Anyone been whisked off their feet...only to be disappointed years down the line?

[dontdillydally]

well that's me...10 years on and I look back and think how very, very rubbish! Apart from my gorgeous, beautiful ds

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Yep, me too. It took me 10years to work it out as well. And I have a beautiful DS!

OMG, Are you me?

[blackcoffee]

months after

[dontdillydally]

umm....was whisked literally off my feet, treated like a princess.

Or am I just going through a midlife OMG IVe hit 40 phase?

[bunsandroses]

Yes, that happened to me. It literally felt like a whirlwind and then after a year it felt like a whirlwind in a bad way and after 5 years I felt rather dizzy and quite sick and had to get off!

[lastresort]

yes, but let's not go there...too depressing.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Dontdillydally, what is going on? Are you still in your relationship? How old is your DS?

Relieved that I am me and you are not.[phew emoticon]

[StuffingGoldBrass]

I don't entirely understand: was the whole 10 years rubbish? If so, why didn't you leave sooner? If it was good at first/for a while, in what way did your partner disappoint you?
Given that you say you're not sure if the problem is that you are having a midlife crisis, try to think at what point things started to go wrong and whether they are salvageable.
For instance: if your partner is violent or an active addict, then plot your escape sooner rather than later. If you're bored, have a think about the good qualities your partner has and the sort of things you both enjoy doing and maybe plan together to put some fun back into life.

Or is it the case that you have young DC at present and are going through that often rather grinding stage of sleep deprivation and non-stop *wiping^ (of arses, noses and kitchen surfaces)?

[jonicomelately]

This happened to a friend of mine. It ended unimaginabely badly.

[StuffingGoldBrass]

Hmm, well, the 'whisking off the feet' thing is quite often a red flag for abusive, controlling men. The idea is that you are so overwhelmed with the romance of it all, the passionate declarations of love and grand gestures, that you forget to engage your brain, and when the controlling and abuse starts you think that it's your fault/a temporary blip/forgiveable because he's so wonderfully passionate.

[DioneTheDiabolist]

You forgot the great sex SGB. Definitely a factor in my disastrous relationship.

[dontdillydally]

just not turned out like the fairy tale I was sort of "promised" but I suppose real life isnt like that?

Noting bad...Just feel disappointed. More to do with money he is just so crap at it...so I handle all finances but still he goes over his OD and now secretaly taken out a loan (saw paperwork)for over 2 years - 2k total

Im always sorting out his crap and also he finds it very "easy" to lie to ME.

We have a gorgeous DS - Im from a broken home and I will not allow my DS to go through what I went through.

Like I said nothing bad/huge but just disappointed am always having to be the grown up/sort stuff out just feeling fed u

our anni next week and well I just dont want to do anything.

havent spoken to him just feel ... well deflated - 2 years of debt

[StuffingGoldBrass]

Oh dear, that is a bit grim. OK financial difficulties can happen to anyone (particularly these days) and someone who is either a high earner or expects to be, when you meet/marry them can find him/herself just as broke as a lot of other people at some point in the future. Does your H accept that he's bad with money? Is it a problem that's associated with something else like drink/drugs/gambling, that he might be persuaded to get help for?

[Trophywifenomore]

This is sounding a lot like my situation too. Are they all like that? (men, I mean). I had lots of romantic gestures and declarations of love lavished on me at the beginning and fell for it hook, line and sinker.

It is a big thud when you come down to earth some time later and realise that you're in a humdrum, laundry/cooking/babycare factory and the shine has been rubbed off the romance and thrill off the first months or year or so.

Yes, they do probably still love you, maybe even deeply but you're never going to hear about it again, you just have to guess, or assume it's true because they're still with you!!

[Trophywifenomore]

And re finances, ditto. I'm the responsible one, that's why I'm sitting up at this time of the morning unable to sleep!

Every relationship has its issues, most people keep quiet about them (think about all the people you know who split up and nobody saw it coming) but I think you need to accentuate the positive in order to eliminate the negative.

Try and find some romance in the little things. I snuggle up on the sofa rather than give him the cold shoulder, appreciate every bottom pinch as meaning he still fancies me even when he's too tired for anything else..

He is hopeless with money, I just deal with that side of things. And I just took out a loan to help ease things for us but it is a big headache. I usually have no credit card debt or anything but I think everyone is struggling right now.
And... does he maybe lie and do thinks secretly because you give him a hard time when things are bad, because that would put him off coming clean!?

[ILovedYou]

99% of men are selfish, spolit. big fat chaeters.
Any man that has tried to be romantiv with me wheni m not ready i know they are false.

Men like women to settle down with they can control and brainwash. FACT.

[AnyFucker]

FACT ?

Err, no, not really a fact.

However, some women will just not be told that the OTT promises, hurrying along a relationship too quickly, moving in together after just a few weeks etc etc is a RED FLAG

depending on just how shit the bloke is, you will realise this after some variable period of time

if they are just a litle bit shit, it may take you several years to twig as some of you ladies are now realising

did nobody try to warn you at the beginning of your relationships to slow down and not be swept off your feet by the bullshit ?

[MargaretGraceBondfield]

Well some of us get stupidly obsessed with someone's sheen, find their differences refreshing and feel utterly romanced by a man that's good in the sack.

12 years on, 4 children later:

We are just different, the differences are corrosive and endless, the sex is less frequent and the obsession is gone.

[ILovedYou]

LOl OK MOST

NOT ALL!!! - sorry forgot to write not 100% of men

[Jux]

Married 6 wks after we met 13 years ago. First two years almost great. Crap ever since.

[StuffingGoldBrass]

The real truth is that heteromonogamy and marriage are much more beneficial to men than to women. WHich is why women are so constantly, endlessly told that it's the other way round, that they are freaks or failures if they are not in a couple-relationship, and if they are single but dare to be happy about it and refuse to pursue 'Mr Right' then they are treated as not just wierd but wrong.

[Remotew]

Yes, me, showered with declaration of love, attention, going to lovely places, gifts etc. Then discover that the person is controlling, abusive and a complete waster where money is concerned.

Btw I didn't let him spend all his money on me and would insist on chipping in and paying my share, he just wasted it all on himself anyway. Lasted 2.5 yrs, put up with the controlling behaviour for a short time but once the abuse started, I got out straight away.

[Remotew]

Anyfucker, have a friend in this situation now. If you are the one to say slow down with this guy, it's all bullshit, you may risk upsetting people by bursting their bubble. You won't get thanked for it and who knows maybe it's all genuine.

[AnyFucker]

yes, eve, that is the problem

nobody likes to have cold water poured on their fantasy do they ?

in many cases though, it is precisely that...a fantasy