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Just had the date from hell. Come and add your own!

(145 Posts)
poshsinglemum Wed 20-Oct-10 18:05:12

Mine wasn't bad looking and seemed really nice.

Untill he asked me if I drove. I know it's a bit lame that I'm still learning and I'm desperate to pass. But I didn't start till I was 25 as was environmentalist, had bf who could drive and lived in cities etc, etc.

He looked horrified and told me ''well I passed after 6 lessons for the first time when I was 17.'' he made me feel awful for not driving.

5 minutes later he said '' I'm going now. Nice to meet you'' and left me sitting in the pub.

I guess we all have our deal breakers.His was me not driving.

He also spent the whole date talking about himself and didn't ask me anything aprt from did I drive.

He just didn't fancy me but no need to be rude.

poshsinglemum Wed 20-Oct-10 18:06:20

Also me not driving is a big issue for mE atm and he just made me feel worse.

ScaryFucker Wed 20-Oct-10 18:07:17

he is a twat

next !!

JaquiChan Wed 20-Oct-10 18:08:27

what a complete tossor. Better luck next time Posh.

BalloonSlayer Wed 20-Oct-10 18:09:07

He's probably a real boozer and wants someone to drive him home.

(My ex was a car nut, and passed after a ridiculously low number of lessons. He was an utter boring twat.)

blackwidowspider Wed 20-Oct-10 18:09:38

I once went on a date with a bloke who started asking me what I thought of our future together within the first two hours. I went to the loo and rang my mate, who then called me up 5 mins later to let me know there was an 'emergency' back home... which of course I had to attend to immediately.

I suppose it can cut both ways

BertieBasset Wed 20-Oct-10 18:12:19

I had a brilliant blind date.

First of all he was clearly disappointed when he saw me. Now I ain't Claudia Schiffer but trust me I was the looker out of the pair of us grin

We went out for something to eat. All he did was talk about himself and moan. And moan, and moan.

He kept telling me these dreadful things that had happened, like his sister and mother getting cancer. Obviously this is terrible, but I'd known him 10 mins so was kind of at a loss what to say. But tried to be sympathetic, for him to tell me they were a pair of cows anyway.

Then he told me he lost his business when he had a break down and was in hospital for 6 months. Again, terrible but not really first date material.

And so it carried on. Everytime I tried to lighten the conversation he found something to bring it back down. It was the longest 2 hours of my life.

Truly dreadful.

Don't you worry about the driving thing though, he's clearly a knobber and at least he showed that early on. You may have wasted more time on this loser otherwise!

blackwidowspider Wed 20-Oct-10 18:12:32

Don't feel bad, you got lucky and didn't have to leave him in the pub later down the line

ChileanMinerWife Wed 20-Oct-10 18:14:10

im with him on the not driving

I'm only starting to learn again now at 31 poshsingle. Have no idea why that would be an issue, unless perhaps he is a keen dogger and wanted a two-car relationship? Nobber either way.

poshsinglemum Wed 20-Oct-10 18:25:28

I do feel bad for not driving miner but care to pay for my test. He didn't have a degree whereas I do so ner.

ChileanMinerWife Wed 20-Oct-10 18:25:43

ah but he has the smarts

CheerfulV Wed 20-Oct-10 18:28:51

grin at SuePurbly and the dogging... hahaha.

blackwidowspider Wed 20-Oct-10 18:29:32

miner will get bored soon

poshsinglemum Wed 20-Oct-10 18:31:13

pends what you call smarts. Another reason why I hate petrolheads.

poshsinglemum Wed 20-Oct-10 18:32:10

Lets face it; we wouldn't have been a match made in heaven. So what about your bad dates people?

peeweewee Wed 20-Oct-10 18:33:24

hahahaha love it!! grin

throckenholt Wed 20-Oct-10 18:35:13

doesn't sound like you fancied him much either - so no great loss.

Chalk it up to experience (sounds like you had a lucky escape )

perfumedlife Wed 20-Oct-10 18:36:40

Posh don't feel bad about the driving. I took 300, yes 300, driving lessons, eight instructors and seven driving tests. On one of them the examiner stopped the test in the interest of public safely becuase I couldn't locate the handbrake on a hill start. We were careering downhill at quite a rate, thank feck for dual control is all i can say shock

Finally got there, have a degree and no common sense.

As for bad dates, too many to mention. Although the weekend in Paris that strangely turned into an afternoon at the movies, with no mention of why no airport, that was a stinker.grin

Ya gotta kiss a lotta frogs luvvie.

sungirltan Wed 20-Oct-10 18:36:41

posh - i'm taking my test for the 1st time tomorrow and i'm 31! and its taken about 60 hours of lessons to get this far. your date can go jump!

mumbybumby Wed 20-Oct-10 18:37:13

What a twat!
One of the worst dates I had (there have been many!) was with a guy off the Internet.
He turned up in some souped up chav car, was rude to the waitress, talked incessantly about immigrants and other Daily Mail type views and to top it all kept rabbiting on about how both his parents had terminal illnesses and when they carked it (soon, he kept saying) he was going to come into loads of cash and was going to buy a Bentley. shock hmm.
Even asked if I fancied joining him for the ride.
I left shortly afterwards.
None of this had come up in the vetting process, scarily!

poshsinglemum Wed 20-Oct-10 18:39:29

If I wasn't bothering to learn to drive then I could understand but to judge someone who was having difficulty passing; that's a bit much imo. Each to their own. I don't really hate petrolheads btw-just the kind who hate pedestrians!

poshsinglemum Wed 20-Oct-10 18:40:59

It's all abit oif a laugh really. Steely armour needed for dating! i'm just as fussy.

ohforfoxsake Wed 20-Oct-10 18:42:51

Is it knobber or nobber? I always thought it was the former.

Either way, he is one.

ivykaty44 Wed 20-Oct-10 18:44:01

gosh what a lucky escape you had.

my worse date was the 2nd with a man who I had been matched with by a mutal friend. He sat and told me all about his marriage and the affairs he had during the marriage and the escapades he got up to - he thought it was really funny and I didn't hmm he also told me how intueative he was. two weeks he kept calling and texting even though I ignored his calls and texts until he got the message...

Hermya321 Wed 20-Oct-10 18:44:52

What a prize winning idiot!!

Seriously don't beat yourself up about being a late starter to driving, I didn't start until mid twenties and it took me over a year and a half and only passed on my fifth go at the driving test.

What a twat he was posh!

I once scalded my mouth in my haste to finish my coffee and get away from a gastly date. His online profile picture was a lie and he was fat and old and hideous.

I once also ended up on a date with a little American geek, a bit rotunt, wearing shorts (of the polyester variety) and plastic flip flops. I shudder to think of it. I ate my meal, excused myself to the ladies and hotfooted it out of there. He was dull as dishwater too.

peeweewee Wed 20-Oct-10 18:46:57

Posh I think you're right - the most fun way to handle internet dating is to see it as a laugh!! That way even if they're hideously dull you can soak in the details to tell your friends later. I got into a cab once to avoid the busstop snog and asked the cabbie to take me anywhere - just around the corner would do fine, just to get away from him. He said it happens all the time (and didn't charge me, bless London cabbies)!! grin

ohforfox, I say nobber and Knob. Knob for the knob and nobber for the person. No idea why.

Hassled Wed 20-Oct-10 18:52:57

Threads like this are a valuable public service in making married people start counting their blessings wink.

Posh - he's a twat, I really admire your persistence re the driving and if you don't get there in the end, well, you'll cope. The ability to drive does not make a person.

Winedine69me Wed 20-Oct-10 19:01:50

Posh- as another poster said, it's better you find out now than later. Agree with everyone- what a twat.
Also, don't worry about the driving thing, I am 23, have a provisional license but haven't had even one lesson due to lack of funds.

For some reason, I haven't had what you would call a 'proper' date. Although one of the worst situations I can think of was when I was sort of seeing a boy from my school and we agreed to meet up on a Saturday in the town centre, he never showed up!
I had a mobile but no credit so called him from a phone box, no answer, called a mutual friend, no answer.

I found out on Monday from the mutual friend that apparently his dog had a cold and dogs were more important than girls. We were both 14 at the time. [bitter first boy experience emoticon]

doughnutty Wed 20-Oct-10 19:10:39

Could've been worse.

