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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Stay or go?

42 replies

fairycakesandsprinkles · 08/02/2011 22:43

I have a 3 month old DS and my DH has been emotionally abusive since I fell pregnant but now it is becoming physical too.
I love him so much but he is so different from the man that I married and I am worried what he is going to do next.
I don't want to break up our little family.
Have only been with DH 2 years and I feel like such a fool but when he punches me when I am holding our son surely things have to change?
I posted a thread on here about 10 days ago. Since then it was like he had flicked a switch and changed completely and I was so happy, I thought we could get through it together and it would be ok. We spent time together and went to his parents last weekend where we had a lovely time. He has also been very attentive and caring.
But today we had a row over what I had cooked and it was so silly but it escalated and got worse and worse and he ended up punching me in the face while I was holding DS in my arms.
I rang my friend in tears she has told me to leave but I just don't know where to go, what to do.
Part of me still hopes that when I tell him I am leaving he will wake up and realise he has to change and get help.
Do you think we can get through this if he admits what he is doing is wrong and goes to counselling or anger management?
Or do I get out now?

OP posts:

Report

pjmama · 08/02/2011 22:46

Get out and don't look back.

realrabbit · 08/02/2011 22:47

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Doha · 08/02/2011 22:47

Run run run.

JustForThisOne · 08/02/2011 22:48

I was thinking what happened to you, you disappeared
It is getting worse very very fast you know that you need to go and stay at your mother. You were advices to speak to her, did you manage to do that? Are you ok with going at your mother for a while?
Really you should have called the Police and your friend should have been at yours in a shot!
You poor thing a punch in your face, what if he hurt your baby?!?!
Can you call WA first thing as he leave to go to work tomorrow morning?

commeuneimage · 08/02/2011 22:49

I wouldn't consider staying for a second. No one should have to suffer violence. You are in danger and so is your baby.

bubblewrapped · 08/02/2011 22:50

darling, you dont have a little family :( you have a person living with you who is beating you, and who will most likely beat your child too. Is that how you want to raise him?

Get out now, he will not change, he will not wake up and admit what he is doing is wrong. Well yes, he will to get you to forgive him, but trust me on this, that is only till the next time, and then that cycle will carry on until you end up dead, or your natural life is over having spent it in fear.

Do NOT tell him you are leaving. Just leave. Please believe me on that one.

A one off punch out of the blue can be worked around, a sustained period of abusive behaviour is not excusable at all.

You deserve better, and so does your baby.

fairycakesandsprinkles · 08/02/2011 22:50

He stormed out about half an hour ago and I've got no idea where he's gone. I am still shaking and crying now

OP posts:

Spero · 08/02/2011 22:51

Go. While you are waiting to see if he realises how serious this is he could kill you.

You have a responsibility to your child. Keep yourselves safe.

He won't or can't change without massive help and intervention.

Bertina · 08/02/2011 22:51

Call the police.

The man assaulted you and endangered your child.

dadaz · 08/02/2011 22:53

If he's violent you don't really have a choice in my opinion.

You know what you have to do it's the ONLY thing you can do.

Get away from him or get him away from you...keep safe.

bubblewrapped · 08/02/2011 22:53

Call the police NOW. They can take you to somewhere safe. Or arrest him for the night while you get your stuff together and find somewhere.

Please, dont just wait for him to come back.

JustForThisOne · 08/02/2011 22:54

than go!!!
if he is not there just get a cab and leave
still, would be better if someone could help
have you got a neighbour who can stand by?

FetchezLaVache · 08/02/2011 22:55

Call the police while he's out, they may be able to advise you. Have you somewhere you can go in the short term? Is there a room in your house you can lock yourself and DS in?

The fact that he has "stormed out" doesn't suggest to me the level of contrition that you'd expect punching you in the face to have occasioned. Did he show any remorse at all?

JustForThisOne · 08/02/2011 22:55

yep Police would be better
please listen to everybody here
most poster (I fear) know what they are talking about

fairycakesandsprinkles · 08/02/2011 22:55

what will happen if I call the police?
Won't they just question him and then release him?
I don't even know where he has gone or when he'll be back
Oh god I need to pull myself together, I can't believe this is happening
Ive got no money and no access to any of his. I dont drive.

OP posts:

bubblewrapped · 08/02/2011 22:56

They will take him in overnight at the very least. DO IT NOW

sort the rest of it out after that

where are your family?

realrabbit · 08/02/2011 22:57

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dadaz · 08/02/2011 22:57

The Police should listen to you.

I'm sure they have directives covering this now and no longer treat instances such as these as "Domestics".

fairycakesandsprinkles · 08/02/2011 22:58

My friend said I can stay with her. I think Im going to call her back and see if she can come and get me.
Then I need to think about calling the police

OP posts:

bubblewrapped · 08/02/2011 22:59

Even 15 years ago, when I had to call the police on my then partner, the police arrested him and offered to help me get out of the house.

Back then you had to press charges or they would let them go, but now I believe that there is no need for the victim to press charges, and the police can go ahead without that.

Ring the police now. Please, for your own and your childs safety.

FetchezLaVache · 08/02/2011 23:00

Please do it, fairy cakes, and please come back and let us know how you get on. All the very best to you.

realrabbit · 08/02/2011 23:01

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realrabbit · 08/02/2011 23:02

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GloriaSmut · 08/02/2011 23:02

Who can get round to your house first?
Police or friend?
Because both need to be called.

TheWindyPopper · 08/02/2011 23:05

LEAVE - you and your DS deserve a better life. Life is for living not just surviving :( Take care of yourselves xxx

Flip

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