what can I do for friend whose wife's left?

[tortoisehellOstrich]

If your marriage had just broken up, what would you want your friends to do?

I've just discovered that the wife of a good friend/colleague has run off with someone. No kids in the friend's marriage, adult kids in the other marriage.

It's been on the cards for years... but I have been tiptoeing around a lot trying not to put my foot in it, so have unintentionally distanced myself from my friend to the point where he didn't tell me about the split... wife left about 2 months ago.

It's all rather unfortunate as we all (friend, his wife, new man, new man's wife, us) live and work all entirely within about 200 metres of each other in the same 3 institutions - and thus blinkered vision is a coping mechanism. All the people involved are lovely, but with varying degrees of maturity in their personal interactions.

What should or can i do for my friend? He's 40something, a bit gruff and grumpy generally, though since the time his wife would've left, he seems to be generally happier than he's been in years. But is probably quite sad underneath though.

Thanks for ideas.

[Tortygirl]

Maybe you could arrange a meal out with a few work friends??
I'm sure he would enjoy the company.

[tortoisehellOstrich]

yep, will do. also some concert trips. He is keeping himself very busy. Hard to know what to do really - he's quite - um - straightforwardly blokey, so unlikely to want to discuss stuff, but also likely to be tearing himself to shreds in private.

i think it's a good sign he seems happier and busier than he has in ages, but am still a bit worried that he lacks support...

[Tortygirl]

If he comes out, he may loosen up and eventually feel able to talk to you about how he is feeling. He is lucky to have someone around like you who cares

[FakePlasticTrees]

Maybe invite him round to your home for dinner? more likely to feel he can open up in a private home than on a night out.

Maybe ask him if he needs help with sorting anything practical for the house...

And just send him regular e-mails /texts so he knows your thinking about him.