My worse date? He took me to the pictures to see.........................................

















SCHINDLERS LIST

BertieBasset Wed 20-Oct-10 19:11:39

winedine - that just reminded me of my first boyfriend, aged 14. He said that if he had to pick between me and his dog (an ancient one eyed boxer) he'd pick the dog, because he'd known her longer and loved her more!

I didn't even mention the dog, this was just a random comment!

Incredibly he's married now. Maybe he never found another dog he loved as much grin

SupposedToBeWorking Wed 20-Oct-10 19:15:29

I went on a date.

After not even two minutes he said, 'Well, of course, the thing about me is that I went to Eton. And yes I do know Harry. He's a mate of mine, actually.'

I was racking my brain trying to think how he knew the man who fixes my car. When it clicked I knew it was time to go...

But no, he wanted to buy me another drink ('You're not pissed enough') and when I said thanks but no thanks, started explaining why I should let him stick his tongue down my throat anyway ('It'll be fun').

I lef the bar, he followed me like a stalker walked me home. Near my flat I said it was time to part ways, he started up again with the 'Go on, just a snog'. I said goodbye, walked off and got a pinch on the arse. He got a slap in the face, and I got a round of applause from some tourists nearby.

Not a total loss: I went back to the bar the next day and asked the barman out. He didn't pinch me once smile

Winedine69me Wed 20-Oct-10 19:15:39

grin You must have felt very special BertieBasset.

Maybe his wife loves a dog more than him?

blackwidowspider Wed 20-Oct-10 19:29:17

Best Bit of Advice on Driving Tests

give the examiner a smooth ride

mamateur Wed 20-Oct-10 19:31:02

I had a date with a man who didn't stand up when I arrived. I only realised why when I left and realised he was about 4 inches shorter than claimed.

He told me he liked wall climbing but used the junior one because he was scared of heights.

He was bitter about his ex-girlfriend because when she left him she couldn't even be bothered to push the hoover around before she shut the door on him.

He said his career wasn't going great and when I asked what he did all day he said, watch daytime TV.

He expressed surprise I didn't want to see him again grin.

Pixie83 Wed 20-Oct-10 19:37:17

Many years ago I was set up on a blind date by a friend.

It went horribly wrong the moment we met up - he just didn't look 'right', he was shakey, really thin and palid, and his eyes kept drooping. I asked him if he was ok (about five minutes after sitting down together in the pub) and he told me that he had just finished treatment for leukaemia, and that he was still feeling pretty weak and was usually in bed by this time of night. He hadn't wanted the 'friend' who set us up to tell anyone about his illness as he didn't want people feeling sorry for him, he just wanted to try to start living a normal life. I suggested that maybe we should call it a night and try meeting up during the day instead when he was feeling more up to it.

He started to cry (tears were streaming down his face) and said no, could we keep going, he really wanted this to work because he had become so isolated and was really lonely, all his friends had abandoned him, etc, etc. I felt terrible, I didn't have a clue what to do or say. We left the pub and he said we could go and get some food somewhere. He grabbed my hand as we were walking down the street and said he was so glad he'd met me and I was lovely, etc, etc... We went for a Chinese and I sat there picking at my food while he ate absolutely nothing, just sat smiling at me through his tears....

We left the restaurant and I said I would walk him back to his flat then get a taxi from there - he looked so done in I wanted to make sure he got home ok. As we were walking along he told me that he thought he'd fallen in love with me, and that everything will be ok now that he'd found me....

He got home, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and got out of there. God it was so awful, I have goosebumps now thinking about it again. I spent about the next two weeks not answering the phone, and coming home to messages of how much he loved me and I was all he had to look forward to, and how 'we can work it out' left on my answerphone.

My 'friend' was no longer my friend from that point as we had a bit of a disagreement about how badly she'd dropped me in it. I still feel guilty about it though. sad

CheerfulV Wed 20-Oct-10 19:38:26

These are great, more please! grin

I'm 27 and although I have a provisional license, I haven't had a single lesson. I have very poor sight in one eye though, and the resulting shit depth perception - so as well as lack of funds, I'm just really worried about killing someone.
I would NEVER judge someone who couldn't drive, or who chose not to. How small minded can you be? The ability to drive does not maketh the women. Or man, for that matter.

poshsinglemum Wed 20-Oct-10 19:40:04

Thanks all. These have cheered me up! In the past I may have drunk too much in the hope of finding him attactive then tried to snog him.

I'm so glad I've moved on!

poshsinglemum Wed 20-Oct-10 19:41:32

I was a road protestor when I was 17 but if I told any bloke that's the reason why I didn't drive he's prob run a mile.

I am no longer swampy btw!

moomoo1967 Wed 20-Oct-10 19:50:34

wow and I still can't drive and am over 40 smile. My worst date was with a guy who I had got chatting to online, he sent me a photo and I thought yeah he seems ok. I arranged a lunch date with him, when I saw a guy approaching me I thought no it can't possibly be ! He was older, shorter, fatter, less hair, in fact the photo couldn't possibly have been of him !! Now, I'm not a shallow person but it was the fact that he had lied. Did he honestly think that I wouldn't notice ! And what a start to a relationship lol. Luckily, I always used to get a friend to text me, so I made an excuse and left !

jellyrolly Wed 20-Oct-10 19:55:55

Poshsinglemum what an arse, good job you found out early on.

Pixie83 shock at your date, soo awful but so funny!

I once went on a date with a boxer. Some drunk guy banged into him and my date politely asked me to hold his coat, beat the shit out of the drunk guy, put his coat back on then off we went for dinner as if nothing had happened.

And he ordered my food for me "for the lady".

MakeYerOwnDamnDinner Wed 20-Oct-10 20:13:27

I used to be a road protestor too poshsinglemum and didn't learn to drive until I was 30 (five years ago.)

I recently went on a date with a man who started saying that he was probably going to book a hotel for the night as he was working in that same town the next day anyway. Then he started saying "Ooh haven't you got a long drive home...." Then he steered the conversation back to the hotel again, you get the idea. I just finished my drink and made it clear that I was leaving. Alone.

BalloonSlayer Wed 20-Oct-10 20:28:06

doughnutty I was in a relationship with a very nice man, who was extremely respectful to women and we went to see Schindler's List and he had his hand up my top trying to grope my tits during some of the most harrowing scenes.
confused

poshsinglemum Wed 20-Oct-10 20:29:36

BalloonSlayer; OMG!

PercyPigPie Wed 20-Oct-10 20:44:38

When I was very very young, I was persuaded to go out for a drink with a neighbour (we were both mid teens). On the way home, he asked 'do you mind if I have a kiss'. I said yes and got ready for the kiss. At this point, he got out of the car and had ... a 'piss' [hate that word]. blush

SamJones Wed 20-Oct-10 20:56:20

I once met a guy for coffee who looked a good 10 years older than his age. He then proceeded insult almost every segment of society, for example explaining why he had limited contact with his daughter ...'Well she IS gay'....and 'of course the gays are like that'.
Never mind his views on foreigners.. common people..and thickos.

I literally sat there with my jaw hanging open not able to believe what I heard.

I legged it as soon as I possibly could, only to get a text later that day saying that he'd decided he liked me and that we could go to the cinema. Like this pronouncement was tantamount to hitting the jackpot.

I didn't go. wink

Mumcentreplus Wed 20-Oct-10 21:14:25

I went on a date I didn't even know was a date!!

A guy who knew my cousin asked me to meet him at Liverpool Street Station ...he had something important to tell me about my cousin..

I was worried..I went to meet him...he said 'Oh..you turned up in jeans?' I was like hmm

I'm asking him whats wrong re my cousin...lets go to a pub and chat...he says no..lets go to a resturant in Islington I'm hmm...ok

While walking to the resturant he procedes to irritate me with the most sexist bolloxy crap-talk I have ever experienced in my life (so shit I have chosen to expel it from my brain)...obviously I'm challenging him and thinking WTF???...

I say to myself you know what.. this isn't a date so who cares..

we go to the resturant he starts talking about us and telling me how he feels..I'm thinking WTF (again)..tell me about whats going on with my cousin??..'erm lets not talk about your cousin'...WT??? thats why I'm here!!!

