Do/will you give your kids the same choices you had?

[coventgarden]

I wasn't allowed a boyfriend to stay over and thinking about when my children get to that age I am not sure what I will do. I want to give them the privacy I never had and the assurance I won't disturb them, but then I really wish I had waited until I met my DH.

I had a really rubbish childhood and are making a hash of being a mother. Can't do what I had, too awful, but aren't good enough to do better, so how do I learn to be a better mum.

I realise I am just waffling now but feel I need to talk to someone.

[AncientStarlight]

You're not waffling If it helps, I know what you mean about not feeling good enough to be better, there's no way I'd wish the childhood I had, on DD. I read somewhere that you can never be a perfect mum, but you can be a good enough one, IYSWIM. Not sure if that's helped, but you're not alone.

[coventgarden]

Thank you, it does help. Trouble is, I don't even think I am good enough.

[AncientStarlight]

The fact that you're concerned about the way you'll bring up your DC means that you are good enough, because you care. It is so damn difficult though, to get that self-belief, it's taken me years, and I still have a wobble from time to time.

Is there anything particular that worries you? You don't have to answer that, I don't mean to be too nosey, but if it helps to post, feel free.

[coventgarden]

I am already worrying about how I will cope tmw when dh is at work, and what we will do all day. They finished on Thursday and on Friday they were nightmares.

I am so tired all the time, I don't always control my temper as well as I should and I feel sometimes like I am the little girl I was way back then with kids who can play me 100% and just laugh at me and ignore me.

Right now, dd is crying, ds2 is shouting, have to go.

[AncientStarlight]

Try not to be hard on yourself, yeah, easy to say I know. I've lost count of the number of times I've snapped at DD. I always said to her 'It's not you, it's me, Mummy is cross, because she's tired.'

Tbh, it sounds like you've got a lot on your plate. Your comment about feeling like a little girl is spot on, the kids don't know their behaviour is a trigger, you can't help but react, because of how you were treated.

Take care, you are NOT a crap mum. Honestly.