Emotional affair

[Lostwife]

Can I ask what people think constitutes an emotional affair?

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

Sexual chemistry
Secrecy (about depth of relationship and/or the existence of it)
When the "friend" knows more about your primary relationship than your spouse knows about the friendship.

[Lostwife]

Well, that's all 3 ticked for my husband.

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

Sorry

FWIW, I think most emotional affairs are simply preludes to a combined affair (emotional and physical) and these are of course, the most dangerous kind of all - and more frequently result in divorce. Happy to help if you want to tell us more. If you don't, buy a book called "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass and this will tell you all you need to know.

[Lostwife]

Well, my husband has admitted so far

1. SHE likes him (she knows he is married with a young family)
2. HE likes the attention (but doesn't want to take it further)
3. HE has lied to me about the amount and level of contact
4. I don't know, but can imagine, that she knows far more about me, my marriage, my children than I know about her.

[WhenwillIfeelnormal]

The fact that he has lied to you means that (2) is also a lie, perhaps to himself as much as anyone.

Unfortunately in these situations, people always under-estimate how addictive and intoxicating it can be when someone else desires you. So boundaries are crossed all the time and meanwhile your H will be telling himself and you that since nothing physical has yet happened, it is not going to happen.

Until it does.

Only then will your H confront the fact that he is being unfaithful.

The truth is, he is being unfaithful now and you must not be passive about this. If it's unacceptable to you and is causing you pain, you insist that this relationship is severed completely.

And then have lots of conversations and perhaps some counselling about unsafe friendships, dealing with temptation and the challenge of affair-proofing your future marriage.

Please don't ever be afraid to state your conditions - and if he puts this friendship above your marriage, or tells you that you are being jealous and unreasonable, then vote with your feet.

[helicopterview]

Well said WWIFN

This friendship has to end now.

Don't let him make you feel sorry for him because his ego would miss the regular boost he gets from this OW.

She is not a friend of your marriage.

You come first.

No ifs or buts.