Odd Feeling of Pressure Over Xmas Pressie

[pommedeterre]

Disclaimer on this is that I am feeling very very sensitive about things at the moment. In fact I'm waivering over whether to book a docs appointment for myself to talk about how down I'm feeling.
We have 9 month dd.
DH bought me a beautiful chemise silky nightdress thing for Xmas. It is nice and I look okay in it (just okay as I have biggish boobs and don't sleep in a bra). He keeps asking when I'm going to wear it and we can get it on. He knows I got my period over xmas so is understanding the wait iyswim. Thing is I feel really odd about it. I feel like he got an xmas pressie for him and an xmas pressie that demands of me in some way and suddenly I don't want to do it.
Our sex life has been okay since dd. Was great before I got preggers, rubbish during my pregnancy and since birth has been okay. not as often as he'd like it (or we were used to having it before) but at least once a week and fulfilling for both of us.
Am I being oversensitive here? Am I letting other (past) issues enter in on this? SHould I say anything? The present would only have been bought with the right intentions I think and he would be hurt by the implication that getting it on is a 'demand' I know he would.

[deste]

He bought it because he loves you and wants you. Dont overthink things.

[Lydwatt]

you are being over sensitive.

It might be worth thinking over why you would be this sensitive to a lovely gift.

[traceybath]

I don't know actually.

Did he buy you anything else?

And if he'd bought it and not made the comments about when you were going to wear it - well it would have seemed like a present for him I suspect.

[emmyloulou]

Don't say anything to him yet. FI=irst book that gp's appt to discuss your feelings, down/sensitive.

PND can cloud everything. It can warp innocent things and make you overthink.

[emmyloulou]

*first sorry dropped my phone on lappy!

[Malificence]

It sounds like a wondeful and thoughtful gift - have you had confidence issues about your body since giving birth at all?
If he knows this then he probably thinks of the present of a little confidence booster, something that looks and feels lovely but not overtly slutty or revealing.

If he'd got you a crotchless fishnet body suit it would be quite different but I think he thought you would look and feel amazing in the chemise he got for you. Of course he wants to see you in it, he loves you.

[hairyfairylights]

I'd hate this and I don't think you are overthinking. I think he sees it as a sexual item bought for you so that you can turn him on by wearing it. Yuck.

My ex once bought me suspenders and a basque thing for Xmas (which I felt hideous in). He'd actually bought it for him to get kicks from rather as something he'd thought about ie rather than a gift
for me that I'd like.

[hairyfairylights]

I base my reply on this part of your op.

I feel like he got an xmas pressie for him and an xmas pressie that demands of me in some way and suddenly I don't want to do it.

[hairyfairylights]

I base my reply on this part of your op.

I feel like he got an xmas pressie for him and an xmas pressie that demands of me in some way and suddenly I don't want to do it.

[emmyloulou]

"beautiful chemise silky nightdress" and "suspenders and a basque".

Quite a big differnece IMHO.

A silky nightdress I'd have thought the same as mal, it was something to maybe boost your confidence in that dept.

[traceybath]

I don't think its that much difference really - both nice gifts if you like that type of thing.

But for me it would be the questioning of when are we going to get it on which would make it seem like a gift for him really.

But as I say - I think its a nice enough gift if he also bought you something that was just for you.

[hairyfairylights]

Yes there's a difference in the items but the op
s feelings about the item..and the pressure ... Are what concern me.

I think it's unfair to say she's over thinking or over sensitive. If he is adding sexual pressure to a gift given then it's nit a gift for her, it's for him.

[KarmaDevil]

I agree with everyone that's said you're over thinking it. I sympathise with you massively though. I felt exactly as you do after I had dd2, sensitive to the littlest thing. I was finally diagnosed with PND when dd2 was 10 months old.

Have sum very un-MNy ((((hugs))))).

[carrotcake29]

I don't think this is something to be upset about. Most husbands at some point have bought lingerie for their partners and asked them to wear it for them. Just tell him you will wear it when you feel ready so that it is fun for both of you and maybe he will get the hint!
I do understand why you would feel this way though. Men are sometimes a bit better at being forthright about what they want sexually.

[IAmReallyFabNow]

He could have bought you something more revealing and/or slutty. I think a night dress that covers you up a bit is actually thoughtful.

[tethersend]

If he'd got you this gift in addition to a gift which was wholly for you, then I don't think you would feel the way you do about it.

I do not think you are being over sensitive, I think the gift was indeed for him, even though he probably didn't buy it for you thinking that consciously. It is a gift which now requires you to perform a task- the fact that you view sex as a task is an issue (a common one), but it doesn't detract from the fact that this was a somewhat inappropriate gift, particularly when you feel that you have demands put on you all day long (hard not to with a small child IME).

It was supposed to be your gift, and at the moment you are desperate to relax and feel special/pampered. You're knackered and don't feel like performing. YANBU or over sensitive in the slightest. It was a thoughtless gift, although probably bought with the best intentions.

[carrotcake29]

But sex is relaxing and and an absolute treat gifted to us by our wonderful partners don't you know. They are giving us pleasure haha . Perhaps his idea of a gift is not what you had in mind....I often feel the same way!

[WimpleOfTheBallet]

I undrstand OP...the nightie has come to symbolize something else....it's no longer a "Lovely gift" but it's an elephant in the room...one which keeps trumpeting..."Have more sex! Have raunchier and more passionate sex!"

Tell the DH that you'll put it on when you feel ready...and if he keeps asking then it;s too much pressure.

[pommedeterre]

Tethersend - that is exactly what I feel. Thank you for putting that so logically for me. I don't need anyone to need anything else from me at the moment. Between dd's grandparents clambering to see her, all the housework to be done, bits and pieces from my one day a week at work and, of course, dd herself my giving to other people is all taken up. The problem is therefore that I am so desparate to feel pampered by him and it isn't forthcoming even in small, every day ways.
It is quite a short nightdress. It isn't slutty but it doesn't cover up!
I have weird body image issues that I've had since I was 5. He is aware of this.
I do feel down at the moment about some stuff which may be colouring this and I will go to GP but I really am not sure I have PND. My mum has depression and my late aunt had schizophrenia. My dad's mum had issues too - I'm generally fairly good at monitoring myself. I tend to come out normal on depressive 'tests' but very high on anxious ones.
Feel like I understand my feelings more now but unsure about how to broach them with him. I tried sort of a couple of days ago but I was so tired and he was so defensive that I ended up agreeing that it was all about my feelings about my career. I'm not sure it is.

[tethersend]

I don't think your reaction to him buying you this thoughtless gift is indicative of any mental issue with you, I really don't.

Tell him how tired you are. Show him your last post- it makes perfect sense. Good luck