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So he has gone at last..why do I feel so wretched?

(137 Posts)
memorylapse Mon 14-Mar-11 12:56:06

Following on from my previous threads, H finally left today after confessing he had strong feelings for the woman he had the EA with, he said he cant shake them off, he thought by staying, that the feelings would sbside, but they havent, he said he cares for me, but that he doesnt feel a spark etc. We had been coasting since christmas anyway..

He reckons he hasnt gone to stay with her..yeah righthmm..I should be releived that I finally have some closure..instead I feel tortured..I keep imagining them together, laughing and joking at work,etc..I feel sicksad

Aislingorla Mon 14-Mar-11 13:13:08

So awful for you. Sorry.

PeterAndreForPM Mon 14-Mar-11 13:16:50

I am sorry x

Best he goes though, if he was never going to give your relationship his full attention

memorylapse Mon 14-Mar-11 13:23:16

You are right Peter Andre, I guess I lost him a long time ago,I feel so stupid and deluded, that I got back together with him initially and had another baby

PeterAndreForPM Mon 14-Mar-11 13:27:49

sweetheart, I remember your previous threads

you tried, he didn't (not hard enough)

that isn't stupid, you love(d) him and wanted to keep your family together

however, now you can move on, knowing that one person in a partnership wanting it so much, just isn't enough x

easy words, eh ? smile

PeterAndreForPM Mon 14-Mar-11 13:28:48

oh, and you didn't "lose" him, he decided to detach himself

there is a difference

memorylapse Mon 14-Mar-11 14:15:59

I guess I have some closure now, its true he didnt WANT to keep our marriage together, I did all the giving, he did all the taking..I have cried my eyes out then started changing my living room around, I want the house to look different

PeterAndreForPM Mon 14-Mar-11 14:33:30

go out tomorow and buy new bed linen

memorylapse Mon 14-Mar-11 14:51:21

Thats a good ideasmile

I might personalise the bedroom too, to my taste

PeterAndreForPM Mon 14-Mar-11 14:52:41

what colour do you fancy ?

memorylapse Mon 14-Mar-11 15:03:59


PeterAndreForPM Mon 14-Mar-11 15:06:07

oi, don't diss purple

I have a purple and black bedroom !

well, plum, not purple grin

make sure you choose a colour that he would hate ..

memorylapse Mon 14-Mar-11 15:19:05

no Im being seriousgrin.I wanted a purple feature wall in the bedroom with plum bedding and sparkly plum voile..he hated anything like that, inc my windchimes etc. When I met him 16 years ago, I dressed in purple and black and had purple hair, pierced nose etc, my house was all windchimes and clutter, within six months of him moving in, I had a cream house devoid of anything personal, my piercings were gone..

he never loved me for me, it was who he wanted me to be, now Im going to be ME again!

sufficient Mon 14-Mar-11 15:31:58

So sorry memorylapse, am going through the same thing. H gave exactly the same reasons too! Sending you lots of support and hugs, hope you have fun redecorating

memorylapse Mon 14-Mar-11 15:39:14

Im sorry you are going through it to Sufficient. Did your ex h have an EA?

thumbwitch Mon 14-Mar-11 15:44:10

memorylapse - you let him change you that much? wow, I'm so sorry! but not sorry he's gone - now that he HAS left the building you can stop trying to be someone you are not and be free to be the person you really are!
(on a personal note, I think the purple-and-black loving person would be faaaar more interesting and fun than the bland ol' cream one - and I love windchimes)

You are going to feel so much better in a short while - you really are. ONce you re-establish your identity, you will realise that you have been living under oppression for the last however many (did you say 16?) years and you will be relieved that he has fucked off.

Oh you will be much happier without this knobber. The OW will now be having her personality erased by him while you regain all your strength and passion for life. Best of luck.

PeterAndreForPM Mon 14-Mar-11 16:04:30

Get your piercings back

Find your real personality again, now that you do not have to please anyone else

and love, don't change yourself so much for a man, ever again, ok ?

GoddessofSubburbia Mon 14-Mar-11 16:15:16

Memorylapse, I'm a long time lurker, and occasional poster, and I just had to post on your thread- hope you don't mind.

I was in exactly the same circumstances as you 6 months ago, except that my marriage broke down under mutually agreeable terms- well, mostly. But exH had done exactly the same personality erasing on me too- he's a designer, and therefore knew much more than me about matters of taste...hmm suffice to say around September of last year, I woke up, looked around me and didn't recognise myself.

