt left after his affair that it's dawned on me all the decisions I have to make on my own.

Just need someone to give me a slap around the face because feeling a bit down.

Took DD around another of the universities she's been accepted into (5 out of 5, proud mum moment!). We live right down on the south coast of England, been to look around Kings in London, last week was Leeds, yesterday Cardiff, so of course it's costing a fortune in fuel. I don't mind, anything for my daughter, but got back home last night, tired and drained and it really hit me that it is just me making all these decisions with her, no support from Him because he's too busy playing happy families with the latest girlfriend and her son who is due to go to uni.

I've managed to get through and deal with everything in the last 18 months, but whallop - great big fist in the face feeling last night.

I want my mummy!! (I really do, but sadly she's been dead 16 years).

And there's the thought of once DDs moved to uni, I am all on my lonesome in my house.

So - here's the plan, time for a downsize me thinks. Hate do that yet though, purely because it gives the soon to be ex his 45% share of the house (which he certainly doesn't deserve given it was my money that paid for it, but hey ho).

Sorry, just need that slap. I'm stopping rambling now

[bigknickersbigknockers]

sorry.... no can do. You need a hug not a slap

[perfumedlife]

You're doing great! You need a nice bottle of red and two hours of rightmove.com porn.

It's the future now, and you get to make all the decisions, imagine? You don't need to take in to consideration ex's questionable taste on anything house related. All your glories will be yours alone!

It's win win.

[Hassled]

You don't need a slap, you need someone to tell you you've done bloody well and should be incredibly proud of your DD.

Consider yourself duly told :).

[sufficient]

No slap from me either :-) I think you sound bloody fantastic and you've obviously brought up a v talented/clever daughter (congrats on all the Uni places!).

Do you have to downsize? Could you get a lodger? Or is there anywhere beautiful, that you love, where you've always wanted to live?

[TeeBee]

Meh, if he's a twunt would probably not have any decent input into uni choice anyway. Ooooh, if you are downsizing you get to choose a house that is perfect for you and you don't have to take anyone else's opinion on it at all! Lovely. And at the same time, you get to wipe out Ex for good.

[FourFortyFour]

Do you have to give him 45% if he hasn't paid into the house?

[Anniegetyourgun]

Congratulations to you and your DD both.

Are you in any need to hurry with the downsizing? DD will need somewhere to come back to in the holidays. For the loneliness, how about a cat, or if you're allergic to fur, a parrot? I found both tremendously good company, though not, I hasten to say, at the same time. You can even get a bit of conversation out of a parrot, admittedly limited (but not any more limited than some men we could mention).

As TeeBee rightly says, who wants a twunt's input to the important decisions anyway? He's unlikely to have any better ideas than yours and might overrule you with worse ones.

"It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul."
(William Ernest Henley)

[Snorbs]

The responsibility that's on your shoulders as a single parent can feel very heavy at times. On the other hand, though, when you look back and you realise that you did it is a powerful reminder of how capable you really are.

You don't need a slap, you need to pat yourself on the back and remind yourself about how much you have achieved and what a damn good job you're doing for your daughter.

[sufficient]

Ooh yes, getting a pet is def something I'm going to add to my 'things to do now single' list. @ parrot's superior level of conversation!

[lazarusb]

You really should be patting yourself on the back You are a strong, self-sufficient woman who is clearly an excellent role model to a clever daughter. She wouldn't be who she is without you behind her, I'm sure she is just as proud of you too.
Have you had financial / legal advice as to how you could him his share without selling? There might be a way round it.

You said you are on the South Coast...I am in Hastings if you ever want to meet up for a coffee and a chat when dd is at Uni? (I hope that doesn't sound pushy...may have just outed myself too!)

[garlicbutter]

No slap from me either :)

You're doing better than fine, actually! The 'shock' you felt is about missing what you think people should have or think others have, isn't it? Not fear of coping, because you known damn well you handle your life beautifully!

Selfish house & adorable pet sound like very good ideas :)

[jesuswhatnext]

no slaps here! - re the house thing - have you had any thoughts about the type of lifestyle you would like to lead once dd is off? - i think i would be looking at easy maintaintence, lock-up and leave at a moments notice (you never know what invites you may get! ) something a bit modern and glam?, or more trad and cosy?, the best thing is of course, the choice is ALL YOURS!!! when my exdh left us, i REALLY enjoyed getting my new place, all mine, no memories of him (got rid of all his hideous shitty stuff) oh, twas great!

you sound like you are doing fine!, give yourself some credit!

[cjel]

Well done you, you sound fantastic. all that driving around on your own. Different place to live could be wonderful. no mor rooms of the wrong sort of memtories, just a new one to build. Hugs.

[LifeMovesOn]

Awww, thanks mumsnetters. Thanks for the hugs - although I do still feel like I need a good slap. Yesterday was a bad day - first I've had in months, still have the edge of it today, but getting more positive.

With regards the house, I don't need to sell it just yet - I managed to get the Twunt to agree our daughter can live in it until she finishes her degree at uni (3 years). Wasn't that SO generous of him.

Had to speak to the little oik yesterday to remind him his daughter had been to look around another uni. Of course he retaliates in his usual jouvenile way of blaming me or his daughter for not letting him know (we did). Ahhh dear, like my friends say, what a lucky escape.

It's just the sheer enormity of facing all the decisions on my own, I think. I've just taken control over the last 18 months and done things without sometimes even thinking. Katie going to uni is such a big thing and I find it all rather terrifying - mainly because it sees a turning point in both of our lives.

But a good one, nonetheless, I'm sure.

Thanks for being there for me

[Anniegetyourgun]

Well we can always slap you if you like that sort of thing!