Can you talk to your DH?

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Whenever we try and discuss anything serious, we always seem to end up arguing. It really, really hacks me off. We just don't seem to understand each other. Or could it just be a Venus/Mars thing? He said this morning "We are always on the back foot" (relating to DD and her education) and I asked for examples as to why he felt like this to which he responds with "Why do I have to give you examples? Why can't you just accept what I am saying?" Because I can't, because I don't know what you are referring to ffs. I then raise my voice, he accuses me of shouting, which makes me shout more. I don't really know why I am bothering to post this, as it is a very regular occurrence - just thought I would see if anyone else suffers in this way. Otherwise we get on great. We just have a communication problem about things that are really important to us.

[LackingInspiration]

You need to work on a strategy for how to talk about things without getting wound up. Sort of like 'How To Talk' but for adults!

Maybe you need to not raise your voice...or if being told you are shouting, to take a step back and a deep breath and try and start again.

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Thanks lacking - you are right of course, but I do tend to get quite heated about topics close to my heart. Plus I am a self-confessed control freak and want everyone to see MY point of view

[loganberry12]

You are not alone, i cant talk to my husband. we have been married 4 years and at first everything was great, he was loving attentive caring kind and funny, we had a good sex life, but now he is moody all the time shouts at the kids for the littlest things, we have no sex at all he never gives me compliments any more and evry time i try to speak to him he just says im trying to start and argument. I feel so sad and alone really

[Hullygully]

Yes. It does help if you tie them up and gag them first. Perhaps that's where you're going wrong.

[Maria2007loveshersleep]

For me good communication is the main thing that attracted me to my DP (but we were good friends who loved confiding in each other for years before finally getting together).

I think it's important to get past this impasse, maybe find some strategies to talk better together. Try simple strategies (well simply on principle, not simple to implement): not raising voice, listening carefully to what he's saying (without interrupting).

But to be honest, when you say you can't communicate well about things that are important to you- it depends how central that is to you. To be it would be a reason not to be with someone (unless you're exaggerating / illustrating just a bad trend while there are other good moments), but each person has very different priorities when it comes to relationships.

[diddl]

Yes I can & if he asked me to just accept what he was saying when I had asked him to explain further I would be telling him to fuck the fuck off!

[LackingInspiration]

IMO, lots and lots of physical contact is very good for things like this. And Dh and I recently made an agreement not to take things so seriously so if someone starts getting heated, we either tease them or snog them - usually elicits enough of a grin to remove the heat and get us back to discussing things sensibly.

[LackingInspiration]

Also, our marriage and communicaion improved immessurably when we both read a book about parenting, that made us take another look at how we were with eachother - Winning Parent, Winning Child by Jan Fortune-Wood

[ExitPursuedByABear]

Thanks again lacking - I will get onto Amazon and order it now.

[Sarahsmile]

loganberry12... omg I could have written your post word for word been with my DP for nearly 10 years and the first 2/3 years were great felt I had finally found my soulmate god how wrong I have been!!! No dont talk about anything really apart from all the mundune crap etc, have a DS who is 4 and apart from him thats all we have (I feel in common) no social life together ( thank god I still have quite a lot of friends) , seem to argue about almost everything or either dont speak at all.... and everyone thinks like for me is perfert with my lovely house, partner & gorg son... my mum I think knows I am not happy and feel that is this it now... keep in touch loganberry12 as we seem to have alot in common (sadly)!!!