Advice please

[i8tlr]

I'm a newbie, and a man, so please be gentle with me!

I'm looking for opinions and advice re a situation that's arose with my partner.

A little background might help first. I met my partner 12 months ago via internet dating. She had been split for her husband for 2 years prior to this as he had been cheating on her with another women, or so we thought! Well a couple of days ago she got a phonecall out of the blue from a woman saying that her ex husband has been sleeping with her daughter for the last 3 years. Trouble is, her daughter has only just turned 17! As you can imagine this has completely floored my ex as this girl would have been 14 when this all started. The girls mother has said they have contacted the police but have been told the police can only act as of now and as she is 17 it's up to the girl to take it further. My partner has 3 children and this girls is the same age as one of her daughters and were friends so you can see where the introduction will have been made.
I want to help her and support her as much as I can but I don't know what to do. My first instinct is to rip his head off but i know this wouldn't achieve anything. To top it off, he doesn't see anything wrong in what he's done.

Are we being too sensitive about this? Please help!

[MadAboutQuavers]

Jesus Christ.

He doesn't see anything wrong in it?!!

Are you being too sensitive????!!!!

Fuck it, I'd just hire a hitman now if I were you. Seriously.

[jeminthecellar]

I understand how you feel....however I suppose really your role is to support your partner, not to rip his head off etc...

So...my thoughts are you need to support your partner, and her children, as they will find out about this if one of her DCs is friends with the girl.

Of course he oesn't see anything wrong with it...if he did, he wouldn't do it...but we all know that doesn't make it right. Just be there for your partner. hth

[i8tlr]

Thanks for the kind replies. I know ripping his head off is not the answer and I'm above that anyway. His children are already aware of the situation as it's been made very public. I just feel helpless and I hate how much this is hurting them.

[AnyFucker]

you are not helpless

quiet support is what you should be providing

I think you are a bloke with integrity actually....many people would run away, very fast, when faced with being embroiled in such a horrible situation

and I actually wouldn't blame them for doing that

[i8tlr]

It's never entered my head head to run. She is worried that this is something I might do as she says she feels ashamed.
I'm really upset at the polices stance in all this. They do have evidence that the relationship started when she was 14 via e-mails, facebook messages and so on but wont do anything as she is now the legal age. Surely a crime has been committed no matter what age she is now.

[AnyFucker]

unless she is willing to make a complaint against him, the police cannot do anything

sad but true

[i8tlr]

She's spoke to the police but they say that unless the girl involved makes a complaint they say they wont do anything. The scary thing is, info received suggests this might not be the first time. This is worrying to say the least on so many levels.

[AnyFucker]

this is how abusers get away with it, I am afraid

horrible wake-up call for you, and your family