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The kind of men that single mothers attract...

(92 Posts)
catinboots Wed 29-Dec-10 21:59:04

Before I start, I am in a great relationship with a fab man and am getting married in August!

However, I was a single mum for a long time and was chatting about this today with a friend (another single mum).

I had DS1 aged 19 and met my DP at 28. We now have DS2 (9mnths). In the nine years it was just me and DS1, I had a sucession of arsewipe boyfrienda. In hindsight I can see similarities between them. They all were in need of 'mothering'. Not in a good way either. In a lazy-fucker way.

I remember my best friend saying something to me once about a certain boyfriend - - - "it's a certain type of man who goes out with a single mum. They know that if you're already wipeing one arse, it makes no difference to wipe two!!" So very true about lots of men I think....

catinboots Wed 29-Dec-10 21:59:44

** I was 19 when I had DS1 - he is not 19!! Just 11!!

GypsyMoth Wed 29-Dec-10 23:41:16

could turn it around to the kind of men single mothers are attracted to?

WundaWumman Wed 29-Dec-10 23:50:21

Completely agree! I've been giving this quite a lot of thought recently as this seems to be the common theme running through ExP's previous girlfriends... it all makes sense now. Though I should say that I still love and adore him, the 'mothering' was the main thing that led to our demise - I could only be responsible for so much ("Perhaps it would be best if you book your own doctor's appointment as you know when you will be free" hmm)

StuffingGoldBrass Wed 29-Dec-10 23:50:26

Some undesirable men think that single mothers are more likely to be desperate for a man in their lives than childfree women, therefore single mothers are more likely to put up with selfishness, laziness or even abuse just so as not to be single.
Unfortunately, some single mothers are utterly desperate for a man and therefore will put up with a lot of crap.
ON the other hand, some men who date single mothers do so because they are attracted to a particular woman who happens to be a single mother. Or, occasionally, because they love DC but are firing blanks themselves.

BreakFree Thu 30-Dec-10 00:25:58

So I'm fucked then. Gone from a cheater and con artist to a domestic abuser. next man I'm with will be firing blanks? wink

BreakFree Thu 30-Dec-10 00:27:33

I'm doomed so. Cheater to domestic abuser to next bloke firing blanks? What an adventure my life is!

Snorbs Thu 30-Dec-10 00:32:18

Indeed. There are men who will target single mothers because they think they will make a lovely home for them to cock-lodge in. Just like some women will target wealthy men for much the same reasons.

Meh. There are going to be arseholes around no matter what your life looks like. But that doesn't mean that everyone you are going to meet will always be an arsehole.

CheerfulV Thu 30-Dec-10 00:49:38

Well put, Snorbs.

maypole1 Thu 30-Dec-10 00:51:05

It because they think your easy, I was a single mum but I have just. One child mu friend has four by four different men has no idea who number 1father is has no clue were number 2&3 father is and number 4 father is in jail she dosent work and hasn't done for years

Sorry ladies but even as a former single mum myself she is not exactly bringing a lot to the table expect children not sure what type of man she expects to attract

She is currently with a man. Who has 8 children by 5 diffrent mothers who he never sees .

Also I find that a lot of single mothers can be very desperate and I think a low life can smell it on you
When I ask my friend why she dates the loser she says because who's gonna want her with with 4 kids

I was single for six years because I was not willing to waist my time or my los time with loosers already made a mistake with my ex

Just my view on it and my experience with my sigle parent friends

earwicga Thu 30-Dec-10 00:52:54

Snorbs, that's because I've met your share as well as my own of arseholes.

Given up on the lot of them after the last relationship fizzled away. There's seriously no fucking point. Life is lovely and balanced when I am single.

