Flirty neighbour after my husband

[snoobiesmummy90]

A neighbour of ours is making a play for my husband. We have just had a baby last week so clearly no sex etc going on, im sore and in pain etc. Husband hasn't had sex for a while. Neighbour fancies my husband, my husband appears to be either naive in her attentions towards him or he is enjoying it?? She added him to her facebook and they have late night chats on fb. Should I be worried? I really hope im wrong about what could happen. She likes to come over when he is here. He gave her a lift the other day, they both smoke and like to go outside for a cigarette in garden while im holding baby. She put something on her fb about something being on her mind, he put on hers " I wonder what that is then lol" this comment has since been deleted. He also has been defending her saying that i upset her becasue i didnt want her to come round and see baby etc. Surely hubby should defend me, not the other way round?
How do I handle this? I had my fears about them BEFORE I had baby btw!!!

[emmyloulou]

Tell him straight your fears, that maybe he could be focusing his attention more on you and your new baby rather than late night fb chats with her.

I presume if he continues you feel your marriage may be in danger, if so tell him. I wouldn't put up with it.

[Flighttattendant]

So sorry, it does sound like he is enjoying it

Have you got much other support, close family and friends etc?

It's really unkind of them to treat you in this way - especially him. Yes, he bloody well should be defending you.

[Flighttattendant]

and neither of them should be smoking anywhere near your house if it bothers you.

He will carry poisonous stuff on his clothes and face and hands, which is not good for the baby to have contact with. At the very least he should wash hands and face after smoking, and not breathe on the baby.

[SpanishLady]

God this is abit like my ex - we used to live in this flat and a girl who lived upstairs clearly fancied him - what upset me was his attitude - I am quite sure he wasnt bothered but didnt feel the need by word or action to let her know freezing me out was not tolerable.

She would knock on the door and ask to speak to him and if he was out(usually as it turned out about something about the shared free/DIY) but would refuse to tell me what she wanted but say something like oh send him up to mine would you or thats ok I'l catch up with him later. so tragic.

then after about a year she started seeing someone and invited us to a christmas party at her flat - a few days later one of her friends called our flat to speak to him saying he had given her his number at the party - he walked in as I was on the phone and he asked her want she was was on about and she changed it to it being about the flat again.

I think he was innocent of wanting or doing anything but he was pathetic for wanting silly women fawning over him - part of the reason we broke up as I got to the point where I was fed up with the tickets he sold on himself.

Anyway - to your problem. Your husband is of course acting like a prat I'm afraid. Your choices:

1. move house
   
2. keep him busy - whats he doing on FB at this time??
   
3. sit him down and tell him straight and get him to sort it out - eg serve her marching papers
   
   good luck - how horrible at what should be a special time

[AnyFucker]

He is making a fool of you

He needs to stop doing that, forthwith

[atswimtwolengths]

To be honest, I would break the router so that he couldn't get online. It's absolutely not on that he should be talking to her online when he could be with you.

[sorrento56]

You and your baby should be coming first.

I would ask him straight out, ice cold calm, if he would like something to happen with her, and then you can make your decision about what you will do when you get his answer.

[AnyFucker]

when you ask him, he will say "no, of course not, how dare you doubt me, you are susicious, paranoid and crazy...is it your hormones??"

or something along those lines

so don't ask him, tell him

tell him how it makes you feel, that you will not tolerate such disrespect, that he starts acting like the partner and new father he should be....or he fucks off back to the single life

and mean it

that last sentence is the key to it all, btw

[sorrento56]

AF is right. Take no notice of me.

[AnyFucker]

oh, and your title gets it allllll wrong

it should say "immature new father rubs my nose in it with flirty neighbour, I am going to put a stop to it"

[MamaGogo]

This is definitely not on. I agree with what everyone else has said so far.

[pompncircumstance]

First of all while reading that I thought what a bitch (your neighbour) has she ever had kids? This is one of the most difficult times having a new baby and she should realise how you might be feeling at the moment - exhausted,fragile and maybe emotional. Tell your husband how you feel and he should understand, you need him at the moment for support.

Very few men have had sex for a while when their partner has been pregnant/giving birth so you shouldnt feel bad about that - thats his problem and if he can't deal with that what kind of a father would he make?
He needs to show you respect,love and gratitude at the moment and nothing else.

I hope you get something sorted. You must feel pretty bad about it but try not to let it ruin this time with your new little one - the time is so precious.

[pompncircumstance]

....and to be honest I wouldnt want anyone coming around whilst I was still sore and tired from the birth.

[AnyFucker]

sorr, you are not wrong, just not quite as bolshy as wot I am

perhaps he will be reasonable (like a normal person would be...)

perhaps he won't

but I expect a lady with a new baby and a cock for a partner doesn't have a great deal of time for pussy-footing around

[yummum01]

It definitely sounds as if something could potentially happen and i'm sorry to say, might have already. I hope i'm wrong. I do believe in innocent flirting, but this doesn't sound like it.

I think I might have a chat with her. Does she have a reputation? Is she married or with anyone?

[MadAboutQuavers]

Dead right you should be worried

Can your DH not see how his behaviour would make you feel even more vulnerable than you would anyway, after just having your baby?

Don't let this lie; you must bring this all out into the open. If you get no joy or a decent response from him, speak to her directly and tell her to back off or face the consequences.

I'd fucking well skin him alive...

[SolidGoldBrass]

Maybe she's just someone who likes to flirt and be friendly. But a nice man would politely keep her at arms' length, not necessarily get all massively self-righteous about how monogamous he is and what a trollop she must be, just cheerfully fend her off and concentrate on you. Your H is probably feeding his ego here as many selfish men do when there is a newborn in the house - mother of newborn is focussed on newborn, selfish man wants some attention dammmit and if there is any female around who might provide it...

[newstart2010]

I think as others have said, speak to him about it, and tell him you do not want him to be so friendly with her. As i'm guessing she is single, he is not so he should be responsible for his actions towards you.

Also tell him the late night chats on facebook need to stop.

[snoobiesmummy90]

Just to update you, neighbour now has a relationship, so im less worried. Im monitoring things. Think dh was flattered by her attentions, but still concerned that he may fall for her charms, ( she is his type :()

[abedelia]

Well, you need to lay it out to him VERY firmly that you have been well aware of what has been going on, and that he has been acting like a stupid teenager just when you AND HIS BABY need him most.

And if he feels this flirting and messaging is acceptable behaviour, he can just fuck right off and go now, as if you see the slightest hint of anything similar going on ever again, you will be out of the door like a whirlwind and HE WILL LOSE EVERYTHING.

No ifs, buts and trying to blame you for being paranoid. How would he like it if, say, he was recovering from a major operation and instead of looking after him you were off out flirting with the bloke next door every couple of hours?

For good measure I'd probably also ask him why he needed his ego boosting, and whether he is really so inadequate that a lovely family isn't enough for him? Because sad gits like that who can't give up chasing skirt despite their responsibilities always end up old and alone. But that bit's up to you!

[abedelia]

Oh - and tell him that if she and new man split and she thinks he will be available as a big, strong shoulder to cry on then they can both can think again because unless he makes it very clear you come first he will officially be declared unworthy of you and dcs and can sod off..

[PyongyangKipperbang]

ZOMBIE REANIMATED BY A SPAMMER

Reported