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Do you ever think about the past?

6 replies

Foxy800 · 04/03/2011 18:02

I occasionally do but decided to post this after a text I got today? I am still good friends with my first true love and Dp knows him, he is our daughters godfather and we text and call occasionally. He is married with 3 kids and 4 step kids. He also has moved away. Anyway he texted today, asking how me and the family were and then he moved onto how he has been thinking about the past and how he wishes he could change things, meaning us back then!!!
I love dp and dd but it just set me thinking how many other people think about the past?

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biryani · 04/03/2011 19:11

Yes, all the time. In fact, sometimes I am so nostalgic that I can't seem to move forward! Would you ever have thought about this man in this way had he not texted you? It sounds to me as if he could be in the throes of a mid-life crisis or something which has made him think of you in a nostalgic way and perhaps as part of a "what might have been " fantasy. Are you intending to respond to him and if so, how?

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Foxy800 · 04/03/2011 19:15

I did answer him cause as I say we are friends anyway but I explained thta it was the past and we cant change the past. Also told him to think of me back then, how I am now and imagine I have changed so much that he cant stand me!!!lol

I too occasionally think what if but not to the point of texting or calling and saying it. At the end of the day it was 12 years ago so a long time ago and as I say I love my dp and dd.

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biryani · 04/03/2011 19:29

It sounds to me as if you have moved on and have had the sense to point out that you are perhaps no longer what he imagines. Perhaps he has problems in his own relationship and sees you as part of when his own life was happier?

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SmashingNarcissistsMirrors · 04/03/2011 19:39

12 years is a long time to wait to voice your wish that the relationship should have run longer. it's no doubt got more to do with the way things haven't panned out with the choices he's made rather than the relationship being right. it's easy to imagine something working out that never had a chance to do so and never actually had to stand the test of time. your feelings for each other may be very different now for example if you had actually stayed together (less amicable).

tbh i think it's bleeding cheeky him offloading onto you like this knowing full well you are married with a kid. i would actually seriously consider cutting off the friendship as it doesn't sound as if he respects the boundary of your relationship. a friend who was once a partner has no more right to send a leading text (as this blatantly is) than a friend who was never a partner.

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Foxy800 · 04/03/2011 19:42

That was what I was thinking and I am more than happy to be a part fo his life as friends and especially as he is dd's godfather. I too was wondering if he was having issues in his life.

Maybe if he had said all this 10 years ago things would be different but I think living in the past is a dangerous game to play.

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Foxy800 · 04/03/2011 19:47

Thanks for the reply Smashing. I am not condoning it but it was not that direct, we were talking about kids and then he went on to how if he could go back 12yrs he would change things and although he never used my name it was obvious what he was talking about.

I would like to stay in touch as he is dd's godfather but will have to see how it all works. have made it clear though it was all the past and everyone changes.