It took all my power and prayer not to kill this man and he couldn't understand why i was pissed??!!!

Rumpleneckskin Wed 20-Oct-10 23:11:59

My worse date - we met via the internet and we'd reached the point where he offered to cook for me at his home. When I got there it was a big house in a fairly remote location. This made me somewhat nervous because it was quite isolated. It was dark out and while he was in the kitchen I stood looking out onto the drive where my car was parked. The outside light went on and a woman's face appeared, about six feet from me and totally unmoving. It was raining outside but the face didn't move and was staring right at me. It seemed to be hovering over my car. I worked out it must be the reflection in the window from one of the family photographs around the walls behind me. I looked round several times to see which one it could be but none matched up with the face in the darkness - still unmoving. The hairs were standing up on the back of my neck by now and, feeling like a complete madthing, I tried to point out this impossible sight to him when he came back into the room. The bloody thing had gone and I expected him to doubt my sanity but instead when I described the face he said it must be his bloody neighbour again, she drank too much and had a habit of coming over to look for him! He said he would sort her out and then left me alone in the house for twenty minutes while he went off to find her. I had no idea where her house might be and I was terrified in case she came into the house to get me while he was gone!

Hard to imagine I know, but the evening went even further downhill after that and I declined to see him again.

FeedMeSeymour Wed 20-Oct-10 23:24:01

It's a long time ago - I was 14, but I went out on a 'date' with an 18 year old I'd fancied for ages.

We went into the city on a Saurday afternoon, had coffee, wandered round the shops etc looking at clothes and stuff we liked and then went in to HMV to look at records. From nowhere he pulled out an HMV carrier bag and proceeded to stuff it with records he was planning to steal. I just stood open mouthed in shock until he asked if there was anything I'd like him to steal for me. I just walked out having visions of my mother collecting me from the police station, left him there and never saw him again.

BigChiefWalnut Wed 20-Oct-10 23:28:34

My worst was a 2nd date with a guy that had seemed nice, if slightly strange on the first. I went to his house for him to cook me dinner. We haden't even started to eat when he got out his journal from high school and spent 2 hours(!) reading me the entries, which were mainly about a girl he had been in love with who went off with his friend. Every so often he would stop and laugh for ages because he had come across a funny bit. I was stony faced throughout. I was too polite to say i was fucking off out of there so listened to it all.

Oh and i can't drive either!

JockTamsonsBairns Wed 20-Oct-10 23:57:39

Hilarious thread grin

Years ago, I turned up for a first date with a guy. The very first thing he said when I arrived was, "thought you might've at least worn a skirt"

WTF?? I turned on my heel.

Another bloke spent the whole evening showing me "funny" YouTube clips on his phone hmm

missmiss Thu 21-Oct-10 00:47:15

I once went on a date with a guy who rang my work after I'd served him at the till and asked me out...that alone should have rung alarm bells, but I was 19 and a combination of desperate and game for a laugh.

He met me at a very popular local pub, where there happened to be a shedload of people from my college at the adjoining table, and proceeded to tell me VERY LOUDLY how he'd been bullied out of university because he was at that time a member of the BNP.

It was excruciating. I suddenly remembered that I had to meet a friend. God knows what my acquaintances at the next table thought, they never mentioned it.

ElGee Thu 21-Oct-10 01:21:36

God, you lot have made my night grin

I had so many bad dates before I met my dp, its hard to pick the worst... I could honestly write a book on them! A couple of highlights:

One time I went to the cinema and my date started choking on a boiled sweet. He was in the aisle on his hands and knees literally choking to death and some big muscley bloke had to come over and hammer on his back. Once recovered, my date then ran out and left me sitting there like a lemon, then texted me later apologising, and said he had to leave because he was so embarrassed!

Another guy took me to a notorious 'couples' spot in our town to "chat and admire the view of the city" hmm We parked up, couple of minutes of chit chat, then he proceeded to pounce on me and ram his tongue down my throat. I was not impressed and told him I wanted to leave, but as he tried to start the car it wouldn't budge and we were stranded. The AA had to come to get us and the AA blokes gave us knowing grins because of our location blush I then got a lift home from my date in the recovery truck. Nice.

Another date I went on was going quite well, so I agreed when he asked me back to his for a drink. We got chatting about our childhoods, and he told me he'd had leukemia as a child and had been very ill for a long time. I thought, how awful, and was quite touched that he'd opened up to me. Then, with no prompting, he stuck on a home made video of himself on the hospital ward he'd been on. He then cried in my arms like a baby. I was thinking awww, what a sensitive guy, he clearly had a tough time as a child. But then the next day I mentioned it to a friend who went to school with him, who told me it wasn't HIM who had leukemia, it was his BROTHER!! shock

Seriously ladies, I could go on and on!!

My last date with one young man involved him asking if I'd like to see the photos of his holiday in Europe. He spent an hour and a half showing me photos of European signal boxes (he liked trains).

I swear it was a joke to make me dump him.

I know it's shallow but I couldn't face a lifetime (or even a few weeks) of faking enthusiasm for signal boxes.

aurynne Thu 21-Oct-10 11:46:18

I have had my share of frogs, but undoubtedly the no 1 prize goes for a Kiwi bloke I dated some years ago. We went to a pub and had a drink, and I have to admit the conversation went quite well. When I was preparing to go back home (we both had brought our cars) he offered to drive me to a place which was "really cool, you really have to see it!". I was curious, the guy seemed harmless and it was still daylight, so I went with him. He then proceeded to drive me to an office building belonging to the building company "Gallagher's". An extremely ordinary glass building in the middle of an industrial park. I was standing there waiting for the punchline until I finally realized there was none... that was the coll place. All the while he was there smiling at me with an excited expression on his face that said: "It is awesome, isn't it?". I really had no idea how to react.

But wait, there's more. After that he proceeded to drive me back to my car, but he suddenly took a diversion and stopped at the side of the road. There was a lonely, dirty diesel truck stop there. It was literally in the middle of nowhere, just a diesel dispenser with a card reader. He stopped the car, got out, and stared at me smiling. I waited. He smiled a bit more, with his eyes open wide. Then, a bit exasperated, as if thinking "this moron does not know what this is", he exclaimed: "It's a truck stop!!!".

It took weeks for him to stop calling me and sending me texts to see me again.

aurynne Thu 21-Oct-10 12:00:03

If anyone is curious about the awesome Gallagher building, I've just found it in Google Maps... click here.

Note: the Christmas decorations weren't even there on that day.

I'm glad you mentioned the Christmas decorations aurynne. I thought for a minute it had been splattered by a giant albatross.

hormonalmum Thu 21-Oct-10 13:43:39

My particulary memorable bad date was after breifly meeting someone at speed dating. We met a few weeks later as I was in his area with work. We met for a coffee and it felt like the longest coffee ever. He was rather dull and talked about his council job and his cat alot. I was as interested as I could be.. I made my excuses and left.
He emailed a few times before I politely replied and said we had little in common. Im sure he got over it!!

ullainga Thu 21-Oct-10 14:19:03

The date itself was very nice, talking and laughing etc. Agreed to meet again soon.

Unfortunately I ran into him a couple of hours later in a supermarket. he was buying diapers. (by the look on his face it was pretty clear that, no, they were not for his nephew or similar).

This other guy spent the whole date critizising and slagging off everything about my life. Job? Pff, how boring and useless. Travels? Yeah, been there, horrible place. Hobbies? How ridiculous.. Really, absolutely every single thing I had ever done was pointless according to him. I still wonder why the heck he asked me out in the first place. hmm

glitzy Thu 21-Oct-10 14:46:59

Mine was quite a few years back. Met up with a guy I had been chatting to online for a while. Don't think i'd seen his picture prior to meet. Anyway... he was about 15 years older than me (and older than he said he was), but, I thought i'd not be rude and stuck with it. Went to a local pub, where instead of getting me a coke as I had asked, he came back with a brandy and coke (as if I wouldn't notice) and was not impressed when I wouldn't just drink it.

Then he told me off by saying I could of at least made an effort by wearing makeup (im not a big make up wearer!!), and then, proceeded to watch the horse racing that was showing on tele, without talking to me at all. I left pretty quickly saying I had an emergency - to which he also seemed quite put out about!