Changing things, rediscovering yourself again is helpful, and most of all, it's fun! My bedroom has the feature wall you describe, along with voile etc, and bed dressings (so shoot me!) except it's various colours of teal. I have a new dining table, which I know he thinks is the worst example of taste possible... you know what? I love it, because I finally stopped caring about what he thinks. He is not my barometer of good taste anymore, and whilst it still hurts that we are no longer together, indulging 'me', having things I've chosen around me and having a bit of fun has been an enormous comfort in the more difficult times.

Keep going... I promise it gets easier.

memorylapse Mon 14-Mar-11 19:18:47

Solid Gold..dont worry no personality erasing required for new woman, she is everyone I never was..thats why they clicked.

I cant beleive I allowed myself to change so much..when I met H I was a festival loving single mum, he was everything I NEVER went for in a man, but I was attarcted to him, I thought maybe my breaking my type I might get a man who cared for me.

he was my neighbour and told me he used to watch me walk past and think "shes really nice shame about the clothes"hmm why the heck didnt I hear the warning signs..he immediately started winging about my nose piercing, my windchimes etc. Desperate to please him I changed ..outwardly though..inside I was still the same..tbh I wondered if he ever loved me out marriage broke down over the last couple of months, he started bitching about things I did, liked etc.

memorylapse Mon 14-Mar-11 19:20:15

Goddess..theres something very satisfying about getting things you know your h would hatewink

PeterAndreForPM Mon 14-Mar-11 19:24:54

Next time, maybe it would be good if you only let someone in with which you have a lot in common

I say opposites can attract...but there must be compromise on both sides, and it sounds like he made fuck-all effort on that front hmm

memorylapse Mon 14-Mar-11 19:58:10

well..I think Ill look forward to my own company for a while..*if* I ever get to the stage of getting involved with someone, it will be someone who loves ME, windchimes and all..

H came round to get some more stuff today, he said "I never wanted any of this" I told him to f**k off

PeterAndreForPM Mon 14-Mar-11 20:00:03

good thinking, ML

on the "own company" and on telling him to fuck off smile

memorylapse Mon 14-Mar-11 20:11:06

Im not adverse to saying what I thinkgrin

thumbwitch Mon 14-Mar-11 21:14:05

memorylapse - you're fab. Well done! if he says anything like that again, perhaps you could say "no obviously - you never really wanted me the way I truly am, and thank God you've realised it and left me so I can go back to being ME!"

memorylapse Mon 14-Mar-11 22:58:40

thank you thumbwitch..I have done a lot of crying in the last few hours,I honestly couldnt imagine being with anyone else right now..with the exception of Noel Fieldingwink

PeterAndreForPM Mon 14-Mar-11 23:02:43

Noel eh ?

now I know you need to be on your own for a bit grin

ML, I am so sorry, but you will be ok, I promise you x

thumbwitch Mon 14-Mar-11 23:03:13

well I think that's a very healthy attitude to have (apart from Noel Fielding, of course wink) - you're going to need some time to find yourself again, because it's been so long since you've been true to yourself! You can't entirely go back to the way you were either, because you have grown a lot in 16y; so you have to do some kind of mental simulation thing of how you would have been 16y after you met your ex if you hadn't married him. It's do-able - but it will take you a little time. However, you will manage it!

memorylapse Mon 14-Mar-11 23:15:29

Peter Andre..yep you are probably rightgrin

Thumbwitch.I shall be doing a lot of thinking and getting back in touch with myself, when I met H I was 22, Im now 38..

PeterAndreForPM Tue 15-Mar-11 08:27:46

checking in

memorylapse Tue 15-Mar-11 08:51:29

Im still here, had a rotten night, didnt get to sleep until 2 am. Am going to buy some cushions for downstairs to day, funky ones..he hated cushions with a passion grin

PeterAndreForPM Tue 15-Mar-11 09:02:59

We shall help you to thump them fluff them up.

memorylapse Tue 15-Mar-11 12:10:50

havent been out to buy the cushions yet, have the children at home..sadly the realisation that Daddy wasnt coming home hit..and it hit my 6 year old hardest, she has cried all have I..

I hate him for what hes putting those children through

thumbwitch Tue 15-Mar-11 12:57:22

oh memory - so for you all. I never understand why men can't engage brain before they create this amount of devastation - but that's because I don't have a dick and don't think like one.

Was trying to find a pic of our latest cushion purchase (I have ishoos with buying cushions - I like them so much but have to limit myself blush) but couldn't find a decent pic. You'd like it, I think - deep chocolate brown silk, with a claret silk panel on one side, embroidered with laser-cut gold sequins in butterfly patterns. Very nice! and on sale. DS wanted one and I liked it so why not!

