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I am fed up with phone calls with my Mother and Mother-in-law -help !!

(11 Posts)
mrsbadger2 Mon 24-Jan-11 20:07:44

OK any advice welcome !! Firstly my Mother-in-law is driving me up the wall- she literally hounds me to phone her - then expects to chat for at least half an hour. She doesn' seem to realise that I am busy with the children during the week - any time when they are asleep I want to either get a rest myself - or do something for me (read a book, newspaper, watch TV, go on the computer) - i.e. not talk to her !! She does not have the same active life that we have during the week so relies on our chats for entertainment - but we are BUSY !!! Why can't she ring at the weekends - she might even get the chance to talk to her son then ?!! She wouldn't expect to have to talk to him during the week (he is working) but I am busy too - I consider being a full-time Mum work ! Am I being selfish ?

Secondly my own Mother- when I speak to her she just winds me up - just minor things really, things she says, nit-picking, I guess ....also it really annoyed me today when I ask her if she can help me as I need to go and see our son's teacher - and can she look after the children - and she's busy . Now I can't see the teacher unless I can book a babysitter (tricky at that time of day) and it is really important to me.

In short I wish these 2 women would stop banging on and actually come and give me some practical help. I am on my own during the week as my husband is away on business. What can I do ?? Maybe it is just me but I am just so fed up with them !!

Plumm Mon 24-Jan-11 20:10:29

Can you conference call thw two of them and let them get on with it?

LadyPumpington Mon 24-Jan-11 20:11:58

Disconnect phone line?

freshmint Mon 24-Jan-11 20:12:51

why do you think your mother should drop everything in her life to help you? that's pretty selfish. And it is lovely that your mil wants to chat to you. Make polite excuses and end the call after 10 mins if you must

you don't sound very kind to them

FortunateHamster Mon 24-Jan-11 20:17:11

How often is your MIL doing it Mrs Badger? I do understand how frustrating it can be to get phone calls when you are so busy.

My parents were calling me every single day at one point and as much as it is nice to hear from them I just found it too much for me (we had never been in that much contact before, it only started when I was pregnant). I ended up snapping after they kept ringing while we were getting the baby ready for bed and their call woke him once and since then it's been far more laid back like it used to be - a few times a week and me calling them as much as them calling me.

As for your mum, it sounds like a different situation. My own parents are so far away I could never just ring and assume they could look after my son for me.

mum295 Mon 24-Jan-11 20:35:43

MIL calls me quite a lot - usually at inconvenient times when at the checkout in a shop or trying to get a meal ready for DD. Then when I tell her I can't really talk, she ignores me and keeps talking...aargh!

I would just ignore MIL's calls but her number doesn't come up on my mobile, it shows as "Blocked" or "Private", the same as DH's work number, and DH usually only calls from work if it's something important, so I have to pick up, just in case.

DH is busy at work, so they never call him.

Can you use email and/or text to communicate with both/either of them? When I need to arrange something with my PILs I email them. My parents like to hear from me/us every day too, but my Dad is good with email and so we just use that, much easier. I can reply when convenient and type a quick message rather than all the niceties of a phone conversation. We then have a proper chat once a week. I also use Facebook and both PILs and parents can see my updates and any photos.

mrsbadger2 Mon 24-Jan-11 22:18:48

Thank you everyone, thank you Freshmint, you are right, maybe it is unreasonable to expect Mother to drop everything to help, especially when it means she would be letting people down (as is the case on this occasion).

Mum295 you have hit the nail on the head- texting/facebook/emailing is the answer. Fortunately my Mum is brilliant on email and text - so I should do this more and have a proper chat once a week.

However, last time I sent MIL a text (to say husband had arrived home from trip - during snow)she more or less had a go at me (she is a classic "glovepocket" mobile owner ! ), she insists in talking on the phone. She rarely checks her emails either. I think half an hour a week is enough on the phone though. In fact I set the kitchen timer last week, I think I am getting a bit neurotic about this.

The sad thing is I would probably really be sorry if they didn't phone me.......

Hassled Mon 24-Jan-11 22:24:18

"The sad thing is I would probably really be sorry if they didn't phone me......."

You've hit the nail on the head there. They're alive and well and interested in your life. Hold onto that.

mrsbadger2 Mon 24-Jan-11 22:36:04

I will try but I do find their calls hard/annoying sometimes. Fortunate Hamster said she feels they contacted more once she was pregnant - I think that's it, the grandparents want news on their grandchildren. Although MIL always asks how I am, to be fair. Not that I would tell her if I wasn't fine- I think that annoys her (I am off again, stop it).

mum295 Tue 25-Jan-11 11:20:36

Yes, it's all about the grandchildren! My relationship with both PILs and parents has definitely changed a lot since starting a one warns you about this!

I rarely get asked how I am these's always "how's my little girl" (meaning DD). Although am currently pregnant with DC2 and my Mum has at least been asking for updates.

One thing DH and I try to do as much as possible is take control of the communication/diary dates. I also try to send little 'thank you' notes and so on "from DD" (she is only 2.5) with her news as often as possible.

If we let it drift too long, we start getting demands for more frequent get-togethers than we'd like. My DH works long hours during the week and hardly sees DD during the week so, like your DH mrsbadger, he is a weekend dad and our weekends are extremely precious.

Of course, this depends how close you live to your Mum/MIL and how often you see them. Maybe if they know they will see you soon, they won't be so on top of you?

matthew2002smum Tue 25-Jan-11 21:44:29

Glad to see I am not the only one then! Mil is no bother but both my parents call especially my dad just to have a moan(they are married so cant they moan at each other). I asked them to stop calling me moaning and they took umbrage. Cant win!

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