Then, he later emailed me asking if i would like to meet up again, and if i could make an effort next time.

I didn't bother to reply.

One bloke told me about how he partied too much to be bothered going to lectures, had spent all of his student loan already on drugs, but it would be ok because he could declare himself bankrupt after uni. I hope he did and it bit him on his lazy scrounging arse.

Another bloke got his phone out and proceeded, uninvited I might add, to scroll through every single one of his contacts telling me how he knew each person and a little bit about them. By O I was no longer able to keep my fake interested face in place.

OsbegaEthewulf Fri 22-Oct-10 13:26:07

2 dates stand out

one turned up wearing a 3 piece beige suit, brown shirt and beige satin tie and ate digestive biscuits from a pack he had in his pocket. Later he asked me if it was ok to kiss me and smiled showing a gobful of teeth with mushed up biscuit stuck in between them. Bleurghh

Next one only reached my shoulder- 5 foot ten my arse- and during goodnight snog kept belching little burps into my mouth!

atswimtwolengths Fri 22-Oct-10 14:30:13

EricNorthamsMistress - student loans can't be wiped out with bankruptcy, so hopefully that wiped the smug grin off his face.

Chathappy Fri 22-Oct-10 15:12:30

osbega your post made me laugh so much grin

I don't have any great stories to add but loving reading these... Absolutely hilarious grin

Rentaghoste Fri 22-Oct-10 15:35:09

I moved to London ages ago for a new job and met this chap on the induction course. He asked me where I lived, and said - yes I'm a lay preacher at such-and-such baptist church just down the road from you.

Anyway, I was lonely not knowing anyone in London and I invited him round for Saturday lunch and to mooch around town. I thought what could be more pleasant than spending the afternoon with a nice young man.

He didn't turn up for the meal, but spent hours and hours ringing me from his mobile saying he was on the way, and to keep his meal warm.

It was dark by the time he turned up at my front door, holding a box of biscuits and wallet with a toothbrush poking out of it.

I was seething, but fed him - he said it was horrible and all dried up - then he asked where the bedroom was for sex.

I told him to leave, and there was a bit of a kerfuffle getting him out of the door I can tell you!

Next monday, he kept calling me at work, I tried to be polite as the whole office was listening avidly.

......two years later, I mentioned his name in passing to someone in his department, who told me he had been sacked ages ago for sexual harassment, and wasn't it shocking that he was married and with a child too!

I was so naive in the ways of London folk!

MoralDefective Fri 22-Oct-10 20:49:26

When i saw the title i just knew it was poshsinglemumsmile
what a twat he sounds.
I couldn't drive when i met dp....didn't learn 'till second child was 2 years old
and only then because Dp was pissed with driving all the time.
However, it was liberating
so glad i did it.

mysticflayme Fri 22-Oct-10 21:02:11

hey new here, but have to share as mine is right up there with the worst!

Took my new gf out on a date and bumped into a casual male ex of mine who thought it would be really hilarious to be hands on in a friendly way, regale her with stories of our past, joke continually (as immature single men seem to love doing) about his own anatomy and topped it off by suggsting a threesome! :O and blush and hmm.

miraculously that relationship still lasted three and a half years with my girlfriend after that the guy we bumped into is still a mate too. so terrible for a date but not such a bad outcome

x

happiestblonde Fri 22-Oct-10 22:20:55

Worst so far:

I met a man in Holland and Barrett once who seemed very attractive. He asked for my number and I thought 'why not'; 2 weeks later we met for lunch. I was absolutely shattered from writing my dissertation (final year at uni but was back in London briefly) and had been up since 5 for a meeting at 8 in the city. We met about 12, he tells me he's in 'media' - i.e. unemployed/has a blog/uses twitter too much and considers himself a bit of a spokesperson on life... and as he wouldn't go into further details I knew it must have been one of those. The first problem was that the first time we met I had been wearing 8 inch (yes, 8) heels and he had still seemed tall - I was wearing pretty little flat shoes and considering I'm 5"3 he was a MONSTER - atleast 6"7. I could have gotten past this but, after he took me to Carluccio's (sic?) he started to grill me on what I was doing and considering I had been up so long and was ultra stressed about my dissertation I just could not answer. It fully sounded like a pack of lies like his media career.

It was clearly a bit touch and go conversation wise but pretty much okay until he asked me rather suddenly... "Do you wear boots?" - "boots?" I ask - "Yes, boots, heeled ones...." he then goes a bit spasmy, I think it may have been a self induced orgasm and mutters creepily "boooooooots"

My 20 year old self did not cut and run, God knows why not. I ignored it and changed the subject; this seemed to work until he states "you have a nice arse. Do you do squats?" again in the creepy tone. At this point I say i really must go as I have somehwere to be and the bastard tells me he has 'forgotten' his wallet (despite having talked in detail about the hair appointment he was headed to afterwards). I paid the bill, grudgingly, and we left - at the station he genuinely goes in for a kiss and I backed away and ran. It took 2 months for the texts to stop.

argh.

Jellykat Fri 22-Oct-10 22:21:36

Reading this has made me grin and shock..

No stories to tell to match these, but am dying to know Sungirltan.. How did your driving test go yesterday???

happiestblonde Fri 22-Oct-10 22:22:21

I havent been to carluccios since and never, ever will. Similarly Holland and Barrett.

Rossco Fri 22-Oct-10 22:46:20

When I was about 16 a guy I knew asked me out. He wasn't my type at all but my Mum said I had to accept to be polite hmm

Off we go to the ten pin bowling alley and begin our game. Half way through he lines up to through his bowl but his fingers get stuck in the holes and he sails up the alley on his stomach still gripping the ball! Everyone close to us fell about laughing and I just wanted to curl up. The guy got up and carried on like nothing had happened while I tried not to laugh!

Not long after his Mum asked me round for tea, again my Mum said I had to be polite so off I went. The family were strict Christians and tea began with a Prayer and Bible reading which I didn't mind but then we watched a movie. The Rookie with Clint Eastwood. His mother made us put our fingers in our ears and close our eyes for most of the first 30 minutes before insisting we turned it off.

That was a fun night.

The guy is now married to a fellow Christian and my Mum never again told me to be polite when asked out grin

Rossco Fri 22-Oct-10 22:46:53

Through? Throw!!!

needafootmassage Sat 23-Oct-10 08:58:41

One date I had from Guardian Soulmates was a bloke who jokingly said (so I thought) that I'd know him by his bowler hat, carnation buttonhole and rolled up copy of the times under his arm.

That was exactly as he was waiting for me in the pub, except the carnation was between his teeth, not in his buttonhole.

Ok, sense of humour you might think.

He then proceeded to talk about NOTHING - not ONE THING other than his ex-wife and his divorce. Obsessively. I stopped trying to get a word in edgeways when it was clear nothing would deviate him from his chosen topic of conversation.

At the end of the mercifully short date (big, big and important internet dating tip here - always make your first date a half hour drink - you can extend it if you like each other, but it gives you a let out if he's a plonker)... anyway, at the end of the date he said how much he had enjoyed meeting me and getting to know me (WTF??? You know NOTHING about me at all! We only talked about YOU!) and would I meet him again.

No, I said. Why not he asked. So I told him I hadn't enjoyed listening to him monologuing about his ex-wife. He did a dramatic facepalm and said that was what the last date had told him, but he thought he'd been better this time.

I did feel sorry for him, but not sorry enough to go on a second date.

squishee Sat 06-Apr-13 15:33:11

Am reviving this thread, it has to be done unfortunately!

I recently had a date with a man I met a few days before at a party.

When he shows up, unlike at the first meeting, his BO and bad breath are very noticeable.

He regales me with stories about his Russian exes. One of them would carry all the suitcases and shopping bags, "because she liked it". Another would sleep in the foetal position at his feet.

At one point he starts scratching at one of the many stains on his revolting jumper. And doing stain analysis is it yoghurt?

I say "You're on a date. You know that, right?"

He says that in his youth he took too much care of himself and attracted "too many women", which became distracting for him at work. So he's gone the other way.

Throughout the date he won't drop the idea that we're going back to his afterwards to "watch videos online".

As repellent tempting as the proposition is, I decline.