Can you all go shopping together and let the DC have some input into choosing the cushions? It might be quite nice for them to realise that there will be upsides to not having Daddy around....

memorylapse Tue 15-Mar-11 13:50:01

he said that he still cared about me as the mother of his children, but stopped looking at me like a wife a long time agoangry pity he didnt tell me that before he got me pregnant again the b*****d.

will go cushion shopping tomorrow, your cushion sounds lovely Thumbwitch

ZuzuBailey Tue 15-Mar-11 14:09:37

"Am going to buy some cushions for downstairs to day, funky ones..he hated cushions with a passion"

Mine hated cushions too, memorylapse, that's why I bought half a dozen Huge Furry ones when he left.

And new, girly bedding just for me.

I couldn't stop cleaning for weeks as well grin

Keep your chin up x

PeterAndreForPM Tue 15-Mar-11 17:23:03

aww, sweetie

poor you, and poor kids

he is a twat


3wks ago I was feeling pretty much the same as you, it's crushingly awful that stupidity isn't it?

It will pass, and you will see that it wasn't you that was the idiot, it was him. He chose to be cruel, mean, rude, and manipulative. Your only 'crime' was to want to love and be loved.

I changed my room around last week (rented) and it really does help. I've cleaned the oven, cleaned the kitchen and made myself an office corner in here. Bought myself a desk from ebay, all set up now and it's lovely!

Girly bedding seems like a bloody brilliant idea too! I might even get some cushions.

Have just had to buy myself a car though (SQUUEEEEAAALLL!!!) so a bit <eek> at how I'm going to pay for it all... but the bedding will be on the list!

You'll get there love, really you will. Be yourself just get rid of the bloody windchimes grin

memorylapse Tue 15-Mar-11 20:10:11

thanks all..
weeell..Im going to a gym induction tomorrow..time for a new me!grin

memorylapse Tue 15-Mar-11 20:11:23

p.s PA..yep you are definitely on the money there..hes a T W A Tgrin

PeterAndreForPM Tue 15-Mar-11 20:12:06


let us know how you get on

and don't forget the will need something to rest your sore gluteals on wink

memorylapse Tue 15-Mar-11 20:47:00

he! he!..Im going to ache in places I didnt know existed tomorrow!!

SlightlyMadSpook Tue 15-Mar-11 20:52:56


Another one who is in a similar position....XP moves out next week after a similar story. There is a Chin up tits out thread that have offered fab support.

PeterAndreForPM Tue 15-Mar-11 20:59:10

"Dumplings" is the thread, in the Relationships topic

SlightlyMadSpook: you poor thing, it's worse immediately before. Once he has gone, you will feel some relief.

I had a pain in my throat that I thought was an infection, tonsillitis. Turns out that it was that pain you get when you are trying not to cry. I had it for 4 or 5 days straight. Until he went.

I'm on a diet, lost 2kg this week. Will brave exercise when there is lest bulk to throw about!

thumbwitch Tue 15-Mar-11 21:07:46

LMHF - you certainly sound a lot brighter than you did a week ago! Glad you're starting to feel a lot better.

SMS - good luck with losing the dead weight in your life.

Memory - take it easy at the gym - you don't want to pull a muscle! Lots of stretching and going slowly for a while, ok? Have a 'good' time anyway - exercise does help with producing feel-good chemicals in the bod.

Thanks thumb! I don't cry anymore. Only well up.

trouble is, that I stupidly spoke to him and he has now stated that we are on a break, so somehow I still feel weighed down by him again. I have now to forget all that, try to tune him out again.

I do feel better in myself, I'm working more, earning more, buying a car on Thursday, dumping the old one, getting my bank balance back under control (seeing as he's not draining it anymore, and in fact I drained HIS account the other week!)

I'm doing my same old trick, isolating the incident, brushing past it and now back 'helping' on MN....

PeterAndreForPM Tue 15-Mar-11 23:00:40

hisso...don't hold it in

you know where we are, if you need us

thumbwitch Wed 16-Mar-11 00:09:24

LMHF - he might think you are on a break, but a break can be permanent! So free yourself - you have broken with him now, it can and will stay that way. And stop speaking to him! Emails only, texts if you really have to. No talking.

When my ex used to phone to discuss arrangements, my neck hairs used to start crawling and I'd often feel quite lightheaded/dizzy. Not a good sign! So glad I don't ever have to speak to him again (no DC).

memorylapse Wed 16-Mar-11 09:41:17

Hissyfit..he might think you are on a break but as thumbwitch said that can be permanent. Dont engage in spoken conversation with him, texts, emails. Because you can answer them when it suits you and you dont have to speak to him.

I cried all yesterday but took some comfort in todays gym induction which is in half an hour. I am not going to let myself fall apart over another human being

He doesn't text/email. Forrin. His native language is squiggles.

I have no reason to talk to him at all. Only call him generally to pass phone to DS. Even then DS is reluctant at the moment to talk...

