Should I just bite my lip over my mothers behaviour?

[mummytowillow]

Someone please give me some perspective on this issue with my mother, as its driving me crazy!!

I've split up with my husband a year ago, my parents have since refused to speak to him, or even acknowledge he exists. Everytime my daughter (3) mentions his name my mother looks like she is sucking a lemon! DD spent last week with him and his family, she had a ball. Parents see her today and didn't ask her if she had a good time, but when their other GD went away they gushed over her? Its her birthday in a week, I'm having a party at home for her and of course have invited her daddy, my parents are now refusing to come? I had to cancel last years party celebrations because they made my life hell about 'him' being there. All I want them to do is for two hours sit at opposite ends of the garden and be there for their GD. I know they are upset with him, but its for two hours!!

Anyway, today I find out that when their other GD (there is 4 months between them) went on holiday last week, my mother gave her a purse with 'holiday pennies' in it for her to spend, my daughter got nothing? Also other GD gave her dummies to the dummy fairy, today she is given a large present from my mother again for being a clever girl, my DD gave her dummies up and she got nothing?? DD has to eat the food other GD likes, sleep when she does, eat when she does, basically do what ever other GD wants to do. This is just two main examples of how she treats her differently, there are so many incidents I couldn't list them!

She constantly points out what my daughter isn't doing, but raves to SIL what the other GD is doing well, it enrages me to sit there and listen!! She critises my mothering skills and never tells me I'm doing a good job as a single mum? I think I'm a devoted mum and put my daughter first in everything I do. I hadn't seen them for a week, went to their house last night after a six hour drive and they just sat there in silence watching the pissing antiques roadshow, WTF!! They literally didn't say a word to me!

Why do I crave her approval? Should I confront her about treating GD's differently, or is it normal to do more for the 1st GC? Or should I just let it all go over my head and get on with it!!

[mumblechum]

I think you should tell her straight. For all you know she doesn't know how much she's upsetting you.

[mummytowillow]

Thing is, they are very good to me as they look after her for two days a week, they have also helped me out financially (but she throws that back in my face), but I had no choice but to accept their help?

They are there for me materially, but give absolutely nothing emotionally, I told her this and she said 'you don't do emotions'!!

[scouserabroad]

Maybe other GC will have a tantrum if they don't get what they want, while your DD will be happy anyway and so your parents are just going for the easy life? Just suggesting this because it tends to happen with my Mum & my two DDs and she def doesn't love one more than the other.

Agree with mumblechum that you should try to talk to her, she might not even realise.

[Minxie1977]

Don't bite your lip - show her your post. Explain how you feel, can you not say 'I love you and my feelings are hurt because....'

[1Littleboy1Bigboy]

They live a 6 hour drive away and have your daughter 2 days a week??? How on earth do you manage that each time? Would have thought it would be a more viable option to have a childminder etc

[mummytowillow]

1littleboy - they live 2 minutes away from me, not six hours! I had been to visit friends in Kent for a week, which is where her Daddy lives, so he had her for a week! Hence the six hour drive back! Sorry for the confusion?