We leave the bar having gone Dutch on two drinks. Classy!
He walks in front and lets the door shut on me.

I tell him very bluntly exactly what I think about his personal hygiene issues, and his appalling attitude to women.

And then I get a text suggesting a second ordeal date... Rebuffed!

ItsallisnowaFeegle Sat 06-Apr-13 15:35:08

Too many shite dates, I wouldn't know where to start grin

LadyApricot Sat 06-Apr-13 16:00:45

I had a blind date with a magician. Double denim and white high top trainers.
We went to a cafe.. He started crying because one of his doves died. He went in for a kiss at the end and I turned my face away at the wrong time to avoid it. It resulted in an awkward lean in to my ear.

StuffezLaBouche Sat 06-Apr-13 16:30:04

Busy pub... Loud Yoda impressions. The rest I've blocked out.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 06-Apr-13 17:04:39

Exchanged numbers with a guy who approached me in a Gay nightclub when I was hammered drunk.

Had no recollection of him at all. He texted me and called for about a week.

In the end I relented. He asked me to travel up to meet him as he was a "top chef" for a major London restaurant and worked quite late.

I turned up to a sh*tty greasy Greek Restaurant in NW London. He looked nothing like I remembered. He told me to come down to the office while he got ready. This involved him talking about himself whilst pulling off his trousers to reveal a pair of manky boxers and hairy frog legs.

He took me to a pub near his house, I was driving so didn't drink. It was a really lively local, friendly and running a pub quiz.

The conversation was entirely about him, and revolved around his family being trapped in Algeria, his cruel life there, his parents and his love child in Sweden.

I suggested we join the quiz and have a bit of a laugh. He told me I was rude to suggest it and he hadn't finished telling me about his life. He hadn't asked me once about mine.

I went to the bar and got chatting to two 70 year old gents, about one of the pub questions - naming the bridges over the Thames in order from west to east.

When I got back to the table he was furious that I had chatted to two men, and asked if it was normal behavior for me to be so flirtatious with strangers.

He then proceeded to continue the conversation of the story of his life.

I got so bored I started randomly shouting the answers out for the pub quiz to the two gents at the bar during his conversation.

He then asked me to drop him off at his accommodation - it was a bedsit in the scummiest house I've ever seen. I can't believe this man served the general public food. I nearly did a wheelie out of there.

I still have no idea what he was doing in a gay club, as he expressed a lot of dislike for gay men. I think he was predetorial for women out with their gay mates, relaxed and letting their hair down in what they thought was a safe environment.

I got my male friend to answer the phone and pretend he was my husband to stop the pestering calls.

belfastbigmillie Sat 06-Apr-13 17:08:20

Oh please, tell me more of these. They are hilarious!

BriansBrain Sat 06-Apr-13 17:20:33

One guy gave me presents of perfume samples on our first date.

I declined seeing him again not because of the weird present but because he was odd so he took to following me when out in my car and leaving carnations on my roof and writing "I thought you loved me" in the dust on my bonnet hmm

TurnipCake Sat 06-Apr-13 17:34:01

He started crying because one of his doves died

When Doves Cry just popped into my head grin

I went on a date had a polite dinner following a one-night stand with a guy who then took me to meet his best friend, who had two women in tow. Once they left, this guy started ranting on about women who don't pay for drinks and what 'whores' they are to do that etc. My date then told me this guy had a long-term girlfriend. I was in hell. Excused myself and went home pronto.

LadyApricot Sat 06-Apr-13 18:01:58

This is the best thread ever. Haha!

Machli Sat 06-Apr-13 18:27:04

I always tell this one but I still go shock when I think of it.

First date we arranged the date after meeting while out one night, I had seen him around and knew him vaguely. He seemed lovely, tall and Scottish. We met outside a shop to walk to the pub. Outside two girls approached us, one in floods of tears, he hustled me into the pub and after a few minutes she followed at which point she started screaming at him and he actually stood up and squared up to her, her friend dragged her out and he sheepishly told me it was his ex, I found out later she was so recently his ex he had literally dumped her an hour before.

When I went to leave, saying I didn't want to be involved in this kind of thing he started crying and told me he loved me! hmm We had spent literally 20 minutes together, if that. Oh and he had a load of DVD's in a bag for us to watch later at my place shock.

Estherbelle Sat 06-Apr-13 18:30:15

My dates from hell (internet dating) include:

1) Totally unhinged 30 year old virgin who spent date talking to be about how he planned to become a male prostitute to pay for his uni fees and the time he tried and kill himself. I made a hasty retreat…

2) Utterly full of himself lawyer who treated our date like a job interview, claimed that disabled people were a waste of space because they contributed nothing to society, said he could tell I didn't have kids because I "still had an ok figure"!!! When I told him that my mum actually had a better figure than me, he asked for her number. He went to the toilet and I walked out.

3) Admittedly I was on the rebound and probably shouldn’t have let this Mr Nice Guy take me on a birthday holiday to a 5* hotel on Lake Windermere - it was only the second time I’d met him. The trip soon became torturous – although chatty in emails / msn, in real life he was so painfully shy he hardly spoke! He also suffered from OCD and we barely left the car park because he wouldn't stop checking whether the car door handle to check whether it was properly locked! I ended it on the final day of our break and then we got stuck in a 6 hour traffic jam on the way home during which he cried through all of it!

4) Mum urged me to go for “someone older and more established” so when a man 10 years older with his own successful PR company started messaging me, I was flattered by the attention. Texts (sometimes over 100 a day) epic phone calls, etc went back and forth for a heated month. He was very intense, showered me with compliments (with hindsight I could tell he was in PR!) and by the time we finally found a date to meet month later (yes, another long-distance thing) I’d worked myself up into such a frenzy (him saying “this day could change the course of our lives forever, etc”) that my heart sunk when I saw him because I knew instantly that I didn’t find him physically attractive (yes, I’d seen photos and I’d known he was stocky with a skinhead which is the complete opposite of what I usually go for, but I’d tried to be open-minded because no. 11 had been completely physical type and it had blinkered me to his behaviour, plus photos often don’t do people justice) Despite all this, after a zillion cocktails, him asking me to be his girlfriend, telling me I was the girl of his dreams and he could quite easily marry me (?!) I stupidly slept with him (he’d mentioned at great length on several occasions what an amazing lover he was…again, that was clearly PR talk!!) Therefore I was quite relieved two days later when I got an email saying he was “probably making the biggest mistake of his life” but he couldn’t be with me because “there was something not quite right” he “couldn’t put his finger on it” (??!) Two months later he contacted me again begging for another chance - only now did he realise what a truly amazing woman I was, it wasn’t me, it was him, blah blah. I ignored him.

5) This man pushed back the time of our date at the last minute because of an “emergency” Drs appointment…I’d already travelled to meet him at this point, so ended up waiting around for 2 hours…then he was a further 30 mins late with no explanation. I was just about to leave when he showed up with make up on one side of his face, but not the other (??!) When I asked him if he was ok, he said he’d been to the Drs because he’d drank alcohol for 2 nights in a row, which he’d never done before, and he wanted to make sure he was ok (??!) When I went to the toilet, I phoned a friend and asked her to ring me back with a fake reason why I had to leave immediately – the reason she gave? “There’s blood on your front door!” I made a swift exit, but obviously he didn’t buy it because later that evening I received an email saying: “How extraordinarily rude”!!!

6) Appeared charming and attentive and first, but after I refused to sleep with him on the second date, he said with utter indignation: “But I bought you dinner!!”

Eventually, after much perseverance I met DP. Been together two years now and couldn't be happier. I can look back and laugh now, but it wasn't so funny at the time!

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 06-Apr-13 18:31:05

I don't know whether to be relieved that I'm not the only woman who got freak after freak first dates, or to be perturbed at the amount of complete weirdos out there.

confused

Estherbelle Sat 06-Apr-13 18:32:06

I meant no. 1, not no, 11...

IAmNotAMindReader Sat 06-Apr-13 18:34:20

Mine was a blind date set up from a "friend"
He was in his mid 30's I was only just out of secondary school, 16.
He still lived at home and always had (no failed relationship story to explain it) and had never had a serious relationship.
Every alarm bell I had was ringing so loud I could barely think.

