mother in law conflict

[thomasinaticklemouse]

I am interested to hear other people's views. MIL is in her late 70's (my partner and I late 30's with a one year old baby) and she seems to be competing with everyone about everything! Eg, when she knew my parents, who are quite a bit younger than her, have looked after our daughter for an hour or two while OH and I went Christmas shopping, she starts to say that she will also look after our daughter when she is a bit older and knows her better! (I just smiled and said that was very kind of her to offer, and we both make all sorts of excuses- I think she may have signs elderly forgetfulness, and also is not to be trusted to look after our daughter as I ask. I am saying this due to much previuous conflict when we first had our daughter, as to her role as grandmother. I dont have this problem with my parents, by the way.) MIL also started to justify what she was saying by saying there are two of my parents so that they find it easier (she is in denial!)absolute nonsense. It all really annoys me, and to make it more interesting, my mother in law went back to work after having her children (OH was looked after by his grandmother when he was little). It also makes me stresse out when MIL keeps chanting "you'll be walking soon" to my baby daughter, who is only just managng to stand up! This has been the case for nearly two months and I told her that she is not ready to walk, but MIL keeps trying to make her by holding her arms up and almost kicking her ankles! I have lots of experience taking care of young children in my career, and now that I have my own bonnie baby, I would like to do it my way! Anyone else having a similar problem? And, yes, MIl has also gone through the phase of chanting "my baby, my baby"- i was interested to read that other parents have also had this, and I think that it is not thier place to say that and I think it is extremely selfish and incosiderate, especially the baby's mother. I snapped at my MIL a year ago when she sat there and said that about our beautiful daughter, who was three days old. She didnt seem to see what the problem was, but it felt to me as though she had been sitting at home waiting for "her prize" (she lives in the same town as us)Just what you need when you have had quite a gruelling labour and are absolutely bushwhacked!
I feel better now I have vented off!
what do you think, if you have had any similar thoughts?

[MummieHunnie]

I don't like the idea of her almost kicking the back of the babies heels, you will have to think of a way to stop that bit!

I would say regarding the "you will be walking soon" comments, you will be telling baby they will be able to run soon! Maybe we can book babies GCSE's as well.

Sometimes people like to talk a lot and hate silences and maybe she is just saying what popps into her head to fill the gap in the silence, I know I have done this in the past, and it has now become her paniced pattern of space filling!

Maybe she feels guilty not babysitting, as her mother did and your parents are doing!

[RudeEnglishLady]

Tell her "don't kick the baby's ankles please"

Everything else is just stuff people say to babies - "you'll be walking soon" is quite encouraging I would have thought. Better than "you'll never do it".

My Mum calls DS "our baby" and "my little (NAME)" hmmmm... don't recall her being present during during conception or birth... Its a bit irritating but its because she loves him. Look, MIL herself says she won't take her till your DD is older so what's the harm in smiling and saying "yes, when she's older..."

Sounds like you just don't like her tbh, you don't have to - but it'll be easier if you can chill out about it though. Your DH will love you to bits for indulging his mother also.

[clam]

Sorry, but none of that strikes me as being anything other than her trying to be involved. You need to chill out a bit and give her a bit of rope. Sounds fairly harmless to me, not "extremely selfish and inconsiderate."

[SantasENormaSnob]

You are being ridiculous IMO

You mention she thinks it's easier for your parents to baby sit as there are 2 of them and they are younger? How is this wrong?

Sounds to me like like she is concious of her age and us trying her best.

I think you are looking for any excuse to have a go at the poor woman tbh.

[mumoffourkids]

You don't like you MIL much do you. Everything you've said (bar the comment about kicking you dds ankles - and I suspect that there may have been a bit of artistic license there)suggests this. Her comments sound like she adores her dgd. It also sounds like she would love to look after her for a couple of hours too but is worried that it might be too much for her on her own.

I think you should cut her some slack tbh.

[pollyblue]

TBH , going on what you say, it sounds like you have very strong opinions as to what "her role as a grandmother" should be.

None of the examples you give suggest - to me anyway - that she is not to be trusted to care for your daughter, or is really saying or doing anything wrong. Calling your dd 'her' baby, well yes, bit irritating maybe, but not a hanging offence. You know whose daughter she is!

Regards her returning to work after your DH was born, maybe she had to? And regrets that she missed out on enjoying his baby stage?

You might have plenty of professional experience caring for children, but caring for your own is a different kettle of fish and still a steep learning curve - all babies are individuals after all. My cousin was a nanny before her own children came along but she still found it hard, and relied - still relies - on help from her mum and in-laws. You can't always do things 'by the book'.

Try not to make an enemy of your MIL at this early stage, you just might be grateful for her interest and offers of support in the future.