I don't want to answer his calls

[sarjose]

My ex-partner,father of my 5 week old baby moved out when I was 8 months pregnant,I have posted on here before. He rings me every day sometimes several times to give me a run down of the latest thing on his mind,it's usually about one of his cars,how much they are costing to be fixed etc. He jabbers on for 5 minutes non stop I don't get a word in,then he promptly says 'anyway must go'and off he goes...I also get regular texts some relevant to our son but most not,I reply to the one's asking how our son is and usually ignore the others.I am sick of these phone calls and the constant contact so today I have not bothered answering the phone at all so now he's ringing and texting and the last text I had said 'stop taking the piss'. How am I taking the piss? He's the one who left I shouldn't have to listen to his crap anymore,all he ever talks about is himself and he makes no effort to have us in his life otherwise.I don't want to fall out with him but I don't want to be controlled by him anymore either,how do I deal with these small but consuming demands? He is a bossy,control freak and, I suspect, narcissist who has lied,cheated,been violent and then pleading in the past which stopped when I became pregnant then I must have no longer held any sort of appeal for him as like I said he walked away in late pregnancy. He has done so wrong yet still feels ok to come and go and expects me to be on the end of the flaming phone at any time! grrrr

[madonnawhore]

You're already doing the right thing: ignoring all the calls that aren't to do with your son.

Keep doing this. He'll get the message eventually.

You don't owe him anything now. Certainly not minutes of your time to listen to his blithering on about cars!!

[MigratingCoconuts]

How awful! can you change your number? I can see he will need contact beecause of your son but you should consider finding a way fro hime to do his without him having your main number.

Also, go and see a solicitor to formalise everything a bit more. When and how he contacts , what money he pays you and when he gets access.

He needs to understand the boundaries.

[sarjose]

boundaries lol, he has no understanding of any boundaries in any part of life,you should hear him go on about his employer/co-workers,they're all useless,he's punched 2 people at work since he started there fgs. just ranting now,he's peed me off

[youtalkingtome]

Absolutely don't answer, except texts regarding the DC.

Don't feel guilty.

Get a new sim card with a new number and give it to all your friends etc, but not him.

Only switch on the old phone/sim for a certain period each day or every few days. You can tell him you'll do this, or just not tell him if it's easier. He'll soon get the message.

If he has your landline number, you can screen calls and never pick up if it's him, or try to get a new number. Providers will often do this if there is a problem with nuisance calls.

You could set up an email address that you only use for him and check at certain times only (if he has a lot to say that you can ignore)

Go through a solicitor to formalise access, money etc in relation to DC.

DON'T FEEL GUILTY and DO NOT ENGAGE.

[MigratingCoconuts]

He sounds like a real charmer

[sarjose]

Ok,I will start with strictly not answering unless it's about baby and see how we go from there,think this is probably best dealt with bit by bit,I want to try and keep the peace I can't imagine having to go down the solicitor route god knows how he would react to that

[Mouseface]

If you are on O2, you can get free sims.

You have to top up £10 per month minimum.

Do you think that he believes that he is cintributing more, by calling and texting you?

Maybe he thinks that by keeping in touch with you (to the extreme) will make him appear to be the doting dad?

Not just a sperm donor?

You are far more patient than I am.

Well done but put an end to this, just tell him that you would rather he called to discuss your son at X time on X day(s).

[sarjose]

you may be right mouseface and that's a good idea about calling at x time x day, it's worth a try

[Changing2011]

Oh I feel your paid my toxic dad does this all the time, just rings me to "offload" - fuck off dickhead!

Dont answer, text him about your son and put it on silent, enjoy your baby without the car updates :)

[Mouseface]

Sarj Go for it. You need him to let you get on with your day!

Another thought, does he want you back?

Do you think that he's calling/texting all the time, to talk to YOU?

Hear your voice?

Sorry if that's made you puke. Just thinking out loud.

[MigratingCoconuts]

I was wondering that too mouseface.
Does he want it over but still want you around?

[sarjose]

mouseface in the past it was always me calling it a day (for good reason),and he made it very clear he wanted me back.This time it was him who left and I have had no sign that he wants to come back (apart from one text last week saying he never meant us to stay split up and he still loves me)I did not respond and we carried on as if he'd never sent it...very odd and confusing,however,he did me a big favour leaving as it's given me time to realise he's no good for me. I think he may just want to keep a foot in the door in case he wants to reel me back at a later date

[MigratingCoconuts]

oh, the old back up plan! Nice.

[sarjose]

oh and something about not wanting to give up where he's living now in case I kick him out again and he ends up homeless. He never stopped going on and on about how this house was mine and he had no say and had to leave at my say so blah blah

[sarjose]

Don't think he realises that coming back isn't even on the agenda even if he did want to

[MigratingCoconuts]

glad to hear it!

[sarjose]

[Mouseface]

Stick to your guns Sarj - I get the impression that there is an awful lot that you aren't saying.

Take care of yourself and your son xx

MC - great minds and all that

[sarjose]

It would take forever haha

[LittleMissHissyFit]

I just found the Abusive Ex thread, why not check in there?

You are doing the right thing.

[Mouseface]

Good call LittleMiss

I'm too scared too yet, but I will.

[NonnoMum]

You need to tell him you are exhausted from tending to the needs of a tiny new born baby (his), and are feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable, as is the case with all new mothers.

You need to tell him you are trying to look to the future raising a child who will only have a part time father at best.

You need to tell him that you are contemplating the best way to raise a beautiful new life and all that is beautiful and wondrous about the world, and how to explain what is scary and difficult too.

You need to tell him that your hormones are all over the place, and that your body is still recovering from the huge and massive job of giving birth. (easily equivalent to running a marathon)

THEN, when you pause for breath, tell him that all these incredible and enormous experiences are infinitely more important than his carburetor and from now on, all conversations must either be about your DC or nothing else.

And if he still doesn't listen, call the police.

[MigratingCoconuts]

at nonnomum...another fantastic post

[NonnoMum]

Why, thank you, Migrating. I do try, don't ya know.

[sarjose]

littlemiss i have been lurking on there just now,very interesting. Thank you all :)