Would you tell a friend that they'd upset you?

[DayVLately]

Have had a friend for about the last 7 years - met through having children at the same time.

Over the last 18 months or so friend has kind of 'dropped' me for another friend - I'm not entirely sure that she's done it intentionally (she has MH problems and these make her quite self absorbed iyswim). She excludes me from meeting up - ie used to go take the dc's to after school activities etc and she'd go off with the other mum for a coffee and not think to ask me etc.

Recently she's cancelled a few meet ups and I thought I'd be able to just let the friendship go - she also forgot my birthday and has just sent me a text to says how sorry she is and can we go out for dinner.

I'm a terrible liar and incredibly hurt that she's dropped me as a friend and am not the person to just go out for dinner with someone without saying something - I feel that I need to say that I am upset with how she's treated me over the last 18 months(unintentionally or not)

WWYD? Would you say something or would it be a bit playground?

Situation is slightly difficult as our dc's are best friends so not easy to have a clean break iyswim.

[MogadoredMemoo]

Yabu she has not been well. And she's hardly dropped you if she is inviting you out for dinner. Give her a break.

[DayVLately]

I wasn't asking if IABU - I have posted asking for advice on trying to maintain a friendship.

It's hard trying to make excuses for actions and behaviour that stem from mental health which would, in a normal functioning person would be seen as rude and out of order.

[DayVLately]

I probably didn't make it clear in my op but she is a very dear friend and I would rather be friends with her than not - I'm just finding it hard to gloss over some of her recent behaviour.

[MogadoredMemoo]

Sorry, didn't mean to sound so harsh x I've just been through a period of bad depression and I think I probably put the people who are close to me through hell. The nature of the illness means it can really distort you thoughts and feelings. I would try and tell your friend how you feel but be gentle with her.

[DayVLately]

Oh this isn't coming across in the right way - I'm not trying to force anything. I just can't seem to find the right words. Don't worry about it.

[purplepidjin]

Good friends either don't behave like this, or are extremely apologetic when they realise they've hurt you. Tell her how her behaviour makes you feel. If she's as lovely as you think, or the MH probs are stopping her from seeing things from other points of view, then she'll apologise and the friendship will be stronger for the honesty.

If you're honest with her and she gets shitty with you, she obviously wasn't as good a friend to you as you thought

Hth

[DayVLately]

Thanks - yes that helps.
Yes - memoo - I know that MH really does distort your thoughts and feelings which is partly why I wanted to ask on here.

[amiheartless]

I hear that she has MH but I'm not sure of the severity,

erm if I was in your shoes, I Would say to her have I done something wrong? and when she say s like no, why. elaborate. but in a calm fashion. boiling up inside is helping no one

[cabbageroses]

Only you know ho w much her MH issues affect your friendship. She sounds like hard work - friends who blow hot and cold are. But if she is making the effort again, I' d be tempted to tell her that you were a bit hurt by the way she seemed to not want you as a friend for a while.