Hi
I dont post often on here at all but I've gotten to a point now were my friends have run out of things to say and now my head is mashed.
me and my husband have been together 8 years and married for 2 of them. We have 2 sons 3 and 6. He works full time and i'm enjoyin my last year as a stay at home mum.
Ever since we got together I have been paranoid that he was cheating on me or planning to and he always led me to believe that i was just paranoid and my confidence took a huge hit.
Last year I finally found out that he had set up various profiles on singles sites and had been flirting with anything in a skirt online.. i also found out that he had slept with at least 3 ppl since we had gotten together... I only found this out as one night after work i was feeling down and a work friend was showing me attention.. we ended up kissing.. i felt really guilty as that was the first time in our relationship i had even looked at another man.
Anyway i suppose i started becoming detective because if i could find out for sure my husband had done the dirty i wouldnt feel so guilty.. found more than i wanted and i admitted what i had done.
We went on holiday to try and patch things up and everything was hunky dory for about a month...
he decided our sex life was boring and wanted us to become swingers... something i was never interested and quite disgusted in to be honest as i viewed sex as something intimate two people in love did.. not a hobby as he seemed to see it.
He started on at me to get a job because he is a bit of a control freak and he came up with the idea of me being a cam model.. which i was not into as i didnt have the confidence.. I gave it a go and that was when my feelings towards my husband started to change..
I went back on the swingers website when i was bored one day and me and another man hit it off straight away...
I left my husband and went back to my family home with my children but he continued to beg and plead with me that things would be different..
I came home as the children were due to start a new school term.. but i was coming home as their mother not his wife..
He wouldnt let up and i said i'd give things a try..
its been 4 months now and i have met the other man a handful of times and talk to him almost every day. He makes me feel so happy and relaxed and i love spending time with him.
my husband got hold of my phone the other week and saw a text off someone i used to work with which he viewed as flirty and he grabbed me by the neck and tried to get me out of the house..
I dont want to be with my husband but if i tell him there is someone else he will 1 stop me from taking the kids and 2 i dont know how he would react physically... he has never been violent towards me before then.
Head mashed!!
Anyone anything to say? other than i deserve whatever i get.. i know im in the wrong but unfortunately i cant switch my feelings off or click my fingers and go back to not having spoken to him.
Thanks for reading
Jen
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advice anyone? warning - long story!
12 replies
jenny85uk · 02/12/2010 08:14
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