Does family mediation work?

[Dee34]

Sorry for brief post - looking for some views as to whether family mediation has worked for you or not (where you have pursued this). Am going through a split with a former partner (not married) who had an affair and is taking the mick a bit in terms of seeing his son and what he expects as and when the OW moves to the UK to live with him...

original thread here:
original thread here

Not expecting to go into a mediation session and come out with the mediator agreeing with all of my points and seeing ex for the twat that he is (if only! ), but interested to know if anyone has entered a session and come out totally not happy or really pleased with the experience.....

Many thanks in advance,
x

[Anniegetyourgun]

Looks like you're not getting much interest, so I'll throw my own experience in even though I fear it won't be very helpful.

Both solicitors urged me and XH to attempt mediation because the court likes to see we've at least tried, so we agreed to an introductory session. It was a very nice, very confidence-inspiring lady who took us aside for about a half-hour chat separately, to get a feel for how each of us saw things, and then brought us together for the last hour. She was an able referee and made sure both of us had a chance to be heard fairly. XH said afterwards that he'd never realised that was how I felt about things. (He bloody well ought to if he'd listened to me any time during the last 20 years, or during the couple counselling we'd had the previous year, but still.) He thought it would be very helpful to continue. Personally I didn't think it would, but was prepared to keep going if he would pay a share of the cost, which he wouldn't do. Perhaps it was unfair to suspect that his objective was to drain my already dire finances so I couldn't afford to keep the solicitor on... Anyway, I said I wouldn't go unless we split the costs, he went ahead and booked a session anyway, I explained to them that I wasn't going to be there and why, and they cancelled it. From this you can see that what we probably needed was not mediation but a nurserymaid.

I think it can be very good if both parties are willing to negotiate in good faith though.

[garlicbutter]

I have known couples who were very pleased with their outcome. Mine was a bad joke - he manipulated the mediator, making me look thick and over-emotional, then blew his top outside the offices saying he wouldn't provide the required documents at any price.

Haven't read your other thread, but my take is that it's only likely to work well if both parties are willing.

[Dee34]

Anniegetyourgun - thanks for sharing your experiences. Yes, I would definitely be looking to negotiate in good faith with ex and get some independent overview. At the moment, it does seem like ex and I are speaking completely different languages. Also, since revealing his affair back in late December, he has completely changed from the man I knew (and, yes, loved). He sometimes seems to speak to me as if he hates me, and I know that he really, really blames me for his having an affair, so just cant hack speaking to him one on one......

garlicbutter - thanks also, and sorry to gear that your experiences were not so great..that is shocking that the mediator was so incompetent for that to happen....tbh, this is my fear - how do you know you are getting a good one? Will do some homework.....

Thanks again.