My husband is like a brother.

[rufusdufus]

Have been married for 2 years, but with dp for 15 years. We have a child aged 12. For the past few months I have been unable to ignore a nagging voice in my head that I love my husband like a close friend or brother. He is a good man and father and I cannot criticise him for anything.

We met when I was 20, I grew to love him but he fell in love with me very quickly and has always been quite 'devoted' to me.

We have had ups and downs, and I have always pushed any doubts about us to the back of my mind. After all, how many women are lucky enough to have such a 'good' man?

However, the voice is getting bigger and at first, I realised I was picking fault in dh almost as if I wanted to justify my feelings. I realised this was so unfair and dh sensed something was wrong. So, we have discussed it a length. He is obviously sad and hurt but has given me some space. This has helped us to get on much better day to day, as its almost taken the pressure off (albeit temporarily). Its like because I know that he knows things are not at all right, I can actually relax more because it feels like I am living less of a lie??

I sometimes think I need a good kick up the backside - ok, things aren't perfect but I have a good, steady, reliable man who adores me. But, I also know that if this isn't sorted, it will rear its head at another point, I have to deal with these feelings somehow, either by fully accepting that this is how my marriage is or splitting.
Has anyone else felt like this?

[vixen1]

Hi Rufusdufus,

Have you always felt this way about your DH or did you ever feel differently?
Do you still find him attractive and fancy him?

It's a tricky one and I'm sure there are ladies on here who might say that life is too short and you shouldn't settle for a marriage where there is something not right.

However, I've often thought that it's lovely to be married to your best friend (not sure if this also equates to "brother" though). I think there'll almost always come a time when you don't necessarily fancy your partner in the same way you did when you first got together... you know, the knee trembling butterflies etc... and if you're really good friends you'll always have that...

TBH I'm not really sure what my opinion is, sorry, that's not very helpful is it! I guess everyone's different and it depends how you feel deep down.

What advice would you give yourslef?