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How can I help my frazzled DH?

6 replies

ruthosaurus · 27/07/2010 13:34

No smutty answers please, I'm serious.

DH has a stressful job that is just about to get more stressful. He has also told that he will have to reapply for it at some point in the next 3 or 4 months due to a reshuffle at work but hasn't been given a date or even a more precise timescale. We have a lovely 20mo son, have our house on the market and I work 3 days a week.

DH is clearly having a shit time and is willing to talk about the ins and outs of the situation. However, this alone is not helping him. He has gone into his cave and is not participating in family life much. All he seems to want to do is play violent computer games, as he says they help him to relax. He is even going off sex (unheard of). He recognises that he is depressed but doesn't want to go to the doc's or do frequent exercise.

I am not always the easiest person to live with but I am really trying to bite my lip and be nice and supportive. I find myself getting frustrated about him only contributing to the housework and childcare if he feels like it, or if I don't give him the choice. E.g. I was at work all weekend, so he had to have our son, but as soon as I was home I did everything elae that needed doing.

I also find it hard when he spends 3 hours a day playing games. This makes me cranky and snarky, and I feel bad afterwards for nagging when he is do clearly having a bad time. But I also feel like a drudge and mug, and that I am only here for sex and cleaning. Withholding these will mean that he gets grumpier and the house will ming.

Help!

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Bonsoir · 27/07/2010 13:36

If your DH is withdrawing totally like this from your life, you are quite justified in feeling resentful.

However, given his stress levels, you will have to engineer a situation in which he can relax. Have you any holiday time available? When you take some childfree time off together to unwind?

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Taghain · 27/07/2010 14:08

Can you persuade him to give up some of his 3 hours computer gaming for a walk or run. Possibly even with you or taking DS for a buggy-ride? Exercise will be a better stress-relief than gaming and might even put him in the mood for sex again.

Does he have friends outside work with whom he could go for a quick drink in the evening?

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Helium · 27/07/2010 20:03

Get a comedy DVD to watch together? Cant put a price on a good laugh!! (I'm not being sarcastic)

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ruthosaurus · 27/07/2010 21:00

He's doing better tonight: he's been out at five a side football and has offered to wash up. We are going on holiday next month: maybe a week or two without the PS3 will help. I feel like we're just trying to get to the holiday at the moment. It just feels as though him doing anything other than playing games is a colossal effort. I.keep thinking that he must find life at home such a drag to want to hide from it so much.

I've suggested the walk/run of an evening but it's not the nicest area for it.

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pushmepullyou · 27/07/2010 21:38

DH and I both felt like this in the run up to our recent holiday. We're both feeling very much better after it so there is hope.

Is it worth keeping an eye open (maybe you rather than him)for other jobs that might be out there? I know it's not exactly a buoyant market at the moment, but you never know and I think you're generally in with a better shot at getting a job if you're already employed.

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ruthosaurus · 28/07/2010 00:13

Oh, there you are! Ta, job searching is definitely on the agenda. That, or we go and run a B&B in Cornwall. In a recession.

I thought someone else was you earlier but they just had a similar haircut...