Is there anything I can do to help?

[create]

I have a friend who is having a terrible time. I don't know her well, we job shared for a while years ago, so worked opposite hours, but met up at social events etc.

She took redundancy a few years ago, which appeared to come a just the right time, as she was unexpectedly pregnant with DC3 and a very attractive package enabled he to be SAHM, which is what she wanted.

She's kept in touch with a few people at work. Her self-employed Dh is terribly ill, down to 6 stone after a serious op and facing at least a further 6 months of treatment. Outlook is fairly bleak for him after that.

She's been in touch to ask if she might be able to work with us again, as her DH can't work and I've put her in touch with a few people who would jump at the chance to employ her (was very good at her job) However, I have no idea how she can cope with working full-time, 3 young children and a very poorly DH. She has very supportive family locally who help with the children thankfully, but I really don't know how it's possible. I'm really worried for her, even though we're not particularly close.

She's a very private person and not easy to talk to, but is there anything I an do?

[HecateQueenOfWitches]

Probably not. Not if she is not a good mate that you could pitch in with things like childcare or even running the hoover over the place etc.

Sounds like what she needs is exactly what she's asking for - work. Clearly their financial situation is dire.

[AnyFucker]

oh, how sad

I agree with hecate

give her what she asks for, then ask her if there is anything more you can do practically

shopping, housework (if you live close by), errands, cooking etc

[notaristotle]

I think you can do more. She will need all the help that she can get and might find it very difficult to ask. Don't say anything vague like "let me know if there is anything I can do". Do something practical like, I dunno, tell her that her DC can come over for the day when her DH has a hospital appointment. Or offer to pick up DS1 every day and drop him off at school if you are heading that way in the mornings. Or put £50 (or £500 or whatever you can afford) anonymously through her letterbox.

When my younger DD was very ill, I was failing to get DD1 to school even as I could not leave the house. A neighbour with a child at the same school, unasked, noticed and started dropping round and picking up DD1 and taking her in for me. I would never have had the cheek to ask when I couldn't return the favour. I was so grateful (and would do anything for this woman who is now a good friend). Another acquaintance started dropping by and offering to take my dog out when she was walking hers (another task I couldn't manage at all easily and was not in a good place to start organising).

Just do it. Those kindnesses really count and change people's lives.

One good act is worth a thousand good intentions.