How do you tell your child you and their daddy are splitting up?

[Cvbnm]

What can i do to make it as pain and confusion free as possible.

[Poogles]

Not had to do this myself, but as a child went through this many times (parents kept getting back together & breaking up!).

I remember one morning my Dad coming into my bedroom and telling me how much he loved me, I would always be his princess etc. I asked what was wrong. He said nothing, just wanted to tell you I loved you. I came home from school. He was gone. I was devestated. It's still there between us all these years later.

All I can say is be honest, keep it simple, answer any questions & reassure child they are still loved by both parents etc.

Hope someone with better advice will be along shortly. Keep strong.

[Cvbnm]

Thankyou, sorry you went through that.
Its not fair she has to deal with such matters at 7.
Before we/i tell her, how do i prepare her for it or can i?

[cestlavielife]

call relate for guidance - ideally book a sesison with relate with your H to discuss how you will do it together...

well hey in an ideal world...

www.insidedivorce.com/divorce-help/So-youre-separating---now-tell-the-kids/

and sign yourselves up for post sepration / parenting apart courses.

(again - in an ideal world...)

www.childrenanddivorce.com/handouts/id7.html

this book is good
www.amazon.co.uk/Putting-Children-First-Handbook-Separated/dp/0749928042?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21
Putting Children First: A Handbook for Separated Parents [Paperback]
Karen Woodall
Karen Woodall (Author)

but again - in an ideal world...

[cestlavielife]

ps it isnt fair but then life isnt fair. some kids have to learn that sooner than others...it is life.

you must have valid reasons for splitting...

give her the positives two homes, two sets of toys etc more quality time with each parent one on one...

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

I have had to tell my 6 and 4 year old this yeaterday.
I just simply said to them that shortly Daddy would be moving to a new house, I said sometimes Mummy and Daddy got cross with eachother and we didn't feel it was nice for them to be around. I made sure to repeat that BOTH of us still love and chersih them very much and they will be able to see and speak to Dad whenever they want to and that they could talk to both of us about anything if they are upset or confused.

They were fine.

[susiedaisy]

titsalina i have had to do this with my 2DC 3 weeks b4 xmas, i said very similar things to you and so far they are coping just fine, still ;lots of questions cropping up and i am careful to answer them in a non critical, reassuring way and to be honest at the mo, my DC are getting more quality time from both of us, independently than b4 when when there was tension in the house, TBH my ex didnt do sod all with his DC when he was here and so by havin them for a day a week he is spending more time with them now than he did when we were together,

[Cvbnm]

Cant chat for long but wamted so say thankyou for your lovely replies.
His father walked out when jim and his brother and sister where young, so i dont know if he wants to 'go' or live together but seperatly?.

So confused and upset at minute trying to play n hold it together for dd x

[scarlotti]

I've just done this last November to 5 year old DS1. I didn't say anything about why, just that we would have two houses and I would look after one and Daddy the other. We were initially on a trial, so it needed to be done in a way that kept things open for him to return. I then kept quiet and just answered questions from him.
Sometimes unwittingly, we can say too much and that can confuse them. Just give the bare facts, and then prepare to answer questions as they come over the next however long.
One of DS' first questions was whether he'd get two sets of toys!
We are now a few months in and he's adapted brilliantly - am not sure he's even contemplated what it actually means (i.e. in relationship terms) but maybe as your DD is a little older you may have more of those sorts of questions to answer.

[susiedaisy]

my prob has come when people forget the DC are close by or think it doesnt matter that they are and ask you stuff or blut out that they have seen EXh, and i have done the same accidentally, so i have to be so careful to make sure they are not lurking by when i thought they were in other room watchin tv etc

[Cvbnm]

How could you explain that were still going to live in same house but different bedrooms?

[scarlotti]

We were in separate bedrooms for a long time, intially as the baby was born and H wanted a full night's sleep.
Up to you how much you want to get into it but you could just move into separate bedrooms and then say some excuse about snoring etc. if asked.

Be aware that if you are separated but still living under the same roof, the tension between you will still grow and your DD will pick up on it regardless of how much you try to keep things amicable.