There was an issue i needed to speak to him about, but I've solved that now, so tbh, that is it for me, bar him sending money as and when, until he sells the flat in Alex.... and that will be years probably.

Cross this bridge when it comes to it, but he is saying he'll come back in November for a visit, DS Birthday, christmas etc..

Not entirely sure where he thinks he'll be staying... hmm

Good thinking memorylapse, there's the spirit! How dare another saddo human being make you feel like this. Who the hell is he to do that to you.

Keep going love. It gets better. And even better eventually, so I've heard!!

PeterAndreForPM Wed 16-Mar-11 13:20:19

hissy, you need to disabuse him of the idea that he will stay in your house when he visits

if you let him think he is from now, it will be harder to tell him he isn't nearer the time

thumbwitch Wed 16-Mar-11 13:21:53

November is a good way off, LMHF. Plenty of time to find a local B&B for him to stay in. grin you could always turn the spare room (assuming you have one) into an office/ playroom/ lodger's room so there is physically no room for him at yours.

And, tbh, there is no guarantee he will actually come back then so you could be fretting (slightly) for nothing.

How about you get caller ID on your phone and wait for him to call DS?

thumbwitch Wed 16-Mar-11 13:22:38

oh and well done on the gym induction, memory! hope you don't ache too much! grin

Pete, I know, I KNOW, he can stay in London with friends if need be. I want him to see DS, for all the normal obligation reasons/for DS to know him. Trouble is, that desire to see him will have to be impelled by me.

No need to sit you down to tell you that 'H' has another son, 2 junctions down the motorway, must be 14 or thereabouts I think. I've known 'H' since 2000. He's never seen him, the mother won't let him. he's texted, phoned etc, 90% of the time she won't even pick up.

She said to him 'DS and I are a package, you can't have one without the other' When he went, I told him that she had said that, but that I say the opposite, he has a DS, whether or not he has me, I would expect him to make an effort and not let him down.

ha ha thumb, you seem to have mistaken him for Dad of the Decade.. HIM call to speak to DS....???

<holds sides> Sadly think I'm going to have to learn how to protect my gorgeous boy's self esteem when he realises that Dad isn't there, isn't involved or wants to be.

WTF did I do that for? Why did I settle for this? What a fucking idiot. My fuck up is going to hurt my precious son.

Anyway Monkeyboy has a friend coming over for tea, need to tidy up before they trash it, and do the rice for the Chilli I've done.

Back later (apols for hijack)


PeterAndreForPM Wed 16-Mar-11 14:13:29

hissy...just out of interest, how do you know that the mother of H's other son is the one that blocks contact ?

did he tell you that ?

thumbwitch Wed 16-Mar-11 14:14:07

well I did rather wonder if he would bother his arse.
But if he doesn't, and your DS doesn't particularly want to talk to him, then why bother? Let your DS dictate when he wants to talk to his dad, and if his dad doesn't think it's enough, well the answer is in his hands, isn't it.

thumbwitch Wed 16-Mar-11 14:26:38

Peter anyone fancy wandering over here for a bit? Someone is going to get hurt...

Pete, I've seen him call, text and what have you, she never answers, she never replies, he even said if she needed financial input, to let him know. She has said, apparently that her DS will decide at 16 if he wants contact.

Picked the boys up.

sad didn't hear the context, but on the walk home from school, the comment from the 4yo was 'You don't have a Dad, My dad's at home'

Fair dues to DS, he said, I do have a dad, but he's not living with us.

Fucking marvellous. How shit can I feel? sad

PeterAndreForPM Wed 16-Mar-11 18:35:03

ok, hissy, I hought it worh questioning

because we know he folly of taking a bloke's word for everything don't we ?

aww, that was a nasty thing to hear on the way home from school, but The Boy Wonder did good, and he will have to ge used to it, I am afraid. Kids can be little shits.... sad

PeterAndreForPM Wed 16-Mar-11 18:35:19


Oh yeah especially HIS word....

I do tend to question everything now. some things stack up, others don't.

I'm in a foul mood now sadly, it'll pass, before I really let rip on AIBU, I'll slope off to do some work, and have an early night.... picking the new wheels up tomorrow!!! yeyeyeye!

da55 Wed 16-Mar-11 20:02:15

sorry just stay strong.

PeterAndreForPM Wed 16-Mar-11 20:28:22

yay, new wheels !