We went ice skating where he also displayed innapropriate levels of attention towards me in an environment packed with families with small children.

My friend and her boyfriend, who lived next door to this prick thought it was hillarious, well my friend did till she saw my what he kept trying to do and she had the sense to see he was at best incredibly socially inept.
I decided to fake an injury and slipped on the ice, brought him down with me and he ended up with a broken arm.
He insisted I come in the ambulance with him (which I only really did because it got me closer to home and escape and because I wasn't a total cow and wanted to see he was ok ).

The scene with the ambulance crew was mortifying. As I walked into the first aid room I heard one of them saying as he he turned round and saw me " Don't worry one of the first aiders has gone to get your wife....girlfriend???......daughter???"

I was burning with shame that I hadn't just told him to fuck off as soon as I clapped eyes on him and squirming with discomfort at the thought of what the other people there might have thought. I was also incredibly pissed off that my friend would have thought this was in any way a good idea, but to be fair to her this was also the first time she had met him too.

At the hospital I was bombarded with questions about him I couldn't answer, so I found my friend and we legged it.
Vowed never to go on a blind date again.

LittleBairn Sat 06-Apr-13 18:37:19

What a twat! I don't drive and never intend to learn why on earth would such a thing concern someone?

EchoBitch Sat 06-Apr-13 18:39:58

What i don't get about these threads is how you remember them from so long ago unless you are the original OP.

Why not just start a new one all of your own?

Estherbelle Sat 06-Apr-13 18:42:49

Echo - I guess they come up if you're searching for a certain subject - and if they're as funny as this one, why not add to it? Some of the earlier posts are hilarious, so I'm glad it was revived.

Frizzbonce Sat 06-Apr-13 18:46:47

My worst ever date was with a doctor who stubbed his fag out in the middle of his plate, and when we went outside, had a massive slash up the side of the restaurant wall. We then got into a cab and he whispered in my ear: 'I want to stick my fingers up your snatch Frizz.'

Smoooooth.

IAmNotAMindReader Sat 06-Apr-13 18:52:10

Classy that one Frizz how did you find the will to resist? grin

Frizzbonce Sat 06-Apr-13 19:13:45

NotaMindReader - I'm really embarrassed to admit that I hadn't run away screaming at the point of him suggesting he stick his faggy fingers up my fanjo.

Like many other posters on here I was very young and had this bizarre idea it was impolite to say no.

We went back to his place which was a tip and filled with those 1980s video nasties like I Spit on Your Grave and I Gob on Your Headstone etc. Still didn't go. blush THEN I stuck my head round his bedroom door and saw amid the pile of festering socks and rank tangy sheet smell, a copy of The Forty Days of Sodom by the Marquis de Sade. It was a well worn copy with many many pages stuck together.

'I see you've found my wank material' said the Doctor. At this point - finally he became Dr No. Or rather Dr Not in a Million Fucking Years and I ran out the door.

cuillereasoupe Sat 06-Apr-13 19:43:21

Mine pales into insignificance beside some of these, but even so I wasn't overly seduced by the guy who came out with "Is that how you usually dress?" followed by "you're not going to eat that quiche are you?". Why yes, I am, actually hmm.

Angelico Sat 06-Apr-13 19:43:45

PMSL Frizz grin

I had a date with a doc (consultant) years ago. He was older than me and had lived at home with his elderly mum until she died. I thought this might be why he was still single as he seemed a nice, caring kind of guy and was on a good salary so could afford to move out IYSWIM.

Unfortunately when I met him he had the arrogance of a successful man with the mannerisms and slightly querulous tone of voice of an elderly woman confused It was disconcerting! He also had the table manners of a pig.

Angelico Sat 06-Apr-13 19:44:51

cuiller what did he have in mind for the quiche? I'm envisaging some kind of American Pie scene here... wink

squishee Sat 06-Apr-13 21:47:53

EchoBitch it struck me that I might not be the first person ever to have been on The Date From Hell. So did a quick search.
Later was advised by a more seasoned MNer to start a new thread.

WittyMonica Sat 06-Apr-13 22:45:46

I've never understood the problem with adding to an already existing thread on the same topic that you wish to discuss? I've enjoyed reading all of these tales, and if the OP had started her own thread I'd have missed most of them as it isn't a topic I'd have thought to look up.

belfastbigmillie Sat 06-Apr-13 22:54:32

This is a great thread smile

OhLori Sat 06-Apr-13 23:03:41

Another, "too many shite dates, I wouldn't know where to start".

But one springs to mind. A few years ago, met this younger guy in a busy office pub at lunchtime. Even if I say so myself, I scrubbed up pretty well that day (don't think I could quite manage the sheer effort these days!).

Sitting in a bar, surrounded by suits, a trampy looking bloke appeared at the door and made his way towards me. So much worse looking than his picture. Those vague, arty, sideways shots - so deceptive angry.

But even worse, he was dressed in trousers and a jumper that you would wear to put the bins out. I actually felt insulted by his appearance and said sarcastically "Well, you've obviously made an effort, haven't you?". I asked him if he dressed like that for work hmm and told him he needed to go shopping and buy some decent clothes. I left after the one and only drink.

I think he liked me though grin.

boyfromipinema Sat 06-Apr-13 23:16:28

Have you lot not been reading my 'fancy a date' thread?
I can pull out all the stops to offer you the zero star treatment in the form of 'classic shit date experience'

ethelb Sat 06-Apr-13 23:23:44

OP some people are very very weird about non-drivers. I only passed last year and a 'friend' is still so odd about it I now avoid speaking to him. He is that bad!
I wonder your date would deal with people with disabilities that mean they cant drive ffs!

I was the date from hell.
Pre-child i lived down south, and after my marriage broke up i had a very rare date.
Got completely drunk (blame nerves and the fact i wasn't an accomplished drinker back in those days). On the train home (we were both on the train), i fell asleep - head on the table, drooling, snoring - and woke up to be sick. Cringe cringe cringe.
Puked down the side of the table (the poor cleaners) and whilst i was puking, i was farting at the same time. FUCKING CRINGE!
Two young guys sitting near us were completely creased up with laughter.

I sat up, wiped my mouth in a very ladylike fashion, looked my (horrified) date in the eye and said (slurred) "You should have taken the blame for that" meaning the farting.

Needless to say, i never saw him again.

Passiveaggressivecakeeater Sun 07-Apr-13 00:44:46

OMFG peppa!!!!!!!!!! I would have moved to Mars.

This was last Sunday as it happens, he turned up needing a shave, a haircut and his shoes falling to bits, did not look at all like his photos, his opening gambit was moaning about the fact that his ex-wife and dd had recently converted to Islam. But he really dug his own grave with the anecdote about being arrested and cautioned for being abusive to his ex. You really could not make this stuff up, at least he told me then!
But this whole turning up scruffy thing ( it's happened to me a few times) what goes through their heads, "oh yeah, I'm meeting someone for the first time but it doesn't matter about my appearence, as I'll charm her socks off with my witty banter and sharp intellect" hmm

I've never really done much dating (usually picked men up in clubs and shagged them) but I did have a go at small-ads dating once about 20 years ago. Incredibly dull bloke who talked like Rowan Atkinson being Mr Bean and kept blowing his nose and then looking in his hanky.

ToomuchWaternotWine Sun 07-Apr-13 02:15:33

That Gallaghers building photo from the original 2010 part of the thread STILL has zero likes and zero comments grin

And reader, I married him....

FruitOwl Sun 07-Apr-13 02:46:44

This thread is amazing!

Mine was when I was a student. I got introduced to someone who promptly gave me his 'card' ; I asked what it was for and was told he was an unemployed actor. Fair enough, so I agreed to a lunch date

He turned up in a Hawaiian shirt tucked into high waisted Chinos with a shiny belt. And proceeded to talk about his ex wife in a rather nasty way. About 15 mins in I told him I wasn't interested, but he said that was fine and we should eat our food and go our separate ways.

Then about halfway though he started talking about how our waitress was hot, stuck his hand up her skirt and we were asked to leave. The worst bit? It was a restaurant I had previously worked in and all the staff were shock watching us leave.