Snorbs Thu 30-Dec-10 00:59:01

Tell me about it. I tried internet dating for a while but the only women I seemed to meet either spent all their time slagging off their exes, asking lots of probing questions about how much money I had and/or drinking themselves bandy. Life is a lot easier single grin

maypole1 Thu 30-Dec-10 01:02:06

Stuffinggoldbrass you put it much better than I could

You are not doomed if your a single mum but you have to follow some rules

No men around the kids unless you are sure it is ending in living together or marriage

Because their are only so many uncle johns a child will put up with

Do not be having or think about having anymore children, we know how un fun being a single mother is with 1 ex don't allow it to happen a second time babies should only be considered in a long term relationship

Any woman who will have a baby for any Tom dick or Harry is easy and will be treated as such

If they have a number of children of which they don't have any contact I would be very wary about their ability to parent any child if they don't have contact with their own

Never blow out your own child for a man if a man feels you don't put your child first he won't either and won't respect you as a mother

earwicga Thu 30-Dec-10 01:04:38

What you chatting about maypole1? 'don't allow it to happen a second time babies should only be considered in a long term relationship' - WTF is this shit? How can anybody possibly know if a relationship is going to last. Are you 15?

earwicga Thu 30-Dec-10 01:06:31

Snorbs - I never even got that far. Only so many messages that one can receive saying 'Hi' or the additional bonus of 'nice pic' before you turn the sodding profile off.

TwoIfBySea Thu 30-Dec-10 01:11:11

I became a single mum at 35 and am not attractive in any way so haven't been beating them off with a stick. In some way it is a relief as most who do seem to want to date single mums are looking for a mum not a relationship!

It would be nice but perhaps being alone is the safest option.

TwoIfBySea Thu 30-Dec-10 01:11:11

I became a single mum at 35 and am not attractive in any way so haven't been beating them off with a stick. In some way it is a relief as most who do seem to want to date single mums are looking for a mum not a relationship!

It would be nice but perhaps being alone is the safest option.

maypole1 Thu 30-Dec-10 01:12:58

Earwicga my friend who has for is currently seeing a man with 8 children he docent support any of them and docent have any contact.

They are currently planning to have a child now I am no mystic meg but I don't think he's going to stick around for number 9 he has no interest in her children and they have no plans to move in

Deep down most women know when their dating a looser you only need to read some threads woman who have a badden but stubble only any way then next think you know their pregnant

maypole1 Thu 30-Dec-10 01:14:54

Twoifbysea have you tried dating a single dad who is the main carer for his children.

That way their in the same boat as you

maypole1 Thu 30-Dec-10 01:16:04

Sorry ladies about the spelling using a I pad and not got the hang of the keyboard yet

tingletangle Thu 30-Dec-10 01:35:01

I think it is about the vibe you give. As a single mum I had fantastic boyfriends . When you meet me it is clear I will not put up with shit so I tend not to attract it.

FaffTastic Thu 30-Dec-10 03:34:33

Maypole - think you might only be casting your opinion about your friend as opposed to judging that all single mothers think/act like that?!?

tookoolforskool Thu 30-Dec-10 10:09:40

what a load of rubbish.

Sorry - but it is.

Of course, there will be men that are like that, and of course, there will be females that are like that.

Nothing to do with being a single parent, and everything to do with what kind of person you are.

Maypole, i agree with fafftastic.

StuffingGoldBrass Thu 30-Dec-10 10:32:13

Maypole, I don't think we agree at all. For one thing, there is nothing wrong with being 'easy' eg enjoying sex without insisting on commitment. TBH that's often a much better option for a single mum who has good babysitting arrangements: have a bit of fun now and again but don't move the bloke in. And while there are a few silly women who think that every new relationship should be celebrated by getting PG, there are a lot more who are too trusting for their own good, get PG because the bloke swears he'll stick around and are then left lumbered when he fucks off to impregnate someone else.

ANd while there is still such immense social pressure on women to be owned by a man 'form committed relationships' this crap is going to go on and on: single mothers are so stigmatized that it can make them desperate for a man, any man - and when you're desperate all you attract is abusers, parasites and predators.

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan Thu 30-Dec-10 10:36:03

think this is bollocks. if you're desperate for a man you will get arseholes and put up with them. if you felt the need to have a succession of shit boyfriends as a single mother that was your issue not theirs.

find this a bit offensive tbh. single mum's are a diverse group and not all of us are desperate for boyfriends - if you are of course there'll be consequences.

i haven't had much time or energy for boyfriends since becoming a mum and certainly not for a string of shit ones.

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