ML how ya doing ?

memorylapse Wed 16-Mar-11 22:25:21

bit of an up and down day here, went to the VW garage to look at trading down my people carrier for a bean can, sadly I cant afford the people carrier..

have cried a lot today..I have 16 years to grieve for..I guess this is normal..I want to wake up and not have any feelings for him

PeterAndreForPM Wed 16-Mar-11 22:27:55

it's normal, I am sure

thumbwitch Wed 16-Mar-11 22:46:16

It is normal. GOod days and bad. But the good days will grow in number and the bad days will become further apart - and then you'll have a few bad days close together and think you're going backwards, but you're not, it's just part of the process. Swings and roundabouts - but eventually it passes, honestly.

memorylapse Wed 16-Mar-11 23:46:51

thanks both..I am ringing the tax credits office tomorrow to get my new tax credits award sorted and also housing benefit. I need to speak with my LL to broach the subject of him letting me stay here if Im on HB

ChippingInMistressSteamMop Thu 17-Mar-11 00:08:34

ML - do you need to tell him if you can make the rent? I wouldn't, why stir up trouble?

Crying is very normal and will last a while, no matter how much you know you are actually better off!!

Have you bought the paint yet??

memorylapse Thu 17-Mar-11 09:05:46

Chipping..I cant pay the rent, I dont even earn £650 a month, so Im going to have to claim housing benefit etc and he will know as it will be paid direct to him. When I moved in it clearly said No DSS No HB on the ad

no painting sadly as rented house but am off to buy some feature wall transfers, voile, new bedding for bedroom today

SlightlyMadSpook Thu 17-Mar-11 09:22:52

I think it will be less of a problem than you think.

He knows you, and won't have to pay agency fees to get tennants in. It can be a problem when you are looking for a new place but seeing as you are already there and if hyou get HB he KNOWS he will get paid it shouldn't be a problem.

I think that the reason a lot of places say no HB is because there is a bit of sterotype that if you get HB you can come with other baggage so it is percieved as "safer" for them to steer clear. As you are already there he will know you don't come with teh sterotypical "baggage" so you are in a stronger position than as a new tennant IYSWIM.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 17-Mar-11 09:28:51

Yes, LMHF, you are on a break. It just so happens to be a lifetime break. He can't make you take him back. He can't make you do anything, except let you see his son, which is fair enough. That'll be just enough seeing him to remind you how great it is that you will never live together again. Never.

I found buying my own car a massive symbol of freedom. I'd had several before, but XH was always the one who "did cars" so I felt he was in charge of that area. Now I haz car and it is mine. He asked to borrow it once. I did laugh.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 17-Mar-11 09:34:58

Hmm, I seem to have missed a whole page of replies out there, sorry blush

memorylapse Thu 17-Mar-11 10:26:49

Spook..yep Im hoping that too..he knows Ive been a good tenant and he can see the house is being looked after.

ML, honey, you are not even a week into this, after so long, of course the first week or so will be hard.

Please just be kind to yourself, try and stay busy, try to get some rest. Get what you need to get done during the day, and in front of the DC, then when they are all tucked up in bed, you can come on here and vent, cry or just simper. We'll be here.

You are going to get speed bumps, like I did yesterday, but today is another day, and I'm OK, I'll live.

In a few days literally, you will realise that you don't miss the tension, the atmosphere, once that kicks in, you know your own personal Spring is on the way.

Have a great day today... Oh and Happy St Patricks Day... shamrock


Erm rent.... HB... AFAIK, it gets paid to you! Your landlord wouldn't automatically know you are getting it, unless you tell him.

thumbwitch Thu 17-Mar-11 12:41:32

Housing Benefit went through a period of being paid directly to the landlord but I'm pretty sure that's stopped now, something to do with some LLs being a bit tricksy with it if it was over paid and them not returning it, but I could be remembering that wrong.

The reason most places won't take HB tenants is not because of any stereotyping on the part of the LL or the agent, it's because of the house insurance/mortage people. I know this because I am a LL and my mortgage company would only allow me to rent the house out if I did NOT take anyone who is on HB.

So - if you get the HB paid directly to you then it would probably be better if you didn't let him know about it; but if he asks, or you have to sign a new contract as a sole tenant and it asks you in there, you really should declare it or you would be acting illegally. And if his mortgage company won't allow him to let to a HB recipient then you might have to move.

You could ring your benefits office at the council to ask them about how housing benefit is paid; then go to CAB about this and ask them. There might be ways around it, especially as you are a long-term tenant and a good one.

Sorry if that's not what you want to hear but you do need to act legally.

thumbwitch Thu 17-Mar-11 12:55:02

Should add that this won't necessarily be the case with all landlords - it does depend on the mortgage company and whether or not they actually still have a mortgage of course!
BTW, my confusion over whether it is the mortgage or the house insurance people is because I have both mine with the same operator.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop Thu 17-Mar-11 15:45:56

That sounds like good advice Thumb

(how's your oven/oven door these days??)