Reader, thankfully he never contacted me again.

rockinhippy Sun 07-Apr-13 04:05:35

My worst date was when I was young, particularly bad as I didn't even know I was on a soddin blind date at all, but had been stitched up by a friend who had invited me out for the night - turned out her new mans brother was visiting & she promised to meet up with him bring along a date for DBhmm

If that wasn't bad enough, the DB was a lecture us tw@t found any excuse to try & grope me & then after a few pints started ranting on about "the bitch that had me sent down" I soon gleaned that he had just got out of the nick after a stretch for rape - he was proud of it too shock

rockinhippy Sun 07-Apr-13 04:27:56

Oh & a blind date I did agree to go on was a corker too- months of speaking to this guy with a wonderfully sexy southern American deep drawl, telling me he was 6'3" 12 stone & well toned, worked out etc, he was an American Indian - he even mentioned having been in Dances with Wolves, very interesting character on the phone - my mind running away with me -

eventually we set up a date - I dolled myself up, arrived a little early & sat eagerly awaiting this tall dark native American sex god to walk through the door - didn't spot him - then I was tapped on the shoulder by this rather short, very round - smelly old trampshock

I didn't want to be too rude as I'd been talking to him for months, so I figured I'd be polite & stay for a drink & make my excuses - it started off okay, though breathing was a bit difficult as he stankenvy - I was very aware that were talking point for the whole bloody bar toohmm - he got more & more bizarre, told me he was looking for a long term girlfriend to move in with - after i told him straight there was no chemistry & it wasnt going to be me, but its always nice to make new friends etc -

he ended up telling me, he didn't have time for that, he needed a "new pad soon, as his current GF - who it turned out I vaguely knew as a bit of a headcase - believed she was a vampire & wandered around an area I worked chewing raw steak - that's when she wasn't thinking she was an Indian princess reincarnate, saris agogo - she was kicking him out & he was basically homeless & looking for his next free ride.

Sigh, the imaginary him was rather sexy though, shame he was body dismorphic & needed a good scrub

SorryMyLollipop Sun 07-Apr-13 04:53:03

I met a bloke online. We arranged to meet at a cafe. He spent the WHOLE time showing me endless (over a thousand) photos of his DS who he had conceived with his wife using his sperm and a donor egg. He asked about my DCs because he "wanted some siblings" for his DS.

He also slagged off his wife, who he still lived with!!

He said the marriage was over. I asked if his wife was aware of our date and him doing online dating. She wasn't hmm

He was shocked when I said I couldn't see him again because he lived with his wife etc and he looked bemused when I suggested he sort out his home situation before continuing to date.

SorryMyLollipop Sun 07-Apr-13 05:00:00

Then there was the bloke who was 30mins late - no apology - had bad breath and BO. Very awkward, talked about his boring job endlessly, nothing in common etc. Moaned repeatedly about walking 10 mins across town to get to my choice of cafe. He asked me on another date and I declined saying that we had little in common, he responded with "Yes, you are right, I was just being polite"

OrangeFootedScrubfowl Sun 07-Apr-13 05:38:05

Blind date.

I turn up at the coffee place, it is 11:30am. He looks normal, I go to say hello but he flaps his arms to silence me - "Wait!" he says, "I think we should kiss now before we spend time talking to assess whether there'd be any passion between us."

I declined.

Sailormercury Sun 07-Apr-13 06:29:00

I went on a blind date when I was about 19. He was in his 2Os and a skinhead (not my usual type) and was wearing all black. However the most striking thing about him was that his face was literaly covered in gigantic blackheads.
He looked me up and down and said "hhhm well you seem to know how to apply makeup, a lot of women really pile it on. Fucking slags."
We has met in a shopping centre and he wanted to go to the food court and I had not yet hatched a plan to escape. So to my eternal shame I accompanied him.
We sat down and he produced a tub of Nivea handcream and smeared it all over his face, I suppose that explains the blackheads. He proceeded to tell me "You're fit but your stomachs to big. You should do some press ups"
After that bombshell he actually had the affrontery to ask me to buy him him a KFC. My response was a resounding NO. When he finaly reconciled himself to buying his own food he got up and said "fine but I'm not getting you anything because you're fat enough already and I only like size 10s"
I seized my chance for escape and ran like a mother fucker.

The strangest thing was he sent me loads of messages afterwards (obtained my number from xfriend) asking for more dates.

TDada Sun 07-Apr-13 08:12:17

Hahaha

MatureUniStudent Sun 07-Apr-13 08:23:31

Rockin Re rape guy shock

saintmerryweather Sun 07-Apr-13 08:27:14

I wouldnt want to be with a bloke who couldnt drive, id assume he would want lifts everywhere.

also, how come when a woman slopes off to the toilet and leaves, leaving her date sitting in the resturant like a numpty thats funny, but when a bloke says 'right this int working ill be off now' hes a nobber and a tosser?

peppa that made me laugh

Saint i can`t drive( before accused drip feed its due to disability ) and trust me i don`t ask for lifts .I live in area deliberate with good public transport ,buses and trains. Fiercely independent to boot .

Oh and i do travel around a lot from Devon to Scotland to wales it does not stop me even if may take me a bit longer to get there

TDada Sun 07-Apr-13 08:49:14

Yes on a serious note, horrible blokes with no self awareness. What does it say about us men

i have tried dating in past do not lie or hide fact I am in a wheelchair.Yes its part of who I am but does not define me

But i did go on a date friend set up and he did the double take when i came in .He was polite at first even though could tell he was dying to do a runner from start but wanted to be fair and give him chance as know lot of peoples first reactions are the same
but after few drinks he got braver and larey and started trying make me feel grateful that he spending time with the poor single lady ina wheelchair .Now thing is i am quite happy with my life and value my Independence but i am aslo quite outspoken when needs

i could see where his questions were going ,turned round said , no i don`t need a carer , yes i am independent and yes i can have sex but I am rather fussy and it wont be with you ever.Then turned round and left him sitting there.

Concentrateonthegood Sun 07-Apr-13 09:24:16

I went on an Internet lunch date. Arrived at the pub and text "are you in or out?" As soon as I sent the text, the date appeared at my car so we got out, had lunch. He was a lovely, genuine guy but I knew there was no spark for me. He asked me how we would proceed, a little clumsily, so I said I would like to go and reflect. When I got back to the office, I had a text saying, "you're lovely, I'm definitely in, when can I see you again?"

He mistook my earlier text asking whether he was in the pub or in the car park as a come on. He he he

3rd date with a guy I'd met through a friend (while a student). His friends from his home town were visiting and he wanted me to meet them. We all went to a pub and it was fine, although the guy was being a bit clingy. At chucking out time his best friend (who was actually good fun, and was out with his girlfriend) suggested we went on to a club. The guy got really arsey and weird because I wanted to do this rather than go home with him. We all went to the club and he was sulky and seriously possessive. He started getting all jealous and accusing me of flirting with his best friend etc. And I think there was crying. His best friend kept apologising for him because it was atrocious behaviour.

I left and went home (without him, obviously). And avoided his phone calls and weird needy/possessive texts. Then he started turning up at my flat and expecting me to let him in. I didn't. My 'this guy is clearly bad news' sense was screaming. I took ages to get rid of him.

If that's what he was like in public and very early on, I dread to think how he would be behind closed doors in an established relationship. I think of it as a lucky escape.

INteresting comment upthread about the 'doing a runner' and whether it's percieved as sensible or unkind to do so. I think on the whole women seem to do it because the man is behaving wierdly and they think that announcing they want to leave might cause a scene or even violence, whereas men seem to do it because they have decided the woman isn't pretty enough.

I certainly didactic runner due to weird giant red flag behaviour.

Did a runner. Thanks autocorrect.

BoyMeetsWorld Sun 07-Apr-13 10:17:53

I had an amazing Internet near-miss.

Date sent me a picture of himself with a kitten on the palm of his hand. Being an animal lover I thought it was v sweet.

Went to bar to meet him - from the doorway I could see a literal GIANT (easily minimum 7ft) towering over everybody on the dance floor & bopping about like a deranged giraffe. At that moment, I realised the presumed kitten in the photo was in fact a full grown cat. I turned around and made a sneaky getaway smile

fluffyraggies Sun 07-Apr-13 14:07:29

Here's a near miss related to me by a then friend/work colleague when we were both around 17. She was very pretty, very glam, very naive.

