My DH has a serious gambling problem

[desperatelyinneedofadvice]

He's finally admitted it and asked for some help.

Ive namechanged for this, as I am so scared of anyone in RL finding out. I've know since I met him that he had previous issues and now he's started again. He's hidden it for months until finally blowing his salary to try and recover his losses and coming home and telling me whats being going on.

We are now massively in debt ( £30,000)as hes been borrowing and not being able to pay it back, using every excuse. In January we had a big discussion about finances and budgets and cut up the cards etc.

Hes now asked a friend to take control of his finances and deal with the mess as I told his best friend what was happening.

I dont know what to do?

I feel sick with worry and I'm scared that its much worse than hes letting on.

ive asked him to go back to his meetings which he stopped going to about 2 years ago, and also to see his gp.

We both earn a good wage, but at the moment, as Ive had to cover his debts/bills/direct debits etc we currently have £3.80 to last until pay day.

The car will need petrol to get us to work, we have bare food cupboards and no family to fall back on to ask for a handout (although I would NEVER do this normally).

He is supposed to be picking up his son tomorrow (who he sees every other weekend). He owes his exwife and she is constantly ringing asking for money back (which I totally understand).

How are we going to get through this? I love him so much, but hes like a shell of the man he was. What can I do?

[SmashingNarcissistsMirrors]

you might not like this advice but he needs to seek help (counselling / support groups) and i think you need to separate at least while he does this.

the gambling will need to come out in the open. getting a friend to help out with finances could well cause more problems. by 'fixing' the problem temporarily you just offer him carte blanche to continue in the way he is going - it just gives him a way to recover enough to feel that there ahve been no significant consequences.

by staying you are perpetuating the problem - by demonstrating that you are as unable to give up the addict as the addict is to give up his addiction.

leaving might just be the shock he needs to get him on the straight and narrow - and you can always get back together again if he does sort himself.

this man has left you worried about how to pay for basic day to day living. that is just not acceptable behaviour in a caring nurturing relationship.

have a look on the partners of addicts threads for more support and stories.

[deste]

Why cant or wont let you look after his finances.