Etiquette of seeing an ex

[Berglund]

This is probably quite teenage, but I wondered if anyone had any thoughts on the etiquette about an ex.

I was with a chap for two months, great fun, nice bloke but our lives, but because I was going away, I ended it. I'm now back in town and it would be good to have him as a friend. He's told me he's seeing someone new, but thinks we can be friends.

What's the etiquette to this? Is it ok to be friends with an ex like this. I can see it has its pitfalls. How do we avoid them?

[BooBooGlass]

If there's any attraction still there on your part then just don't. It wouldn't be fair on anyone, least not his new girlfriend.

[kallima]

What exactly do you mean when you say 'friends'?

Do you mean, go for coffee/drinks together? Or just have a friendly chat if you happen to bump into each other?

[Berglund]

Well, by friends, I could mean what it says. Go for coffee/drinks, maybe a bike ride, etc.

Just being friendly if we bumped into each other would just be an acquaintance.

I'm mindful of the possible problems, but on one hand, we had a shortish (two months relationship), we certainly weren't the love of each others lives.

I am in two minds here.

[DevonCraig2010]

There's no harm in being friends with your ex partners unless you still have those feelings for them, and they don't. i mean i'm still close friends with the man i'm in love with, and sometimes its tough.

[OracleInaCoracle]

oh god, no problem at all, as others said, unless there is still something between you. I am friends with an ex and it works fine.

[SeoraeMaeul]

Of course it is fine to be friends.....but if those feelings start to change for god sake the pair of you (especially him) need to be honest with his new girlfriend before anything happens. These things can either work out fine, or be a recipe for total disaster :o

[Berglund]

I don't think there's anything between us. I'll ask him whether his new partner knows about me, and if she does, just go carefully. It'd be nice to keep a friend, and would be a shame to lose it just because of our short past and his gender.

Thanks

[DevonCraig2010]

it'll work out fine, its nice to be friends with ex partners.

[SeoraeMaeul]

Berglund - I was being a bit facetious - apologies. I am friends with almost all of my ex's (which sounds much worse when written down!) but did end up in one situation where I believed we were just friends but secretly he believed I would change my mind over time. Needless to say no one came out of that situation very well. I think its great to be friends with exs but just keep your eyes open. Have fun!

[Berglund]

Thanks for the advice.

[ILovedYou]

Forget it, move on. He is with somebody new and hankering after him will make you seem desparate. You want him back it is obvious.

[LadyFannyofBumStreet]

I am friends with the Ex's, but only as long as their parter is not threatened/uncomfortable/or feels disrespected by our interaction.

If the situation was reversed, how would you feel about an ex coming back into your new boyfriend's life (bearing in mind they only broke up because she left town). Suspicious? overjoyed?

[StuffingGoldBrass]

I am friends with lots of my exes. IN this case, what you should do is make it clear that you want to be friends with both him and his GF, and bear in mind that she may not approve of the friendship and may put a stop to it. Though this may be because she's an insecure silly cow, if anything like this starts, back right off and leave the pair of them to it; it's only worth fighting for a friendship against a bunnyboiling lamer of a new partner when the friendship is longstanding and valuable.

[OracleInaCoracle]

ILovedYou Wed 12-Jan-11 23:45:51
Forget it, move on. He is with somebody new and hankering after him will make you seem desparate. You want him back it is obvious.

where is it obvious that she wants him back? I dont understand why new partners are jealous about exes. i really dont!

[OracleInaCoracle]

agree with stuffing.

[ILovedYou]

Well it has pitfalls according to OP.

[mrsshapelybottom]

I am of the mindset that there's no point going backwards in life....he's an ex for a reason, leave it there and move on.

I am quite a grumpy cow though.

[StuffingGoldBrass]

Well, some people are pathetically insecure and jealous and don't like their partners having any friends at all, or at least they are fuckwitted monogamist Noah's Arkers who are suspicious and frightened of single people. However, some 'friends' do have designs on their XP and/or just get off on making a new partner feel uneasy or left out.It;s not clear, OP, if this man is generally part of your social circle, or not - or if it's a case of you not having many other friends in the area. By all means socialise with him, his GF and all your mutual friends, but be careful not to come across as pushy or desperate eg ringing him up three times a week for a 'chat' or regularly asking him to socialise with you, just the two of you. Even if your intentions are entirely honourable it will look like you are trying to win him back and that will lead to hassle you don't need.