ML - how was your shopping spree today?? What did you buy?

memorylapse Thu 17-Mar-11 18:56:52

Thanks for that advice Thumbwitch..I will investigate it as I thought it would be paid direct to the landlord. I bought funky purple sequin curtain panels for MY bedroom, funky cushions ands ome wall canvasses. My room has been well and truly pimped!

PeterAndreForPM Thu 17-Mar-11 19:07:05

loving the visuals of your room, ML

hee hee, hee, I bought bright turquoise and pink floral duvet set today... not got the cushions yet, but see Cargo have half price sale...

ML, your new sanctum sounds adorable!

memorylapse Thu 17-Mar-11 19:25:18

I love it, its my new sanctuary, if he could see it he would probably break out in a cold sweatgrin

even better news..Im going to Glasto this year..something to seriously look forward to

PeterAndreForPM Thu 17-Mar-11 19:26:32

ohh, ML, I would love to go to Glastonbury

I have never done it sad

Slashtrophe Thu 17-Mar-11 19:55:59

Just to chip in ML - I get HB paid direct to me and my landlord doesn't know (I was credit checked before I started on HB)

memorylapse Thu 17-Mar-11 20:02:56

Thanks Slashtrophe

PA..Im really chuffed, Im a face and body artist and Ive been asked by a heavily pregnant friend to take her place on the kidz field, with a free ticket to the literally jumping with excitement

PeterAndreForPM Thu 17-Mar-11 20:04:38


Pete, I sat there last time watching Glasto on telly thinking, Oh these bands area ACE, I'd love to see them live.

But I don't really DO tents.... or slumming it. I don't even do no-frills airlines...

Anyone got a campervan/winnebago Pete and I can borrow?

PeterAndreForPM Thu 17-Mar-11 21:19:44

We will borrow Kate Moss's trailer thingy

Not that I have the kind of budget, but look!

Failing that Pete, I have a week in Snowdonia in August.

I'll pick you up en route - bring your thermals....

Patienceobtainsallthings Thu 17-Mar-11 22:42:34

waves to everyone ,just remember as long as kids have one stable parent they will be fine.Look after urself cos u are number one now and the kids will be fine .ML i was 16yrs with X too,but im over the worst of it and yep the peace and positivity in my home is the biggest gift i can give my kids.
This is a time for growth now and u will grow emotionally and become so strong .Big hugs ,crying is healing dont repress it feel all the emotion then keep moving forwards.

memorylapse Fri 18-Mar-11 09:21:49

must admit..its a long time since I did the camping thing..but..I am rediscovering the old megrin

I slept like a baby last night for the first time in weeks..I think the bottle of baileys helpedblush

feel a bit more positive today, keep telling myself that him NOT being in my life is far better than him being IN my life..he made me unhappy, his behaviour made me unhappy, he did not show me any love or concern.. I DONT need him

Patience, despite your U and urself usage hmm <old gimmer hates txtspk> wink I thank you!

Your post is a really good point to remember, peace and positivity! Happiness and calm - what more is there to life?

thumbwitch Fri 18-Mar-11 12:49:59

Wow, ML - big moves in a short space! Love the sound of your room makeover .
Glastonbury is one of those things that I have always liked the idea of but am pretty sure I wouldn't have enjoyed the reality of - I don't like tents, insanitary loo arrangements or not being able to get any sleep due to everyone else partaying til dawn local noise - but I still wish I'd done it when I was younger. Wow to the body art thing - sounds fab! Are you one of those who does pregnant bumps?

LMHF - your new bedroom stuff sounds fab too. <<another old gimmer re. text speak>>

thumbwitch Fri 18-Mar-11 13:37:46

(Chipping - thanks for remembering grin - the oven has been replaced with an electric one at vast expense because it needed hard-wiring in and the previous wiring had been removed, it appears - my lovely Dad took care of the payment so I didn't have to worry about it; plus I have nice new tenants now. The agent says that the house is looking better kept in the two week since they've been there than the whole time the previous tenants had it.)

Patienceobtainsallthings Fri 18-Mar-11 13:51:40

It's what keeps me going hissy tbh .I just think why would I want to be with someone that hurts me.
Re text speak ,funniest thing since X hooked up with 21 gf is his texting now consists of things like " kl" and " l8rs " ROFL.
Ml glad u had a good sleep ,keep looking after yourself like you are your new best friend x

memorylapse Fri 18-Mar-11 14:03:02

thumbwitch..yep Im a pregnant bump painter toogrin

going to see some friends for the weekend later today, taking my wee one but the other kids are going to my mums

memorylapse Fri 18-Mar-11 14:04:07

patience..thank you for the positive wordssmile

thumbwitch Fri 18-Mar-11 14:05:40

have you got a website that doesn't instantly give away who you are? I'd love to see some of your work but only in a way that is safe for you.

memorylapse Fri 18-Mar-11 16:09:40

ah dont worry thumbwitch, Im not a secret as Ive been posting for years on MNgrin

my website is

thumbwitch Sat 19-Mar-11 13:26:06

oh wow, memorylapse, those are fantastic! Absolutely wonderful work. No wonder you're an award winner - I should think the children never want to wash their faces again after having them painted like that!

expatinscotland Sat 19-Mar-11 13:29:04

Onwards and upwards, memory!

