I'm meeting my husbands mistress tonight. How do I play it?

[gettingout]

Hb had an affair with girl from work, I found out and kicked him out. We are in the divorce process. Tonight he is taking DS out and she is going along. I'm picking DS up from the winter wonderland they are visiting and so I''ll come face to face with her for the first time. How should i play it? Withering glares? A well chosen muttered insult? Or smile and be friendly?

[winnybella]

Smile and be polite-no need to be friendly.

[wrinklyraisin]

Be dignified and nice and kind outwardly. Inwardly imagine chucking a nicely packed snowball right in her face.

[jacquiel]

I would say make sure you look good - it will give you confidence.
Be upbeat and polite for your DS sake.

[funkydemon]

kill her with kindness

[SingingTunelessly]

Definitely a quick smile and "Goodbye" should do it. Would think you might find being friendly a bit too much too soon. Although if you want her to think you are so over that loser and she"s welcome to him.......

[merrycompo]

It's better if you can all be friendly for your ds' sake
but hopefully she'll hide in the loo when you turn up

[Butterbur]

Tell your ex to bring your DS to the entrance - alone. Then you don't have to meet her. Unless you want to, of course.

[RiojaLover75]

Yes definitely look as good as you can under the circumstances.

Bit insensitive of your ex though to put you in this situation, couldn't he insist she go and get a coffee somewhere so you don't have to see her??

[gettingout]

I have bought her an xmas present from DS. Some very cheap, in fact free (BOGOF and she's getting the GOF) soaps from Tesco. DS thinks they are lovely and she will be thrilled and I agreed .

I am so nervous. God knows why, she is truly welcome to him.

[mamas12]

Look fab, look her up and down, smile and turn away.
No need for anything else.

[Clippedwings]

Agreed. Dignity above all else. Not that you care what she thinks, but you don't want to give her ammunition to think, "I can see why he left her..."

Be graceful, elegant, dignified and look your best.

That'll take the smile off her face! Best of luck!

[blinks]

she's probably shitting herself more than you.

look fabulous, try to be super casual (with clenched teeth) as if en route to an important business meeting.

[ForFestiveSake]

your ex might have fed her the old 'she's so cold and nasty to me' lines so prove him wrong. Be nice and polite.


If she feels doubt about what he's said to her about you then maybe she'll start to see he is a lying cheat?

[gettingout]

I think I had better start getting ready now then! Should be ready for her by 7.30pm. I know what she looks like. She's 14 years younger than me and not all that. Without blowing my trumpet I looked better than she does at that age. Now however..... lol

[MitchyInge]

you might like one another, already have taste in men in common?

[pinksmarties]

I think you sound brill.

Good luck.

[jollyoldstnickschick]

My friend is divorced.
She makes the effort to smile and chat to the OW because the OW spends time with her dc,because the OW is undoubtedly expecting her to be 'bitchy' because the OW will probably end up being treated similarly.....also no-one can take away the years my friend and her husband spent together.

Friend is very canny she is quite attractive and always makes an effort to greet ex with a smile and a chat about the dc....she doesnt let the OW know it tears her up inside to see them all together.

Friend even took her dc to visit when the OW had the baby I was a bit .....its not the babies fault she said the baby will always know xxxx and xxxx (her dc) so really the baby should know im part of them too.

When the ow and friends ex split up - guess who told friend first .

Theres a saying keep your friends close but your enemies closer.

Hold your head high,put ya lippy on and smile .....it makes people wonder what youve been upto.

[JenaiMarrsTartanFoxCube]

Gosh you're being very civilised about all this. Well done!

I'd probably get drunk and make an utter tit of myself. I wouldn't recommend this, however

How long ago did you kick him out?

[Highlandgirl]

Dignity Darling Dignity....! Goes without saying look fabulous yet still relaxed and chic.

Smile say hello and leave it at that.

Good Luck, let us know how it goes...?

[jollyoldstnickschick]

I was the OW too.

Hs ex is 17 years older than me she pointedly ignored me the one chance I was in the same place as her.

Age makes no difference whatsoever - with maturity comes inner elegance.

[missmehalia]

Don't forget, she is probably wondering all the same things, and may be shitting herself. (Hope so.)

Looking at the circumstances of their involvement, the chances of her being on the scene for long are pretty minimal. It's not impossible, but not likely either.

Therefore it is unnecessary to make too much social investment here. Suggest dress/behave with confidence, even if you don't feel it. Pretend you are! Generally look round and make eye contact with all 3, breezy hello, (to DS) have you had a good time? etc.. and then go with the public offer to DS of something he'd love (e.g. his favourite meal/hot chocolate/DVD/somebody waiting at home to see him/Christmas tree decorating, etc). Then get out of there. (It's important for DS to feel OK with all this, and to see you looking fine - he doesn't want to feel responsible for any tension or misery!)

It'll be good for all to see it doesn't phase you, and for DH to watch after you both as you go, and wish he was coming too. Because I'd bet chocolate on it that that's exactly what he'll be thinking, especially at this time of year.

[purits]

When will DS give her the present? If you take it along to give to him to give to her at hand-back time, then that almost seems as if the present is from you.
If he takes the present with him, then she has to lug it around with her all night which will be a PITA.

[JenaiMarrsTartanFoxCube]

Don't were daft shoes if it's icy though. Falling on your arse would be deeply

[JenaiMarrsTartanFoxCube]

wear.

[gettingout]

I kicked him out last Feb. I'm completely over him, I knew he was carrying on but he just wouldn't admit it. Watching him doing all the classic having an affair stuff (sunbeds, Gym, new younger clothes) just killed any feelings I had for him. The worst bit is that they started their affair a month after my dad died - so I know she's a classy lady.