pushing him away

[bitshy]

hi
i've namechanged for this even thou i have only posted a few times as oh knows my name on here and has often read throu some of the posts too.
i do feel a bit silly for writing this but cant really turn to my friends or family as they look at me strangly and can't see what the problem is.
my oh is a great partner and dad to our dc's he works hard and long and unsocialble hours to provide for us all and tries to spend time with us and help out when he can he knows i have had a troubled past with bad and abusive relationships and has stood by me through all the problems they have left me with ie insecurity and paranoia (sp).
the problem is with me no matter how hard he tries simple things like him him forgetting to do something can end up me getting mad and we sometimes have horrible arguments i will admit to starting most of them :(
my problem is i'm on medication for depression and they do help loads but i'm so scared that the way i act at times is going to push him away i have tried to explain this to him but he just says that wont happen he has taken alot from me and i did explain to him before we started a relationship about the problems i do have with paranoia and trusting people but i'm not sure how much more he'll be able to take from me and i'm scared i'm going to lose the relationship i've always wanted
i have tried counsilling for my past numerous times but it never works and leaves me feeling hurt as if it all has happened again if that makes sence
i was hoping someone could please just advise me on what i could do so i dont push him away completely

[livinginazoo]

Show him this post as it is so heartfelt, and perhaps try a different sort of therapy for your depression? There are several different types of psychotherapies (CBT, different types of talking therapies - individual and group) available. I realise that you feel that counselling hasn't worked in the past and that is was difficult for you, but if you want to do something proactive to show him that you are trying, maybe you should consider trying that again from a different psychologist/psychiatrist and/or relate counselling? Good luck!

[bitshy]

hi livinginazoo

thank you for yor reply i will definately look into the other theropies and as for showing him this post i'll show him just worried what he'll say which i know is stupid