"I just think why would I want to be with someone that hurts me."

I know it seems like the bleeding obvious, but really, it's so easy to forget! Thanks Patience!

Patienceobtainsallthings Sat 19-Mar-11 17:54:53

Everydays a pep talk hissy,I'm my own new best friend .sometimes I have a wallow re his new gf or getting divorced but I always know THIS TOO SHALL PASS and this is the best thing to happen me and my kids .
Freedom from abuse,escaping from all the lies and improving my self esteem are 2 huge benefits for me.
It's unlikely I'll never have another relationship so I have faith something will turn up along the way .
Until then I will continue nourishing me ,doin nice things for myself ,enjoy having my kids and taking each day as it comes.
At the end of the day we were incompatible,I am f*****g amazing and he's NOT !
Ps if you are feeling down,just think of the bad bits and say out loud,
" and you want to be with this guy ,why ?"
It works for me x

Patienceobtainsallthings Sat 19-Mar-11 17:57:37

Everydays a pep talk hissy,I'm my own new best friend .sometimes I have a wallow re his new gf or getting divorced but I always know THIS TOO SHALL PASS and this is the best thing to happen me and my kids .
Freedom from abuse,escaping from all the lies and improving my self esteem are 3 huge benefits for me.
It's unlikely I'll never have another relationship so I have faith something will turn up along the way .
Until then I will continue nourishing me ,doin nice things for myself ,enjoy having my kids and taking each day as it comes.
At the end of the day we were incompatible,I am f*****g amazing and he's NOT !
Ps if you are feeling down,just think of the bad bits and say out loud,
" and you want to be with this guy ,why ?"
It works for me x

Patienceobtainsallthings Sat 19-Mar-11 18:02:59

Sorry about that ,sent it from my phone,didn't think it worked the first time .

You should do fridge magnets... seriously! grin

If I were in your RL presence I'd be left without words most of the time and just be nodding like the Churchill Dog!

I have to say that the thought of having someone new in my life is utterly repellent. Why would do that to myself.

I know I'm a month in, and tbh, the X is still floating about albeit thousands of miles away, but him thinking/telling me that he is on a break with me, doesn't help to move on.

I'll give it time and get used to the peace, the routine and NOT having some stroppy shite to come and ruin the energy/atmosphere in the room again.

Should I suddenly have the need to be in the company of someone rude, unpleasant and bigotted, I can always pop over and see my stepfather... grin

Patienceobtainsallthings Sun 20-Mar-11 17:45:24

Pmsl re fridge magnets ,hissy x

memorylapse Mon 21-Mar-11 12:22:38

Thank you thumbwith..I do love what I do for a livinggrin

Well Im back from a whirlwind weekend away, went to visit an aunt that I hadnt seen for 18 years and also met up with a friend..feel like I have come back down to earth with a bump at the moment.

emotions not helped by the fact that AF is on the doorstep..I always feel crap at this time of month.. beautiful little girl hit a new milestone this weekend, she said ta after I gave her a rice cake and started cruising round the furniture <<burts with pride>> pity her daddy has missed it

ChippingInMistressSteamMop Mon 21-Mar-11 13:09:37

ML your pimped room sounds fab

It wont be long before you can see how much better your life is than the one you had with him. When you think about wanting to be with him, focus on what it was actually like - not how you wanted it to be - you'll come to terms with it much quicker!!

Have you done anything re the rent today?

I bet your Aunt was thrilled to see you and little MissML Daddy will miss lots of 'firsts' - it's the price he has to pay.

Your face painting is brilliant and your Henna is amazing!! I couldn't access your gallery though? Could you Thumb?