These are her words - the expressions are my reactions at the time. Now, years later, i am even more shock about how stupid lucky she was.

In a bar in central London getting pissed with a female friend. A guy is watching me across the bar. He looks like Fish, from Marillion. Scruffy, late 30's. He comes and joins us and i let him buy me drinks, doubles. Laughter and banter. We don't exchange names.

Closing time - friend goes her way, i go mine. I need to get on the tube to get home. Last train. 'Fish' keeps asking where i live, he asks to walk me to the station. I wont say where i live as my parents are away for the week. (very posh area) I say no thanks to being walked to the station, but he insists so i let him hmm

I'm veeeery pissed. My train pulls in and the guy gets on with me. He says he wants to make sure i get to my stop hmm

I start feeling very sick on the train and need to get off. 'Fish' gets off too, and we go up out of the station and i say i'm getting a cab. When the cab arrives he jumps in too. I'm too sick and woozy to care hmm

I am sick in his lap shock

We are asked to get out of the cab and i must walk the last bit. 'Fish' (now covered in vomit) walks with me hmm

I am getting worried because i know my house is empty, and i don't want him knowing the address. I keep saying i'll be fine now. He insists on getting me to my gate shock

We get there and he asks if he can come in and clean his (vomity) trousers. I say oh ok then. But just for a minute shockshock

We go in, and i go straight into my room and get in bed shock

I hear him running the bath (???) confused

Then he appears stark naked at my bedroom door and asks if i want sex shockshockshock

I have sick in my hair, and in my teeth - i say noooo, go away, and he sheepishly turns and walks away <relief>

In the morning i wake and remember the night before. I wonder if there are any belongings left in my parents beautiful house!?!? I look around and everything seems normal. I look in my parents room and 'Fish' is asleep in their bed shock

His trousers are soaking in a bath of cold sicky water in the en suit hmm

I wake him and tell him he has to leave - i have to be at work very soon. He sits up in bed and says he has no trousers to put on. I offer to go and buy him a pair of trousers so he can leave. He agrees and says he'll clean his trousers. I go out, buy this stranger a pair of trousers and take them back to him. He is still in bed. He hasn't moved an inch hmm

I say i am going to work, i am late for work and i want him gone by the time i'm home, and i leave him in the house shockshock

When i get home he is gone, so are his trousers, bath is clean, house untouched and he has left me a £20 note on the side.

^^ true story

isshoes Sun 07-Apr-13 14:39:30

That's a bit mean, BoyMeetsWorld sad

MinnieBar Sun 07-Apr-13 14:58:35

Friend of DH's either placed or replied to a personal ad in the local paper. He exchanges a few texts with one woman and they arrange to meet in town, outside a pub.

He's waiting for a while, so he texts her to check she's ok. Her response?

'You should have told me you were so fucking ugly'

Now that's harsh…

Frizzbonce Sun 07-Apr-13 16:36:59

Minnie - harsh but grin PMSL!

fluffy - that could have been very different. She was very very lucky especially as he was so stalky about going home with her.

fluffyraggies Sun 07-Apr-13 17:44:11

Frizz - yep. Even at 17 it was obvious to me she'd been a silly silly cow bit naive.

I know it is strictly a 'date' story - but it is jaw dropping!

fluffyraggies Sun 07-Apr-13 17:48:43

isn't strictly ....

This is not terrible, but terribly wistful...

Quite some years ago I was asked out by a New Zealand guy - he lived locally, we'd exchanged polite nothings in the newsagents a few times, he had a kindly twinkle in his eye and was the most beautiful thing for at least 300 miles in any direction. Over 6 foot, dark haired, dark eyed and his smell - I've never encountered anything like it. It was catnip for people - better than catnip - you wanted to lie on the pavement and lick his ankles.

So... the date. Local restaurant, coats off, and he starts in about cement. About the process he'd invented for slightly colouring cement. About the process for obtaining patents for construction materials. About the past, present and future markets for slightly coloured cement. With a slight detour into road construction, but only insofar as it pertained to cement. I changed the subject a number of times, but being a nice, politely brought up girl, I eventually gave in and let him talk about slightly coloured cement for over four hours. Yawned a little (allowably) after 11 and excused myself on the grounds of an early start to work the next day.

And that was that sad. He asked again but I was genuinely out of the country the next week. I couldn't have stood it again though. I just couldn't.

rockinhippy Sun 07-Apr-13 18:50:41

I thought it a bit mean too BoyMeetsWorld & also quite unbelievable - my (lovely, dream of a man, so your ignorant prejudice may have missed you a treatwink ) DH is considered a giant of a man, he has huge hands - but there is no way in hell would an adult cat look like a kitten in his hands - not even our small cat, so your story doesn't ring true at allhmm

WallyBantersJunkBox Sun 07-Apr-13 19:34:30

Leucan if you swapped colored cement for Radar you'd have my ex there.

10 pages, both sides of the page, of a letter home to his forces "sweetheart" on RADAR. And one small paragraph about how miserable he was because the snow in the Falklands meant he couldn't get his favourite flavor of crisps. At the time I was waiting for test results on some lumps found in my neck, this topic was entirely omitted.

I wish my twat RADAR had been more finely attuned. hmm

Ahhh, that's, erm, single-minded, Wally. hmm

I don't think mine was a twat at all. I think he was lovely - sweet, courteous, handsome, but also the dullest, dullest, dullest, dullest, dullest man I have ever spent time with. And I'm not that interesting myself.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sun 07-Apr-13 19:55:30

Well at least it all became obvious in the first date to save all those months of questionable hell

Perhaps he met a surveyor who loved his witty cement banter!

jaffacake2 Sun 07-Apr-13 19:59:01

2nd date with guy met on internet. 1st date had gone well,stayed in the pub for a meal,chatted,kiss afterwards then seperated.
Next date he appeared with a bag of "pressies" for me. Now I thought thats nice,perfume,chocs,jewellery ?
No,a string of large beads emerged.Now being totally naive I didnt know what they were. Thought bit strange. These were anal beads,which were then followed by a butt plug,massage oil,creepy body stocking thing. These were my pressies !!!
Well he got told where he could stick them,nowhere near me,and I went.
Text later saying that I need to lighten up and not be a prude !
All I wanted was a quiet drink out.

Fairygen Sun 07-Apr-13 20:22:32

My sister set me up with someone who was 'really nice, decent, good job, lovely house' BINGO!!!

He arrived at the pub we had arranged to meet at, 45 mins late ( he did text to say he was on his way, otherwise I would have left after 15 mins), really drunk, beer down his shirt, and every other word was f**k, and he brought his mates with him!! When he went to the toilet his best mate, whose eyes were rolling round in their sockets, hit on me!

He couldn't understand why I went home at 11 pm.....but not before he bought me 3 large G+Ts and paid for my taxi!!

My sister couldn't believe it, apparently he WAS really nice when she knew him 10 years ago! We laugh about it now.

MsNobodyAgain Sun 07-Apr-13 22:07:08

I was internet dating a few years ago. I had been talking to a man who lived about an hours drive away from me. We had arranged to meet the next week, swapped addresses (stupid mistake).

The day after the address swap I get a text saying 'it's a bit dead in your local pub'. I rang him and he was in the pub at the bottom of my street shock. Thankfully he didn't call at my house.

I still travelled up to see him the next week (to my shame). Over the course of a few dates he told me about his stint in a Young Offenders Institute, 3 convictions for drink driving, and he smoked weed.

He had 6 foot high trampoline in his dining room for when his daughters came to visit. Who has an outdoor trampoline in a house??

Looking back I can't believe I dated him for a year.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sun 07-Apr-13 22:30:38

I once went on a date with a guy who told me waaaay too much about himself.

By the time we got to the restaurant I knew he'd had an affair with a university student of his, she got pregnant, had an abortion, and resented him for it.

Over dinner he told me that he'd been raped by a man whilst hitchhiking around Europe as a teenager.

On the way out of the restaurant, he said, "I have never told anyone that story. I feel as if I have shared something personal with you, but you haven't reciprocated.

I said," I'm sorry. I've never hitchhiked. "

Fairygen Sun 07-Apr-13 22:44:06

Where are all the genuine single men??

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