Does your DH seduce you?

[wonderthis]

Regular lurker and sometimes poster, have namechanged for this.

This is something I have been wondering for a while... DH and I are very happy, he is a wonderful husband and amazing father, we are best friends etc., etc. We have two young DCs and the usual stresses. He works long hours, often travels for work and is often distracted by work even when at home. Having said that, he definitely pulls his weight around the house wrt looking after the kids, housework, bills. He is extremely conscientious and does a lot, but sometimes he is slightly in his own world, for example he often doesn't hear me when I ask him a question and I have to repeat myself (I try to do this without going nuts and sounding like a harpy, but it drives me crazy).

In general he would probably like sex 3-4 times a week, whereas I would be happy with 1-2. But... I have noticed that on days/in weeks that he is particularly attentive towards me - i.e. having long chats about things, hugs, kisses, making me laugh, etc., I am much more likely to want to be intimate with him. On those days when he is distracted, stressed out, etc., I find that I am not interested when it comes to bedtime. His idea of foreplay is usually some clumsy question or a grope at bedtime, which I don't mind if he has been affectionate all day, but which really grates when he has been in his own world all day. It makes me feel almost like any warm body, even though I know that is unfair to him.

I have mentioned this to him before and he says he understands and will try to be better, but it doesn't really change. It's not a big problem, but it would make me happier. However, now I am wondering - am I being overly demanding to expect so much attention? Is it just totally unrealistic in a marriage with 2 DCs and a house, jobs and everything else? Given that he is actually a wonderful husband and we have a great life, should I be happy with a grope at bedtime??? If it's enough for him, shouldn't it be enough for me?

So - are you all seduced by your DH/DP, or do you just get on with it?

[ItalianLady]

Sometimes, yes .

Not as often as I would like though.

Maybe after he has been affectionate towards you and you have sex that night make a comment about it. Positive reinforcement.

[Anniegetyourgun]

XH was of the "brace yerself, Sheila" school of seduction. His idea of asking the question would be to say with a sneer, "I suppose you wouldn't be interested".

How I ever had 4 children with that man is a mystery in hindsight.

[Anabellesmumanddad]

My dp doesn't seduce me. In other words, he puts very little effort into the lead up. but he does, usually, put a lot of effort into my physical pleasure before the actual deed

I also believe that intimacy begins outside the bedroom. I would love the small thoughtful touches during the day, but sometimes, I'm happy with a quick root as well..