Thumb - glad you finally got the sodding oven sorted out!! Your new tennants sound great - long may they last!!!

memorylapse Mon 21-Mar-11 13:49:49 sometimes have to refresh the gallery, then it will load

My aunt was chuffed to bits, I spent hours there showing her pics of all the DC'S, she couldnt stop photographing DDgrin

PeterAndreForPM Mon 21-Mar-11 16:30:25

I could access the gallery, even the rude bits wink

Glad you had a good weekend, ML

well done to MissyML !

memorylapse Mon 21-Mar-11 17:07:18

he! he! not for the easily offended PAgrin

I wish I looked like my body paint models envy

PeterAndreForPM Mon 21-Mar-11 17:25:57

I am not the easily-offended type

the models look it not sometmes a bit < ahem > ticklish though ? grin

PeterAndreForPM Mon 21-Mar-11 17:26:45

out of interest...why does someone get painted like that ?

what do you do wih it/yourself then ?

memorylapse Mon 21-Mar-11 18:37:04

weell..for many models its part of their portfolio and it means they can present their portfolio to clients looking for models fpor commercial body paints, such as advertising. For example..I painted some girls with a colleague to look as though they had brazillian football shirt on for a shoot for The Sun..

mostly its for competitions..I think its ticklish when I paint under their armsgrin..very busty ladies Ive had to actually lift their boobs up to paint underneathgrin but its all in a days work

PeterAndreForPM Mon 21-Mar-11 19:10:46


memorylapse Mon 21-Mar-11 19:20:55

Im off out now..*he* is baby sitting..wink

PeterAndreForPM Mon 21-Mar-11 19:24:03

have a nice time smile

hope the dc spew on him

memorylapse Tue 22-Mar-11 10:11:33

had a great time, no spewing but the DC's argued all evening so he looked like he was going to have a breakdown when I arrived back..

I sarcasticallypointed out that I couldnt wait for him to get a place of his own so that he could have the DC;s over so I could go out and enjoy myselfgrin

thumbwitch Tue 22-Mar-11 10:18:18

Chipping - thank you, yes the new tenants sound heaps better.
I had no problem accessing Memory's gallery, even the rude bits (which were rather fab - I didn't realise the bustier was painted on initially!blush)

Memory - glad you had a good time and ha! to H having a near-breakdown when having to look after his DC on his own. What fun he is going to have in future! grin

PeterAndreForPM Tue 22-Mar-11 10:27:58

oh great result, ML

glad you had a nice evening

ChippingInMistressSteamMop Tue 22-Mar-11 14:39:58

Yeah - great result ML grin

I could see your gallery today - fabulous!! I would love to be painted like that - I think it would be very relaxing. However, I'd love to have a body like that to have painted - with mine you'd be better of with a 2 litre dulux tin!

The thing that amazes me is that even when you can see the models 'bits' (male or female) they don't seem naked... it's odd.

I have seen (only on TV) some of the competitions/displays - they're incredible.

I think the model with the butterfly baby bump has the most incredible 'bump' I have ever seen. I love the way she is literally just her with a bump - you can see her non preganant shape all the way through her torso - it is like she's swallowed a ball - lovely... I'm envy

memorylapse Tue 22-Mar-11 20:19:24

Chipping..thats the thing about the body painting, once the paint is on, the models dont seem naked as such. Most of my body paints are PG 13 rated meaning they wear thongs and nipple covers.

All the ladies I have bump painted seem to have these amazing neat little bumps..mine looked like a slab of tripeshock

PeterAndreForPM Tue 22-Mar-11 20:47:55

I had a beautiful bump. I would have liked to have had it painted.

memorylapse Tue 22-Mar-11 21:08:55

Its a lovely experience..I had it done with DD last year, very relaxing..I felt as though I was being pampered

I feel a little stronger Ive had a light bulb moment..I guess it wont last but it meant I spring cleaned today and felt in good spirits..constantly going over all H's short comings in my head to remind myself why Im better off without him

PeterAndreForPM Tue 22-Mar-11 21:12:50

take care and keep putting yourself first

memorylapse Tue 22-Mar-11 21:18:59

I am doing..I think this is the thing to do..keep reminding myself that me and the kids are important and I am better off not having him in my life..

ChippingInMistressSteamMop Wed 23-Mar-11 11:53:25

ML - a little bit of sunshine helps!! (well, I hope it's as sunny where you are as it is here today!)... enjoy the good days

I went to sleep thinking about being body painted last night - it was very relaxing!

memorylapse Wed 23-Mar-11 19:45:42

Sunshine makes a big difference Chipping! I have felt much more positive today..Im still heartbroken but slowly coming to terms with the fact that I am better off without H

PeterAndreForPM Wed 23-Mar-11 20:22:49

ML, you are a lovely person x

memorylapse Fri 25-Mar-11 10:36:30

ahh thank you PA..hopefully one day when Im ready..somebody else will think Im lovely toosmile

PeterAndreForPM Fri 25-Mar-11 11:05:54

They will. I have seen you (on your site...don't worry smile )

memorylapse Fri 25-Mar-11 11:51:50

Photoshop is a great thinggrin

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