Mobile phone records

[catwalker]

Does anyone know how far back service providers - in this case Vodaphone - will supply online bills? As a pay-as-u-go customer I'm not sure how it works. I've asked my H to request bills so I can see for myself that his contact with the ow post sex was indeed limited to 'friendly' texts with weeks at a time of no contact. He's refusing and alternating between two reasons - one that he doesn't want to feed my paranoia and two that vodaphone won't be able to provide records from last year. To be honest, this is a bit of deal breaker for me. Briefly, he had sex with someone once (allegedly) a couple of years ago, but maintained contact. (I only found out about it early this year when ow's dh 'enlightened' me and my children). Two brief and emotionally charged discussions with the ow suggest a stronger attachment than he is admitting to. He says she's deluded. There is so little evidence to support what he says, I just feel that if I saw something in black and white that proved the limited contact post sex that he claims, that might help me believe the rest of the stuff. If the bills aren't available then I will have to live with that. But if they are, and he won't get them for me...... well, enough said.

[LucyLouLou]

I think you're right in double checking, I'm sorry I don't have any practical (helpful) advice to give you, other than to say contact Vodafone. It's a reasonable question you have for them, and since you won't be asking for personal and protected information, they may well be able to help you. All you really need to say is that you would like to know how far back records are held and/or are they hypothetically able to supply them? It sounds like that's enough for you. If they can supply them to last year and your DH is being deliberately obstructive about getting them, looks like you may have a problem on your hands.

FWIW, I'm not on that network, but I am contracted to another and I think I can get my bills as far back as the start of my contract. Also, I'm not sure that he wouldn't just be able to sign into his account online and be able to instantly access his billing history. That said, I've only been with my current provider on contract for about four months, so I'm not certain.

Good luck .

[kittya]

Im not sure. Will it really make you feel better? If its in his name Im not convinced they will do that for you. you may need his password for his account?

[catwalker]

Kittya - I know I can't see his account myself. The problem is he is refusing to access it and show me past bills. I will, as Lucyloulou suggests, ask Vodaphone generally how far back their online records go. I don't suppose it will make me feel any better and if he'd said, 'ok' I probably wouldn't have actually wanted to look. It's his stubborn refusal that's making me suspicious.

[kittya]

sounds like you should be. I am on Orange so I cant help, but theres no harm in asking. Good luck in getting through on the phone though. You might be better off just walking into the companies shop and asking.

[LucyLouLou]

I can see kittya's point, but I think you do need to find this out catwalker. If it turns out they can provide the billing info as far back as you need it, you will have confirmation that your DH has been turfing out that line as an excuse to not show you his records, or not find them himself. Like you say, you probably wouldn't have gone any further with it, but your DH has been the one to make an issue out of this now. It doesn't necessarily mean that his line about not wanting to feed your paranoia isn't true....but maybe you just need to find out one way or the other.

[Gay40]

If he has nothing to hide, you'd be looking at those phone records right now.

[kittya]

do you know what number you would be looking for? I go bleary eyed when I see my bill, so many bloody numbers!! you might end up calling them all to check who is on the other end!!

[LittleMissHissyFit]

tell him he's out of the door this time next week unless he get's those print offs.

Then any time and everytime he has any reason to even breathe in your direction, ask him where the bills are. Keep that up for a week. Literally every time you see him, ask him, anytime he opens his mouth, ask him. As the week goes on, ask him in company.. Bug the crap out of him! Just like the thought of him cheating on you bugged the crap out of you when you first found out about it.

You know why he's not supplying these bills, tell him that too.

Tell him that he either goes now, right now or redeems some faintest whiff of a hope of getting things back on track, or lets stop wasting time, and he can call himself a taxi.

[happiestblonde]

Well said Hissy

[SomeGuy]

you can register for online access, they send a text to your number and you can logon straight away. I checked on my account, my first bill available is July 2009 (when I first subscribed), most recent August 2010.

So no, not a year cut-off.

[countingto10]

Catwalker how are you doing ?

I would be worried about his refusal, it sounds like he probably was having a lot more contact with her than he has admitted to, getting his ego boosted etc. I don't think he has taken full responsibility yet or is having trouble admitting to himself the full extent of the affair. If you get hold of those bills then he can't lie to you or himself anymore. It could be the catalyst for you and him. Me and my DH had a number of those moments, he said he found it very hard to admit to himself what he was actually doing, the face the full horror of it, the digust at himself etc, that he was no different to men he had previously despised IYSWIM.

Stand your ground on this one, let him know you will not back down on this point, my DH knows I have changed and will not put up with this sort of bluffing, manipulation etc anymore - it's about treating you with respect.

Good luck.

[kittya]

But will you know which one is her number?

[Anniegetyourgun]

"he doesn't want to feed my paranoia"

In what way are you "paranoid" when you believe he had an affair that he, er, actually did have? You're asking him to provide evidence that they didn't have more ongoing contact than he's admitted to. Were you paranoid you would be hysterically convinced that they had, whatever the evidence said. If he says the evidence will "feed" it, that kind of suggests that the bills won't help his case, no?

Basically it's not an argument, it's a headfuck. It's calling you mentally ill for not believing him. But you have every reason not to believe him, because he did lie. That's not paranoia, it's realism.

Imagine how it would go down in a court of law. "M'lud, the defendant declines to submit evidence in support of his alibi, as that would feed the court's paranoia." "Fair enough," the judge says, "as you've taken the oath we have no choice but to take your word for it". Riiight...

[msboogie]

he doesn't want to feed your paranoia means he doesn't want you to know the truth - that he's lying about the contact.

[lilllysa]

Online I can get my bills back till Aug 2008 if I can I can get older ones but I have to pay for them.

The only reason he is not showing you is because he has something to hide. Sorry.

[lilllysa]

if i can = if i call.

Head not working sorry :(

[catwalker]

Counting to 10 - I've been doing pretty badly this week I'm afraid - time of year when it all happened. I've been accused of 'digging up the corpse' and raking over things again when we were starting to recover (which we were). To be fair, H (sometimes he's DH) has taken full responsibility, does feel dreadful, is very loving and I do believe 100% that he's no longer in contact with the ow. He says that, post sex, he was engaged in 'damage limitation' and trying to 'normalise' their relationship given that we would both still see her from time to time. She was (I believe this from what I know of her) totally obsessed with him and he didn't want to annoy/upset her in case that made her spill the beans. He says that during this time all contact came from her and he responded in a friendly but cool manner (I have seen some texts which support this), but that there were 'long' periods of no contact when she took the hint and backed off for a while. It just occurred to me the other day that if I looked at his phone bills this would confirm that there were such periods so would support his story.

He has given me lots of details about what happened - too much probably as knowing some of the details doesn't make me feel better, but I insisted and he told me. He now says that, as we were moving forward reasonably well (which we were), if he were to give me his phone bills I wouldn't focus on the gaps, what I would do is analyse in minute detail when and how often he communicated with her. He says I would come back at him with - how could you, on dd's birthday, or when x was happening etc. He's absolutely right, I would.

However, this morning he has told me he has been in touch with Vodaphone and they can supply bills which, against his better judgement, he will let me see. In a way, that's all I wanted, his willingness to let me look.

How are you doing Counting to ten? I seem to remember you had difficulty with the anniversary too?



H