Friends Internet fiancee

[butternutsquashed]

If you had a long standing friend who had sold their home and taken voluntary redundancy to marry a man they had met on the Internet. Who lives in another country and who has now revealed they may have to declare themselves bankrupt, would you be concerned? A brilliant mnetter who has emmigrated to the same country gave me excellent advice regarding seeing immigration lawyers, she has not done this.

[Lulumaam]

I;d be exceptionally concerned yes,and be doing everything in my power to make some sort of safety net for her

how many times has she met this man? do eithe rof them have children?

[Curiousmama]

Yes concerned does she have dcs?

In the end though she won't listen she's been sucked in.

[Curiousmama]

But she's ignoring advice lulumaam. Women (and some men) wear blinkers when it comes to love. Sad but true.

[Lulumaam]

yes, well, there is not a lot you can do , except be there for her when it , and it will, go horribly wrong

[mugggletoeandwine]

Which country?

I recently had to tell a friend that her internet 'boyfriend', was a Nigerian scan artist.

[FellatioNelson]

I'm always amazed in these situations that otherwise perfectly rational/sane people can be so naive and blinkered. All you can do is tell her quietly and calmly that she needs to be very, very careful, and that you can't help being extremely cynical about this man's motives, but you wish her lots of luck (she'll need it) and hope that you are wrong, and that she'll be happy.

Then stand back from it. It's her mistake to make.

[atswimtwolengths]

So she's packed in her job, taken voluntary redundancy but hasn't yet gone over there? Is that right?

[butternutsquashed]

Canada, they both have dc, none will be living with them. I can express my concerns fully and lose her as a friend, I did say something and she kicked off so dropped it. my dh says he wants to say something but as expressed above she will not listen. She will be taking over 200k. Her entire lifes money from sale of house.

[mugggletoeandwine]

scam, not scan

Is he really from Canada, because my friend's BF was from Germany, but I knew enough about net scams to know what he was and where he was from.

[MistleToad]

How old are the DC? Will her DC be living in UK?

I would be hugely concerned and would defo have to say something to her even though I'm sure she will not listen.

[butternutsquashed]

She is not there yet,going in a few weeks. She was going to rent her house out at first now she has sold it , I felt as if it changed things for me as a friend. She has spent 5 weeks with him on 3 holidays over 5 months.

[Curiousmama]

Oh so they have met. It can change your friendship when you see your friend as so weak. I have a friend who is easily sucked in, dumps everyone, neglects her dd, but is always there for the man. Who messes her around and dumps her. She ends up depressed, woe is me etc... Suddenly gives her dd lots of attention Annoying but it's an ongoing pattern. I'm there for her, do voice my opinion but never get heard. I'm always there for her dd though.

Anyway if she's worth it then be there for her. She may need you?

[FellatioNelson]

OK, if he's not in it for a British passport, he's not much younger than her and a very poor Gambian waiter/Moroccan goatherd or whatever) and she has met him several times in his own environment, and they are both divorcees, it is quite possibly genuine. Bankrupcy can happen to anyone - there is a global recession after all. Perhaps his divorce ruined him, or his business went bust, and he just wanted to be straight with her before she arrived. (maybe he was to embarrassed/nervous to tell her earlier.)

All of those are possibles. It is also possible that he cynically targetted and groomed a financially solvent, lonely, naive woman and it will all end in tears. But as I said - it's her mistake to make.

[butternutsquashed]

I will always be there for her whatever happens. She does have a history of giving her all to men immediatly. Thanks for all your comments.

[emmyloulou]

You can't do a lot. I agree with FN, Two possibilites.

He is genuine, BR will happen to people for genuine reasons, they may not have been stupid either. I'd look at is as a positive he told her BEFORE she went over, because she could still back out atm. At least he didn't tell her when it's too late for her to totally back out ifyswim.

Anyway she knows and is going, tbh I can see why she sold her house, I expect prices will go down sooner rather than later after April.

But yes she could have also met a golddigger, but your only option is to be there for here and make that clear.

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

How do her kids feel about her taking the £200K to Canada to give to a virtual stranger?

You might be able make her think about the money as she would have to declare that amount on entry and may be liable to income tax etc.

On what basis is he sponsoring her if they are not even married as she wouldn't qualify for a family visa. I have a couple of friends who have married people from overseas that had to go to that partner's country get married then apply for a spouse's visa for their husband or wife to come to the UK. I assume Canada is similar.

Perhaps she could be pursuaded to wait to transfer the money until she has a permenant right of residence in Canada just in case the Canadian immigration rules mean she has to return to the UK to get married.

[HappyHECmanay]

she has the right to make her own choices, however poor they may appear. You've said how you feel, she doesn't care and is doing this.

There's really nothing more to be done.