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Text sex suggestions to drive him wild...

(36 Posts)
textualhealing Sun 06-Feb-11 22:04:20

I've just started dating a guy and I want to remind him what he is missing when we are not together. We text in the evenings before bed as we don't want to start living together yet but we both agree that our texting is far more enjoyable than our goodnight chats. Because we are new, we can almost be more raunchy by text than we ever would do during our evening chats. (We're both middle aged and not used to dating so this is quite exciting to a couple of fuddy duddies!)
I'd like to turn up the volume of the textual side of our relationship. Any ideas folks??

AnyFucker Sun 06-Feb-11 22:11:55

"I fancy a sausage sandwich. Can you oblige ?"

that should do it wink

CockularDepravity Sun 06-Feb-11 22:19:34

"And you can put it anywhere ..."

Ragwort Sun 06-Feb-11 22:21:20

Do you remember the thread when a mumsnetter sent a raunchy text to her DF instead of her DH - just be careful grin.

textualhealing Sun 06-Feb-11 22:32:00

Oh Ragwort - how funny. I shall be very careful as I did do something similar although it involved sending a slighty bitchy text about one friend to another. Trouble was, the friend it was about was istting opposite me on the train at the time and it mentioned her by name!

crystalglasses Mon 07-Feb-11 12:33:22

'sausage sadnwich' - ugh. It would really turn me off to receive that text

AnyFucker Mon 07-Feb-11 13:03:22

I love a bit of pork, myself wink

Malificence Mon 07-Feb-11 13:14:08

I'm partial to some prime porky-worky too. grin

Anything has a double meaning in our house, after TG last night, peach and car have been added to the list. smile
We amuse ourselves no end by making the most innocuos phrases sound utterly filthy.

CheerfulV Mon 07-Feb-11 14:53:16

Your house sounds fun, Mal grin

Roisinniamh Mon 07-Feb-11 18:00:16

I sent texts like 'Sexycock','Largecock','Silkyc...',etc; he loves it,especislly if he reads it during a really seriuos meeting with straight laced colleagues!

voiceofnoreason Tue 08-Feb-11 09:22:57

Not for the faint hearted - but we often seek and find humorous alliterative amusement here Enough double and triple meanings to keep everyone happy. Not for the faint hearted, the easily offended, or lets face it thick skinned people who are very hard to offend.

In fact - don't go there, it makes my eyes bleed.

batman47555 Tue 08-Feb-11 09:49:03

my wife sends me texts at work too while i am in meetings
"what's for tea"

haha batman send back

Me baby! grin see what she sends back

maltesers Tue 08-Feb-11 17:15:45

He obviously likes suggestive comments.
Just say something naughty like, " I am wearing a tight little thong with stockings and my nipples are hard at the thought of you licking them. "
Or, " I am climbing into bed tonight naked as the heating has been up too high...."
Or, " I will have to go to work tomorrow with no bra on as the washing machine door has got stuck, and I have washed every single bra !"

Its hard to suggest stuff as we dont know how daring you already have been on text, nor how far sexually you have gone already with you new man .

findingthepath Tue 08-Feb-11 18:17:15

"I'm in bed naked. Do you want to come keep me warm?"

"I have just got some choclate spread any suggestions as to what i could put it on?"

"I'm just about to go in the shower and started thinking about you"

"I have just got a new swimming suit but i think its too reavling. Can i send you a picture to see what you think?"

Let me know if you need anymore - i'm here all week grin

textualhealing Tue 08-Feb-11 21:13:01

Update from OP! It works - he's ready to jump in his car and drive a very long way.....

Thanks for all your suggestions - keep em coming, as it were!

brimfull Tue 08-Feb-11 21:16:49

just text the word
MOIST

Undertone Tue 08-Feb-11 21:27:40

ggirl - BARF!

IHateLivingHere Wed 09-Feb-11 11:07:20

grin These are ace - am going to try them all, (at different times!).

Loving the 'moist' one, ggirl, and the one about washing all my bras! So funny.

What about "Oh, my knickers just fell off"? That usually works for my DH...... blush

NerdyFace Wed 09-Feb-11 11:14:15

Hahaha..These all work on me!..And I'm not even your DH!

One that worked for me with an Ex was when she'd be really blunt, literally "I want you to come home and fuck me so hard" etc. things like that, we men are simple creatures!

A message like that and a photo of cleavege and we'd cross the Alps for it!!

Rofl at these, when I was with ex, if i had text him the one about the bras in the washing machine I would have got 'don't touch the machine, I will fix it when I get back'... or 'what have you done to it now?'
He wouldn't have even cottoned on to the bra factor! grin

moomoo1967 Fri 11-Feb-11 15:49:15

tell him your fantasies or make some up, he will never know the difference and he may even want to act someout grin

Ormirian Fri 11-Feb-11 15:55:17

"I've just fucked your best mate"

That should drive him wild.

AlwaysbeOpralFruitstome Fri 11-Feb-11 16:05:29

You - "Are you cross with me?"
Him - "No. Why?"
You - "Because I was thinking of you and it made me do something so naughty"

and then run with it.

IWantWine Fri 11-Feb-11 18:42:34

' I want to wrap my legs around you! ' wink

RealityIsKnockedUp Fri 11-Feb-11 18:47:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wrinklyraisin Fri 11-Feb-11 18:53:13

Hahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha Reality that is BRILLIANT. I'm going to use that one on my fella [grin}

wrinklyraisin Fri 11-Feb-11 18:54:24

grin

Duh.

FluffyMummy123 Fri 11-Feb-11 18:54:45

oh this is making me feel slightly sick

IWantWine Fri 11-Feb-11 18:58:22

RIKU.. brilliant! rofl

I lost one of my gloves.

No seriously. I lost one of my gloves. Seriously.

I just threw my cockrell in the bath and now my cock is all wet confused

I just threw my umbrella in the bath..

I just threw your sausage in the bath. and now your sausage needs a bus home

SkipToTheEnd Fri 11-Feb-11 19:06:44

I'd simply text 'I want you inside me' and see what his reply was!

ovensex

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